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This family seems like a family of narcissists. I can't believe they're turning his pain on him, and not taking responsibility for anything. That's the telltale sign of someone who lacks any amount of compassion or empathy. Of course he wants his family at his graduation, and they're making it seem like he's out of line.
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Emotionally manipulative? Gaslighting? The only people doing the emotional manipulation and gaslight here is OP's family. How could they expect him to just be ignored his whole life? He's just a kid, he wants love and to be recognized for his successes and life accomplishments.
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17-year-old overlooked by family for being a single sibling among two sets of twins, they turn on him when he begs them to come to his graduation: “You’re emotionally manipulating us”
Family dynamics are always tough. No one's family is perfect, and everyone has their own insecurities in family contexts. It might be that you're the youngest of several siblings who were born close together, or maybe you're the older one and your younger siblings are best friends. Maybe you're the middle child and a guy, with an older and younger sister, or maybe the reverse. There's a slew of dynamics that can come up with sibling rivalry, competition, discomfort, or just plain insecurity. I once had a friend who had a complex from being an only child, and she thought that all her life problems would be cured if she had a sibling. She associated siblings with an everlasting friend, a forever companion. From people who do grow up with siblings, this usually isn't the case. Not everyone has a good relationship with their siblings.
In the story below, a 17-year-old is forgotten for being a singlet with twin siblings. His parents were floored when they found out they were having twins, but to have lightning strike twice? It made them feel so special and connected to their unique set of twins. Then they had their fifth kid, but there wasn't the same celebration and attention around him, creating insecurities in his life.