Dad refuses to attend the funeral of his ex-mother-in-law because she offered to buy her daughter a house if she divorced him during the 34 years they were married: 'My kids are pressuring me to go'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 13, 2025 1:00 PM EST

There is a lot of judgment surrounding how people deal with loss. You're either too sad or not sad enough. I hate the idea that you can only take a week off work after losing someone extremely close to you. As a society, we really need to bring back formal morning periods, where women wear black for a whole year, to signal to everyone that she's going through something right now. A lady should be able to cry about her mom passing in the frozen food aisle of Gristedes without a bunch of nosy Nellies asking her, "Why?"

Displays of pure, vulnerable emotions regarding loss are socially punished if they persist for what society deems as "too long." You will never stop missing your parent, child, or friend, and the fact that those losses are supposed to be put aside to facilitate the comfort of others is just plain wrong.

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  • On the other hand, there are some losses that you feel you should be mourning but just can't because of who that person was in life. The dad in this story cannot mourn his ex mother-in-law for the life of him, but his kids want him to attend her funeral. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10467546112
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITAH for not attending the funeral of my ex mother-in-law who offered to pay my wife to divorce me?

    Long story short, I was married for 34 years and during that time, my ex in-laws continually offered to buy my then wife a house if she would divorce me. We came from very different socioeconomic backgrounds, and my lack of a pedigree and formal university education were a great
    via u/Chance_Kind
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    ELLON UNIVERSITY 000 CARNEGIE PITTSBURGH PENNSY
    via Yuhan Du

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    embarrassment to them. I used to play it off and joke about it, mainly as a means of coaping. Eventually our marriage ended in divorce. The pressure finally got to my ex and she took the carrot. Her mother did three days ago and my kids are pressuring me to go to the funeral. AITAH if I don't go?
    via u/Chance_Kind
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    оо Certificate of Divorce This is to certify that Ager have ended their marriage in divorce
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    playfulhoneyswish NTA. She literally spent decades trying to get rid of you. You're just respecting her final wish by not showing up.
    via u/playfulhoneyswish
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    Chance_Kind OP I must admit, I couldn't help but feel a sense of joy and relief the entire day after hearing the news. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but my kids were no fools and could tell how I was feeling, even though I pretended not to be.
    via u/Chance_Kind
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    BobbieMcFee • 6h ago Maybe you shouldn't have been skipping and singing "Ding dong, the witch is de d..."
    via u/BobbieMcFee
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    Capable-Limit5249 The only reason to go would be for your kids. And that's up to you. NTA if you don't go.
    via u/Capable-Limit5249
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    Extreme_Amphibian_96 Funerals are for the living, not the de d. Do your kids need your support? Then, decide if you want to support THEM. If, after a frank conversation, they acknowledge how you feel and decide they don't need your support for that event, then, if you decide not to go, no worries. You didn't say how old they were, but I commented, assuming they were grown or young adults. Either way no worries
    via u/Extreme_Amphibian_96
  • 11
    100000000000 Thinking in the same vein, if op doesn't feel like he could contain his joy during what is supposed to be a somber event, then maybe he shouldn't show up. If he doesn't think he will be able to support his kids the way they would like, then maybe he'd be better off not going.
    via u/100000000000
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    KendalBoy That's mom's job. Let her support them in the house she traded for their father. Bonus points if kids finally understand why she has that house.
    via u/KendalBoy
  • 13
    Absent_Picnic So you're divorced?? Why on earth would you go to your ex MILs funeral even if she wasn't a manipulative cow.
    via u/Absent_Picnic
  • 14
    fragrant_basil_7400 The only reason I can think of is to support his children. But his ex wife (their mother) should be able to do that.
    via u/fragrant_basil_7400
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    Red-Beerd Just for a frame of reference, when I got divorced, I had a really hard time with the fact that in addition to my ex being gone, I also lost her family. I was close with her sister and her dad and considered them just as much my family as my siblings and parents.
    via u/Red-Beerd
  • 16
    A few months after we divorced, my ex's Grandpa did. I did not go to the funeral, but this was someone who I saw on a pretty regular basis. I regularly went to their house for Christmas while we were dating/married, which was most of my teenage/adult life. Of course, that's going to be hard. Essentially, I had an entire group of people I considered family who all the sudden were essentially de d to me - I'm never going to see/talk to/interact with them again.
    via u/Red-Beerd
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    So, there's a pretty good reason why someone may want to go to the funeral of someone they've considered family for a long time. All that being said, OP absolutely is NTA and shouldn't attend in this case.
    via u/Red-Beerd
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    UnpopularOpinionsB If my ex-MIL passed away, I would go to the funeral. She and I are on good terms. OP isn't in my situation and I'm not in his. In his case, I would absolutely not go.
    via u/UnpopularOpinionsB
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    seeingredd-it NTA. C'mon. This reminds me of my favorite story about my mother. My father's mom was not a warm and fuzzy person, hard as nails cuddly as angry badger. She felt that her opinions on things should be heeded, particularly by her daughters- in-law.
    via u/seeingredd-it
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    My mother was a force of nature. She was not one to be told anything by anyone. Fast forward to my grandmother's funeral. All of her family members were of the Linnaean taxonomy "feelings are internalized, not expressed". So no one in her blod line was expressing any emotion.
    via u/seeingredd-it
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    My wife and I were sitting behind my parents for the service and eulogy. Once it was over, my mother turns around, being a good Irish Catholic, tears streaming down her face, she looks at us, dabs her eyes with a soggy Kleenex and says loudly "...and I didn't even like her!" At which point I roared with laughter.
    via u/seeingredd-it
  • 22
    alaniinormann Attending the funeral of someone who actively tried to tear apart your marriage and cause you distress might not feel right. The relationship you had with your ex-mother- in-law was fraught with negativity, and it's okay to set boundaries about who you feel you should pay respects to. Your kids' feelings are valid, but it's also important for them to understand your reasons for not wanting to go.
    via u/alaniinormann
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    JellicoAlpha_3_1 Funerals are for the living, not the de d Not going might permanently damage your relationship with your children.
    via u/JellicoAlpha_3_1
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    This woman stole your marriage from you. Don't let her take your kids too. Go to the funeral. Comfort your kids. Be kind but distant to your ex...and then when you get home, enjoy a nice cold beer knowing the world is now a better place without her in it NTAH
    via u/JellicoAlpha_3_1
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    Bitter-Ad8889 "I will not disrespect her memory by showing up again where I'm not wanted " offer to support them via text during the services and then feed them.
    via u/Bitter-Ad8889

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family drama kids funerals reddit story monster in law funeral mourning parents in law dad in laws mother in law family reddit thread Reddit mom children
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