'I was told that they can't help out with them unless it's one baby at time': Woman has triplets, in-laws claim it's too many kids for them to help, woman wants to keep them out of her kids' birthday party

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 23, 2025 4:00 PM EST

We all know the old saying. "Two is company, three is a crowd." Three's an odd number, and if you're in a group of three, there's usually one who gets left out. And yet, there are so many iconic groups of threes. Peter, Paul, and Mary. Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Alvin, Simon, and Theo. You know the other thing they say about three? That it's the magic number.

So, why all this talk about three? Well, imagine you find out that you're about to give the greatest gift of all: the gift of life. You've got a bun in the oven, a baby on the way, and one day they tell you it's not just one baby, it's three! Triple the gift of life, you're having triplets. It's up to you now which way you slice it: is three company? Or is it all the more magical now with that mythic number?

One woman thought her triplets were the greatest gift she could ever receive. Her in-laws, however, didn't have the same reaction. When they opted out of helping out with childcare one too many times, this woman got skeptical of their real reasons. Read on to see how some family favoritism causes some real strife. 

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    "AITAH for not inviting my In-laws to my triplets birthday party?"

    My (28f) husband (29m) and I welcomed a set of triplet boys that were born so prematurely we were told to not expect them to survive. My SIL was also pregnant at this time and carried her son to full term. Anyway, after
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    her son to full term. Anyway, after a very very long NICU stay and many appointments, all 3 boys are home and doing very well! My parents have been very involved with the triplets care and if it weren't for them I would have probably lost my mind a while back ago. My in laws/ however,
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    back ago. My in laws/ however, have not been. During the lengthy NICU stay, they were constantly there and making promises that since we had triplets and obviously needed more help that they were going to be there as soon as I sent a text.
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    After about 2 months of all 3 boys being home, my in laws completely stopped helping whatsoever. They don't call or text to check in on the boys or my husband and I, it's like we don't even exist unless they need a new photo to post on Facebook to seem like super grandparents to 4 kids born around the same time. Now my father has vision
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    Her parents are saints.

    time. Now my father has vision issues and my mother is wheelchair bound but they are texting me every single day asking about me, my husband, the boys. How they can help, trying to schedule date nights for my husband and I to reconnect, showing up to appointments with me when my husband has to work so I don't have to bring in all 3 kids solo. I am very thankful.
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    My MIL is retired and my FIL works in a big company. I understand that my FIL works a lot and has a busy job and I don't expect them to take the boys everyday. They claim that it's too hard to watch all 3 kids solo so they can't be involved.
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    Now my nephew was born full term and is your normal 1 year old and my in laws are very much involved with him. They have pictures of him all over their house, he has his own private room at their home, they even have multiple photos albums of just him in each room of their house. My FIL has taken off work before just to spend time with my nephew plenty of times.
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    I pulled my in laws to the side a few times to discuss favoritism and they swear up and down that's not it, it's just easier to deal with just one kid. I very much understand that and I would like to clarify I don't expect anyone to watch my children because they're my responsibility, but I don't think it's fair to be there for one child and not the rest. We all live within 5
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    not the rest. We all live within 5 minutes of each other so travel isn't an issue either. I was told that they can't help out with them unless it's one baby at time. They did that one time for each kid 5 months ago and it's been radio silence since.
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    My boys turn 2 this April and we are currently planning the party. I told my husband that I don't think they deserve to be invited to their birthday party this year. My husband is on board but we know that if we go through with this, it will be a blow up so big there will be no turning back from this at all.
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    People commiserated with this woman, and offered some sound advice.

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    Invite them, but have a photo book printed up of the kids over the last year. Share it around during the party. Make sure there are lots of pics of your parents, and none of your in laws. They'll be mad when they notice, but they'll have no one to blame but themselves.
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    NTA "Sorry for not inviting you. It's just easier to deal with one set of grandparents at a time, and the kids actually have a relationship with my parents. Since more than one child will be there, we didn't think you would want to be involved anyway." I'm a petty b though with no patience for BS.
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    A real wise guy here.

    Tell them you'd invite them but you know they'd only attend a party for one kid at a time and you're not having three parties. NTA
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    I invited my parents to dinner once when my kids. were very young. My mother declined as she said it was too far to drive (about 45 minutes). However, she and my dad would visit my brother and sister in law frequently and they also lived about 45 minutes away. I never invited them again. Their loss. NTA
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    No judgement. BUT - your husband is the one who should be dealing with his parents. Have him ask them if they are even interested in coming to the party.
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    It's sad, but not uncommon for grandparents to be more involved in their daughters' families than their sons' families. I am NOT saying it's OK, just that I think it's not uncommon.
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    Some people this may not be the bridge to burn.

    Don't blow up a family relationship when they live 5 blocks away. It's not worth it. Tell them they aren't expected to come to the chaos of a birthday party at this age, but would they like. to come over and have pizza another night? NTA, but don't go scorched earth on them. BTW, sounds like your parents are absolute saints and I'm happy your kids have them in their lives
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    It's not worth it. Just accept them where they're at and be grateful for the help you get from your parents.
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family drama aita triplets kids reddit story parenting in laws family reddit thread Reddit
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