68-year-old woman reunites with her bio family living across the globe, immediately guilted into caring for the mother who gave her away: ‘I don't love her, don't feel any emotional connection to her’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 16, 2025 5:00 PM EST

It's truly remarkable how family relationships, whether you've known them your whole life or discovered them on a random Tuesday in your 60s—have an incredible way of worming under your skin. It doesn't matter if they've been living thousands of miles away or if you've shared approximately zero holidays, birthdays, or even awkward small talk.

The moment someone says, "We're family," it's like a magic spell that somehow exceeds decades of distance and a lifetime of not even knowing each other's names. Apparently, biology can hop across oceans and decades without losing its ability to cause drama.  

It's almost poetic, these relationships defy logic, practicality, and even reality. All it takes is a distant cousin, a missed Christmas, or a shared DNA strand to turn strangers into emotional landmines. Family is probably the only thing with the ability to connect people who've lived on different continents for decades and still somehow make it feel like you owe them something. Just like Quantum mechanics, It's universal, timeless, and, honestly, exhausting.

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  • "My (68F) mother was given away for adoption. Now her (69M, 72M, 65F) bio-siblings are asking her to care for her (96F) bio-mother."

    "Can't forgive her for abandoning me"
    via tomazl

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One minute, it’s all hugs and tearful reunions, and the next, you’re somehow being guilt-tripped into caring for people you only just found out existed. There’s always a heavy dose of “family duty” thrown in for good measure because nothing says “welcome to the family” like a healthy portion of obligation. Time and space mean nothing in the face of relatives with a passion for making their problems yours.  

  • I (35F) grew up in the U.S., born and raised in Austin, Texas. My father (70M) is Canadian, and my mother (68F) is Greek. Every summer, we vacationed in Greece with my maternal grandparents.
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  • When I was 25, my parents retired and moved permanently to Greece after my mother inherited a house and a significant amount of money from her mother when she passed away. That's when things took a strange turn.
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  • During the last few months of my grandmother's life, my mom went to Greece to care for her, as she was no longer able to take care of herself. In her final days, my grandmother revealed a shocking secret: my mom was adopted.
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  • Welcome to the family! Cheers! Can I borrow some money? I ALWAYS pay back I swear

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She wasn't the biological child of the parents who raised her. Instead, she was the daughter of my grandmother's cousin. Apparently, in Greece, decades
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  • ago, it was common for struggling families with many children to give a baby to a relative who couldn't have kids.
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  • My mother was devastated. She grieved the fact that she never knew her real family and that no one ever told her. After my grandmother passed, she decided to move to Greece to reconnect
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  • with the biological family she never met. She traveled to the region where her biological mother lived and met her for the first time, along with two older brothers and a younger sister.
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  • Her oldest brother was especially emotional because he vaguely remembered the day they gave my mother away as a baby. But from the start, my mom was hurt that none of them had ever tried
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  • to find her. Their excuse was that she had moved to the U.S., and was difficult to track her down, while her biological mother said she had made a pact with her
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  • cousin (my adoptive grandmother) never to reveal the truth. The entire village had been told that my mom had dad as a baby, so no one ever questioned it.
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  • For the past ten years, my parents have lived in Greece, and my mom has built a close relationship with her siblings. However, her relationship with her biological mother has
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  • remained distant and formal. She never got over the fact that this woman kept all her other children but gave her away—likely because she was a girl. At the
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  • time, boys were valued more because they worked the fields and contributed to the family's income, whereas girls were seen as a burden.
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  • Two years ago, I was able to move to Greece as well, since the parents who raised my mom left her a sizable inheritance. It allowed us to live comfortably,
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  • and honestly, I preferred the lifestyle here. We live in a beautiful place near the capital, and life is peaceful.
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  • Brooke, I'm your mother

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    via Mykhaylo Palinchak

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Now, here's the issue. My mom's biological mother is now 96 years old and in very poor health. Her biological father passed away decades ago due to political circumstances. Her two older brothers (her sister lives abroad)
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  • have been taking care of their mother, but they are exhausted. Their wives are complaining, tensions are rising, and at a recent family gathering, they told my mom that she should also help take care of their mother because it's "unfair" that they are doing it alone.
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  • My father was furious when he heard this and told my mother to cut them off entirely. My mom refuses to take care of this woman—she doesn't love her, doesn't feel any emotional
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  • connection to her, and can't forgive her for abandoning her. My mom is not close to this woman's and of course she has no legal claim to any inheritance from this family.
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  • However, she has truly enjoyed her relationship with her siblings and their children and doesn't want to lose that. She's feeling pressured, though, and she's deeply upset by their demands.
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  • When I found out, I was livid. How dare these people ask this of my mother, knowing full well that she was abandoned and that no one even attempted to find her? | feel like they're manipulating her, and she's unable to see how unfair this is.
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  • I'm getting married in a month to my fiancé (who is Greek and fully supportive of me), and I am seriously considering uninviting all of them from the wedding. I want to send a clear message
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  • that we don't want contact with them anymore. However, my mother is hesitant—she doesn't want to escalate things, even though she's hurting.
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  • I feel like she's not as attached to these people as she thinks. She's mourning the idea of the family she never had rather than truly loving these people. And I hate seeing her being taken advantage of.
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  • I always idealized Greece and the strong bonds of family, but now I see that's not always the case. I'm so disappointed by all of this.
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  • What would you do in this situation? Would you cut them off? Would you disinvite them from the wedding? How can I help my mother navigate this?
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  • Edit: I forgot to mention something I think is important. My mom suggested they find a senior care facility to put her biological mother in. She even offered to pay a quarter of the price. My biological uncles were "offended" because they said it was disrespectful to their mother to put her in a nursing home.
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  • (Another Greek thing). Although they are generally financially comfortable, a quarter for a good structure can mean 400- 500€/person per month.Which, by Greek standards, is enough. I think their idea of "help" is taking her biological mother home for a few months.
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  • Huntress 145 Your wedding, your choice. If you don't want them there, uninvite them. Tell them that due to their recent behaviour they are no longer welcome to your wedding.
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  • MollyPitcherPence Ask your mother what she would prefer you do about inviting them, or not, to your wedding. Then abide by her wishes.
    via MollyPitcherPence

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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