Sensitive 9-year-old backs out of flower girl duties at aunt's wedding after she forgets her birthday and doesn't follow up on rain checks: "I don't believe my daughter should have to reach out for attention from her"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2025 5:00 PM EST

I was a flower girl once. To adults, the task seems easy enough. Just look cute, walk down the aisle, throw some flowers here and there, and then run to your mom. To a child, though, it's pretty daunting. If you're quite small, the pews you must walk through look massive and imposing; the aisle looks long, never-ending, and wrought with opportunities to trip over your own shoes with all eyes staring right at you. I've been to weddings where anxious children make it down the aisle without issue but forget to actually throw the petals. It's a lot. My experience was positive, I think -- that, or I totally blocked it out. 

In our story today, a sensitive 9-year-old accepts the task of being the flower girl at her aunt's wedding. Thinking that this meant that she and her aunt were going to be besties, she was disappointed when she never reached out on her birthday – nor on any of the days following. Feeling rejected and used at such a young age, she requested to be pulled out of the wedding altogether. Read all about it by scrolling down. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for pulling me and my daughter out of my SIL wedding?

    "My daughter was upset and asked to not be in the wedding."
    via @capecodphoto

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My 9 year old daughter and I were asked to be in my SILS wedding. We said yes.
    via Reddit
  • 03
    We only see her 2-3 times a year. My daughter's birthday, Christmas, and maybe 1 other time. We aren't super close, we text every so often but it's usually if she needs something. She doesn't check
    via Reddit
  • 04
    in with us (which tbh I don't really care). She doesn't ask about my daughter and how she's doing. My daughter said yes to being a flower girl because she was excited. I said yes as a bridesmaid because I don't have any ill will towards her and I didn't really feel strongly enough to say no.
    via Reddit
  • 05
    HOWEVER, she did not come to my daughter's birthday party a couple weeks ago. My daughter asked where she was and my husband called her. He asked her where she was at and she said "on my couch, why?". He told her that she was supposed to be here at the party. She became super apologetic
    via Reddit
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10468774912
    via Kzenon

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    and said she has been so busy with wedding planning that she forgot and that she will make it up to my daughter this week. Fine, whatever. I can genuinely understand she may have been busy. I was under the impression she would at least say happy birthday. She never did. She never reached
    via Reddit
  • 08
    out the two days we mentioned would work best or the following weekend. My daughter was upset and asked to not be in the wedding. Honestly, I was pretty upset too. I have a lot going on but was willing to put everything aside to be there for her big
    via Reddit
  • 09
    day. But after she couldn't even remember her birthday or reach out at all, I texted her and said I'm pulling myself and my daughter out of the wedding (which is months away in December).
    via Reddit
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10468774656
    via Ivan Samkov from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    She instantly got upset and started saying this isn't right and that I'm being unfair. I told her everything I mentioned above and that my daughter doesn't even really know her. My husband is behind me on this and is on my side.
    via Reddit

  • It's clear that our protagonist's sister-in-law only thought of her daughter as a cute face and ornament for her wedding; she didn't take the young girl's feelings seriously and totally brushed even when she knew how she felt.

  • 12
    Edit: I want to add that she makes plans with multiple friends and their kids. Which is posted on Facebook and I screenshot it all to send it to her as a reminder. We live about a half hour away from each other. I don't believe my daughter should have to reach out for attention from her, thats an adults job. And she doesn't do it.
    via Reddit
  • 13
    FunProfessional570 NTA. Seems she only wants contact when convenient for her. It's not like you pulled out a few weeks beforehand. She's got lots of time to figure out her wedding. Just don't get sucked into helping with anything.
    via u/FunProfessional570
  • 14
    CUL8RPINKTY OP, I am exceedingly proud of your little girl for being able to articulate her needs and for you to HEAR HER and act upon those needs. You did the right thing for your family and I'm super proud of all of you to reject the gaslighting and usury this SIL seems able to dish out. Kudos!
    via u/CUL8RPINKTY
  • 15
    Apart Foundation1702 Exactly! OP yours and your dauthers relationship with SIL is clearly one-sided, and she's only around when it suits her. NTA! I'm glad your daughter has been able to see who her aunt truly is! i.e., user.
    via u/Apart_Foundation702
  • 16
    Illgetdownvotedsadly It's definitely her responsibility to keep in touch, especially since she knows your daughter is involved in the wedding. Sounds like she's taking you both for granted. Good for you for standing up for her!
    via u/Illgetdownvotedsadly
  • 17
    FaithlessnessHead417 NTA. It's not like it's last minute. Nobody is too busy to tell a nine year old Happy Birthday, especially belatedly.
    via u/FaithlessnessHead417
  • 18
    Flimsy-Field-8321 Right? Five minutes on Amazon- send a gift with a note saying so sorry I can't join you in person this year. So happy you are my flower girl! Done
    via u/Flimsy-Field-8321
  • 19
    ConfusedAt63 NTA, I think you did the right thing by listening to your daughter and validating her feelings. Your daughter doesn't deserve to be let down like that then be expected to give her time to the person that blew her off and hurt her feelings. Please share my point of view with your SIL.
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 20
    SIL is essentially saying, "Even though I hurt your feelings, and did not do what I told you I would do, | want you to forget your hurt feelings and come do a favor for me." Please share this with her.
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 21
    - tempdump9 NTA You're respecting your daughter's feelings. That's good parenting. She's learning to set boundaries and not accept being treated poorly young. Good job!
    via u/tempdump9

  • Our protagonist is amazing for listening to he daughter and not forcing her to be the flower girl just because they made the commitment.

  • 22
    Accomplished-Emu-591 NTA, especially since your daughter no longer wants to participate. She had ample time to make nice. If she only contacts you when she wants something, she isn't close enough for you to be in the bridal party. I'll bet you save a lot of money, too
    via u/Accomplished-Emu-591
  • 23
    SafeWord9999 She just wants your kid there as a token cute kid for her wedding and I'm guessing you're in the wedding cos she doesn't have any other mates - which isn't surprising
    via u/SafeWord9999
  • 24
    ChuckieLow Your daughter is super excited about this. She's going to be super disappointed when she spends the day as a prop and an afterthought of her aunt's. She's is imagining being a part of the wedding.
    via u/ChuckieLow
  • 25
    Exciting! It's not going to be that. I was the flower girl at her age for my sisters (yeah, parents had kids in three decades) and they took me dress shopping, let ME pick out decorations for the shower the MOH was having. Stuff like that. Maybe SIL hasn't started
    via u/ChuckieLow
  • 26
    wedding stuff yet, but she's not building a relationship. A little disappointment now on both sides is better than big frustration from SIL on her wedding day with a bummed out very disappointed kid.
    via u/ChuckieLow
  • 27
    Nta groovymama98 Your daughter has a good point. How much does she really mean to sil if sil forgets or ignores her birthday? Then, she doesn't follow through afterward.
    via u/groovymama98
  • 28
    You're right that sil is an adult and should know she's been beyond r de to her little niece. She should get busy and beging making it up to her niece. Not just for her to be a flower girl but because she loves her niece.
    via u/groovymama98
  • 29
    Jerseygirl2468 NTA it sounds like a very one sided relationship, and she couldn't even bother to say happy birthday to your kid.
    via u/Jerseygirl2468

Tags

flower girl family drama wedding drama birthday mother reddit story relationships parenting sister in law wedding love entitled reddit thread daughter Reddit
Scroll Down For The Next Article