20-year-old demands payment after her ex-friend donates an expensive coat she left at her apartment for over half a year: "It's your own fault for not listening"

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  • 01

    AITA refusing pay coat chucked because left at my house months.

    “I chucked it in a charity bag with a lot of other clothes"
  • 02
    I've never really wrote on reddit before but i just want to know if i would be the AH in this situation. i 22 female and my friend 20 female who we will call belle for this story. had been on the rocks with out
  • 03
    friendship for awhile, neither of us bothered to see each other much since she stayed with me after being kicked out of her flat. a couple days ago we had a huge argument about the way i spoke to her.
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    Cheezburger Image 10469107968
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    (this was on text chat and i have autism so that type of thing is confusing for me. she knew this.) i tried to explain and defend myself but she victimised herself (as always.) started to say i never bother i with her and she's the only one who makes effort. i said i only check in once in awhile since her
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    boyfriend doesn't like her at my house anymore due to him liking being around my brother. (she had a thing with my brother out of spite when we had an argument.) and she got really upset and angry, calling me names, saying i was useless then blocked me before i could've replied.
  • 07
    fast forwarding to today. she texted me again. "i left my coat at yours and id like it back.", by this point i gutted my entire bedroom and me and belle have a very different size in weight. i thought it was one of my old coats considering it was in the back of my wardrobe (it had been there for over half a year.) so
  • 08
    i chucked it in a charity bag with a lot of other clothes taking them to a women's aid. i told her that her coat was gone and that i had donated it. she got MAD and started to demand i pay her back for the coat. i refused as in my head, leaving something you
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    apparently care about so much at someone else's house for almost 7 months despite being told to pick it up. you no longer want that coat, i had forgotten it was hers and i told her that it was her own fault for not listening and picking up her bits. so AITAH in this situation?
  • 11
    Majestic Shoe5175 So she was told to pick it up multiple times but you also forgot it was hers so donated it? That's a bit confusing. If it was an expensive coat I'd be peeved to if someone chucked it. But I also am only going to hold on to someone's stuff for a limited time (I don't like clutter) I'll tell you a few times to come get it and then I'll say hey if you don't come get this I'm donating it. That usually works.
  • 12
    Soooo even though I think you may have intentionally or subconsciously got rid of it on purpose I'm still gonna say NTA
  • 13
    Jazzapop3 She says she told her to come pick up her "bits" so I'm assuming that's just a general "come get your stuff" and wasn't keeping tabs on specific items. In this case NTA.
  • 14
    PandaSims In hs i had a policy with my friends "2 weeks or it aint yours anymore". Unless certain circumstances (a buddy was in the hospital for a month and a half so her things were returned when she returned), they had two weeks.
  • 15
    My house was THE house in hs. Cool mom that actually cares, snacks, game systems, and i had two twin beds in my room because my older sibling got a full sized bed and i wanted friends to have a real bed to sleep on rather than the floor. People were there nearly daily with multiple chances to grab their sh.
  • 16
    birbdaughter Could've told her to pick it up multiple times in the first month and then nearly 6 more months passed and forgot.
  • 17
    sheath2 If it was an expensive coat, the "friend" should have taken better care of her belongings and gotten it sooner.
  • 18
    KnivesandKittens NTAH. I once asked a police officer about some things left at my place. He said 30 days and it is your to keep, sell, donate or whatever. This is NOT legal advice, just what was told to me.
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    qwertyuiiop145 It's probably one of those things that varies by state but generally if you say "come get your stuff", don't try to make it difficult to get the stuff in any way, and they don't try to get it, then after a while the stuff they left is considered abandoned and you can do whatever you want with it.
  • 21
    progrethth This depends a lot on jurisdiction. In Sweden it would be illegal to donate the coat, but it would similarly also be illegal to not pick it up once requested.
  • 22
    NTA Practical_Tooth_2329 This person isn't your friend.
  • 23
    SliceEquivalent825 So you forgot about the coat yet you repeatedly asked her to pick it up....right...you're both the AH. Sounds like you are trying to cover for being passive aggressive.
  • 24
    Electrical-Jelly-802 It sounds like OP's friend had left several items at her house. OP mentioned telling the friend to pick up her bits, which implies that she had left. multiple things at her house. OP probably told the
  • 25
    friend to get her stuff several times, but may not have mentioned the coat specifically, considering that she had left other stuff there, as well. OP probably forgot about the coat itself, but told the friend numerous times to come get her things in general.
  • 26
    anothermegan I can see her asking the friend to pick her stuff up several times for a few weeks / a month but completely forgetting about it 3 or 4 months later. Not saying she can't be passive aggressive but it's not normal to only claim a item you liked so much after half a year and expect people to hold it up for you.
  • 27
    simulacrum79 ESH So you asked her multiple times about her coat and then all of a sudden you don't remember what that same coat looks like and you throw it out?
  • 28
    It sounds way more plausible that you were being spiteful and you threw out the coat You clearly don't like her. Be honest to yourself and just let this friendship di off. It will be better for the both of you.
  • 29
    its_ya_boi97 OP didn't ask about the coat specifically, but a more general "get the last of your stuff out of my house." After a certain length of time doing that, OP becomes the legal owner of anything abandoned, and has the right to do whatever they please
  • 30
    Delicious_Rub3404 I think the general idea is that they told their friend to pick up any stuff that belonged to them multiple times. Since that friend did not pick up the jacket it was deemed an unremarkable part of her old wardrobe that got donated.
  • 31
    nervousandweird NTA if you genuinely thought the coat was an old one of yours and donated it based off that assumption. 7 months is plenty of time for her to figure out how to get her things out of your home, and if she had a special attachment to the garment then it's only sensible that she would have made an effort to get it back.
  • 32
    However if you aren't being honest, and knew for a fact that the coat belonged to her, then you would be TA for donating it without giving her any notice beforehand.
  • 33
    -Nightopian- OP is not being honest. You don't just accidentally assume that a coat which is too large for you is your coat. I'm not buying OP's story here.
  • 34
    Calligrapher Ok8410 OP its too small for me not large, i mentioned in another comment, that we had the same size at one point and very similiar style in everything, ive gained alot of weight since then due to thyroid problems which also effect my memory. so it being in the back of my wardrobe ofcorse i was going to assume it was my old coat, ive got loads of coats so i didnt question it.

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