Dad insists on excluding 11-year-old daughter from 'guys only' trip with 13-year-old son and 12-year-old nephew, doesn't understand when she gets upset: 'He really wants this time without any women present'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 23, 2025 4:00 PM EST

A question that occurs to almost all parents who have both sons and daughters is how differently they need to be parented. Finding a way to acknowledge the fact that they may have different needs while also raising them as equally as possible can be a challenge. As phenomena like boy moms expose, it is something that many parents can fail at miserably, and be shameless about it to boot.

While most people would agree that it is an important part of the upbringing for boys and girls to spend quality time with their same-gender parents, it is definitely something that needs to be handled sensitively. This is even more true when they have a close relationship with their parent of the opposite gender. If it isn't properly dealt with and explained, the exclusion can be hurtful and reveal some deeper problems within the relationships between kids and parents as they get older.

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    via Kelly Sikkema

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one mom was struggling with after her husband wanted to take his son and nephew on a ‘guys only’ trip. This excluded his daughter, who was a similar age and normally enjoyed many of the same activities as her dad and brother. While the mom lobbied for her daughter to be included, the dad refused and his sister backed him up. After the trip happened, his daughter began acting increasingly distant towards him. This led the dad to complain to his wife, leaving her wondering if she had mishandled the situation.

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    via Kelly Sikkema

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AskAubry DO @ask_aubry There is no backtracking now. He already shown his daughter what he thinks of her.
    via ask_aubry
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    r/AmltheAsshole AITA for insisting my daughter should be allowed to go on the "guys only" family trip? I have two kids, John, who is 13, and Kelsey, who is 11. My daughter, Kelsey, has always been a tomboy and prefers hanging out with her older brother and my husband. She goes fishing and watches/plays sports with them. Meanwhile, I enjoy gardening and baking. No biggie to me. I love their bond and am happy she's close with her brother and dad. My husband's only sister is a single mom and has re
    via ask_aubry
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    Later, I told my husband that Kelsey should go too and that there's no reason to exclude her. He said he just wants some guy time with his son and nephew, and that men need to have "their time away from women." I took offense to that comment, which led to an argument between us. I told him that Kelsey needs to go, otherwise I won't approve of money being taken out of our family vacation budget to exclude some of our family. My sister-in-law texted me saying I'm being controlling and ruining a go
    via ask_aubry
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    AITA for not helping my husband repair his relationship with our daughter after he excluded her from a "guys only trip"? Crosspost You can read some of the details if you go through my post history. Essentially, my husband has decided he wants to have a "guys only" trip this summer with my son (13 M) and nephew (12 M). My daughter (11 F) is a tomboy who is into sports and fishing and extremely close with her brother and dad, and the three of them often spent a lot of time together. My husband an
    via ask_aubry
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    My husband noticed this behavior and tried to cheer her up by telling her he would plan something really cool, just the two of them, but our daughter told him she didn't want to do anything. A couple days later, my daughter needed to be picked up early from school for a dentist appointment. My husband said he would pick her up, but she texted me, asking, "Please, mom, can you pick me up and bring me?" My daughter also has been getting the school bus in the morning instead of catching a ride with
    via ask_aubry
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    Commenters were split between understanding both the mom and the dad's point of view.

    PayTheB tch @PayTheB tch Replying to @ask_aubry Wait. HE decided to exclude his daughter against his wife's advice. HE said he would fix it when HIS decision inevitably hurt his daughter. Now he expects his wife to fix it for him? No wonder the daughter doesn't want to be around him. Eewwwww
    via PayTheBtch
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    n2antarctic ❤ @n2antarctic Replying to @ask_aubry He was warned in advance, far in advance. He ignored that advice, and did it anyway. Why is the mom expected to pick up the pieces of his decisions? The daughter has chosen to do what feels right for her and right now that's excluding dad in the same way he chose to exclude her (in her mind) because he hasn't been open with her. At this age, everything is personal. Ignoring that is what is going to get you in trouble with your kids.
    via n2antarctic
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    magicalamberjade... @magically_amber Replying to @ask_aubry I am absolutely sure the father has done everything... minus the big things of accepting he screwed up, let go of this ridiculous thing of "the men need time away!" (Really why did you marry someone if you need time away like that?), and apologize to his daughter.
    via magically_amber
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    Valkyries for women @valkyriesrwomen Replying to @ask_aubry He basically told her that he thought she was less than her brother and her cousin. Now he's half gonna have to deal with the fallout.
    via valkyriesrwomen
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    California Curmudge... ❤ @NorCalifPatriot Replying to @ask_aubry One thing I think a lot of people are missing. This trip is about providing a male role model and male resources for the son of a single mother aka the nephew. I lost my Dad when I was 10. People from family and church stepped up to give me positive male role models and people I could talk to.
    via NorCalifPatriot
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    Keri Smith Deprog... ❤ @RealKeriSmith Replying to @ask_aubry This is mom's fault. The boys need bonding time; that's normal. Mom is turning the daughter against the father by not being on his team about this and treating it like the no-big-deal that it is. Mom is not being a good example, imho.
    via RealKeriSmith
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    Freely Ashley @TheFreelyAshley Replying to @ask_aubry There's nothing wrong with the boys spending time together on their own. Mom should have taken daughter to do something special just the two of them but instead, she helped add to a rift.
    via TheFreelyAshley
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    Seth @Sethmr1989 Replying to @ask_aubry I have 8 siblings. 6 sisters. My dad spent crazy amounts of time with all of us. He had daddy daughter days I wasn't invited to and he had days where it was just me and days it was just his sons. The problem here is putting so much emphasis on a single event.
    via Sethmr1989
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    Randomsol @Randomsol1 Replying to @ask_aubry It's sad in all sorts of ways- it's obvious the daughter enjoyed the time they spent together. But father basically told her that she'd always be second best to the son- which has broken the relationship Also notable trying bribes rather than conversation to fix it afterwards
    via Randomsol1
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    Ludo @LucidLudo Replying to @ask_aubry It's a pretty easy fix, just plan a special dad/ daughter event or trip.
    via LucidLudo
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    Dr. Sydney Watson @SydneyLWatson Replying to @ask_aubry I feel like I'm going mad reading these comments Imfao Daughter got excluded from activities she really enjoys with the two people she obviously adores - her dad and brother. Mother points this out to father, says daughter is gonna be ped. Daughter ends up being ped. And somehow this is the mother's fault? Mother is exclusively interacting with dad, not daughter. Mother could very well have been trying to hype daughter up about a fun mother
    via SydneyLWatson
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    Tim @tjm585 Replying to @ask_aubry If it were one on one with only his son I could see it. One on one with his son and nephew is a little weirder. Only way I see it ok is if he is willing to do the same for her one on one.
    via tjm585
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    Chris Oldman @ChrisOldman4 Replying to @ask_aubry My very first question would be, did the husband apologize to the daughter for his error? I mean really apologize and admit he messed up. The situation seems bad enough that he can't just glide past it.
    via ChrisOldman4
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    Bootleg Garlic Bread... @localquackhead There's nothing wrong with having a men's or women's trip, but bro..intention matters. You made your daughter feel like sh and acting like being around her and your wife is so grating you need "time away" with 2 kids who just happen to be male. It's a hard road repairing
    via localquackhead
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    Christina? @christinapr1sc there is absolutely nothing to be gained from being "one of the boys”
    via christinapr1sc
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    α:ji @miseenplacer man needs time away from women, has his time away from women, comes back needing a woman to help with the damage *he* caused
    via miseenplacer
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    Serenity Ontario @PurpleGoth22 He shows his daughter what she means to him and expects Mom to be the little fixer-upper. No, you fix it because you f ed up, not your wife! If the roles were reversed would the Dad see his error I, I doubt it
    via PurpleGoth22
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    Timely Legal Pun @alyginspace Man, the men in the quotes really do not get what the issue is here. If you need to "get away" from your daughter and not your son, she's gonna internalize that lesson hard. It's not that men don't need "safe spaces," it's that this girl now thinks her dad loves her less.
    via alyginspace
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    Gianni @datboiyahh I understand the desire for single s bonding, however my issue with this is that the father picked an activity that his daughter enjoys and they regularly all do together. It's not like she would hold them back or change the nature of the trip, so it just feels a bit sexist.
    via datboiyahh
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    DdBach11 @ddbach11 The fact of the matter is that he treated his daughter like many men treat women and they think it's okay. He could have shown his son and nephew something greater by including his daughter like teaching them how to treat women. Oh wait, he just did. How did he fair?
    via ddbach11
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    sarabi @sweetsugarbuddy ppl only focusing on "well men need male-only time" are not understanding how genuinely devastating it is to approach puberty age as a girl and realize that you will NEVER be treated the same again.
    via sweetsugarbuddy
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    Natalia (2.0) @Nattalie_fm2 You can have your little guys' trip, but framing it as "needing to detox and rest from being around women" is gonna hurt her. So you need time away from your daughter but you don't need a break from your son? Hmm
    via Nattalie_fm2

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