‘They drained my bank account and left me to cover months of unpaid utilities and a hefty HOA fine’: 33-year-old daughter buys house for her mom and brothers, only for them to stop paying bills and spread lies about her and her husband

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 25, 2025 6:00 AM EST

Life is full of contracts. Some are explicit, like the ones you sign with a lawyer looming over your shoulder, and others are unspoken, like the ones that sneak in when you're born into a family. Philosophers call it the social contract, but let's not romanticize it. The real social contract feels less like a noble agreement to coexist harmoniously and more like a tricky terms-of-service document where you accidentally give away your soul while trying to get free Wi-Fi at the airport.

Family is arguably the first contract you sign, though nobody hands you a pen. The deal is simple: you inherit genetic material, a few good recipes, and a lifetime subscription to unsolicited opinions. In exchange, you're expected to provide unyielding loyalty, emotional labor, and occasional tech support when your mom accidentally connects the fridge to the neighbor's Bluetooth speaker. There's no opting out, and the cancellation fee is internal guilt. Somewhere in the margins of this familial contract, there's an invisible footnote that says, "Any attempt to enforce personal boundaries will be treated as an act of betrayal."

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  • "AITA for walking away from my family after my mom drained my finances, favored my brothers over me, and threatened to turn the whole family against me?"

    "She threatened to turn the whole family against me, saying I'd become the next black sheep"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Until a month ago, I (33F) haven't spoken to my mom or most of my extended family in over two years. The short version is: I bought a home for my mom (63F) and brothers (36M, 40M) to live in, as long as they cared for it and covered the monthly costs. Instead, they skipped payments,
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  • Today’s signee, who bought her family a house thought she was closing a real estate deal, but what she actually signed was a binding agreement to fund financial recklessness and endure endless blame for not enjoying the experience. It’s less a home and more an empirical study in why personal boundaries should come with paperwork.

  • drained my bank account, and left me to cover months of unpaid utilities and a hefty HOA fine. My brother and his girlfriend (now wife) even stole major appliances on their way out. My husband and I were left with a packed, filthy house that took over a year to clean and repair.
    via ecynosure
  • Now, I'm moving overseas for at least three years, possibly starting my own family there, and I struggle with feeling like I don't even want my mom to be a part of it. I still feel conflicted and hurt
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  • because she admitted that helping my brothers was more important than helping me even when I was the one supporting everyone.
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  • The longer version: Shortly after CD hit, I found myself stuck in my apartment alone, working from my living room for over a month. I saw that interest rates were low, and I thought this was finally my chance to help my family have a stable home. We
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  • lost our childhood house in the 2008 crisis, and my family had bounced around rentals ever since. I called my mom, asked where she wanted to live, and got the process started.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I let her pick the house, worked with my friend as the agent, and I fronted the down payment and closing costs. The deal was simple: I'd buy the house with my credit and funds, and they'd cover the monthly mortgage and
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  • their living expenses. It was my way of doing my part to help the family. I didn't flaunt it or tell anyone but those closest to me. If anyone asked, I told them it was my mom's house, not mine.
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  • We moved in, and I initially covered everything: mortgage, insurance, HOA, and utilities. My mom switched jobs, so I continued to cover things for about six months, feeling like I had no choice. But then she
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  • pushed for home upgrades - painting, new floors, fixtures - charging them to my card with promises of paying me back that would never happen. Then I took a pay cut to join a new job that was better for my mental health,
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  • and the financial strain became unbearable. I lived in the smallest room, didn't have a car, struggled to afford food, while my mom earned more than me and still contributed nothing. She was simply spending all her money
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  • paying for my other brother's (34M) apartment to support her only grandson (8M) and mismanaging the rest on her hobbies and personal projects, which I was fined $1,300 for from HOA.
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  • I knew as long as I was there she would force me to take care of the bills. I gently pushed to leave the house so they'd take responsibility for payments. Eight months after buying the home, I moved back near my work and
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  • VERAL RESERVE NOTE STANITED STATES OF A FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE THE UNITED STATES OF AME THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TEATE BTS-UBLIC AND B51 WASH B B1637443 D ONE DOLLAR Ear Steven T. Mawhin 2
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • slowly furnished a new apartment, excited to get back into a healthy routine. But every few months, my mom stopped sending money for the mortgage without warning. I'd only find out when I saw my account draining.
    via ecynosure
  • When I confronted her, she'd guilt-trip me or promise to pay later, but it kept happening. The last two months of my lease, she sent nothing. I couldn't afford renewing my apartment lease
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  • and covering the mortgage, so I had to sell everything and move back into the smallest room of the house even though I was paying for the whole thing.
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  • A few months later my mom decided to quit her job to go back to her old employer, saying so she can make more money to be able to help me with the house, although I knew it was a lie. She wouldn't send me money;
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  • it was because she didn't want to adjust her lifestyle to a lower salary. After she left, my husband and I tried to move into the master bedroom — which only had her empty furniture in it — she lost it. She demanded we
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  • remove her furniture so my brother could sell it, instead of letting us use it. She was furious at the idea of me moving into "her room," and wanted to just let my brother's dogs live in that room (because she wanted to do
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  • that for my brother and his girlfriend), even though I pay for the entire house. She threatened to turn the whole family against me, saying I'd become the next black sheep like my uncle who
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  • abandoned his wife on her deathbed, and she would "make sure of it." I was shocked and couldn't believe how she was treating me.
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  • Two weeks later, one of my brother's and his girlfriend moved out overnight, stealing my washer, dryer, kitchen appliances, and half my workout equipment. They left a mountain of trash, unpaid bills, and a garage full of
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  • boxes floor-to-ceiling, with rotting food and mouse feces and urine that destroyed everything (my brother's girlfriend didn't like him killing the mice). My husband and I spent days clearing it out, finding ruined family photos, mementos,
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  • generational accolades and everything else simply destroyed. My eldest brother stayed and helped me with the mortgage every month as part of renting his room.
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  • To make things worse, my mom called my best friend — and likely every family member — to spread lies about my husband, saying she didn't trust him, he was using me and probably cheating on me. She explained to
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  • her how my brothers needed more help than I did and insinuated that I was selfish for not being willing to pay for everything, even though I couldn't afford it nor did she explicitly ask me to take on that responsibility. Only my best
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  • friend told me what she was saying about me. Not one family member called to check in on me or hear my side. They just told her to let me learn from my own mistakes, but I could feel their judgment whenever I was around their presence.
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  • Through all of this, my husband was my rock. He poured himself into fixing the house, supporting me emotionally, and helping me stand my ground. Our first years of marriage should've been about love and adventure, but instead, we were stuck with a home we
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  • didn't choose and a mountain of problems we didn't create. Without him, I might have kept sacrificing myself to my family's toxicity.
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  • When I blocked my mom and my brother with the girlfriend, I made it clear to my other brothers that without an apology, I'll never speak to them again and have been no-contact the entire time. My mom finally reached out two years later to my eldest brother,
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  • around Christmas, saying she wanted him to tell me she wanted to talk and to fix things. When we finally talked, she only called to get some information she needed, then tried to end the call without even apologizing. When I confronted her, she gave a reactive "I already said I'm
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  • sorry" only after I pointed out she never actually said it. She minimized everything, saying the family reached out to her, not the other way around — as if that erased the fact she fed them all her version of events.
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  • I told her the damage was done. I'd keep the few relationships I still valued, but I wanted no part in the family as a whole. I, who was often seen as a leader and an extension of my mom, would have been one of the few in the family who was capable of bringing everyone together, and
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  • had the ability to bridge the gap between younger cousins and older uncles. But I have zero interest in being that person anymore.
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  • I mourned the loss of my family for two years. I grieved the idea that all my success and hard work were meant to support them, only to be betrayed. But now, I feel ready to let go completely.
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  • I know that when I start my own family and have my first child, she's going to be really hurt if I don't involve her. But right now, I don't want her to be. I just don't know what the right thing to do is, or if it even matters after everything she's done.
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  • Am I just being an a hole and holding a grudge? Is it wrong to let go completely? Or am I just finally protecting myself from people who will never take responsibility for how deeply they hurt me?
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  • Backpacker7385 NTA, this is a toxic situation for you and going no contact sounds like the best solution for your mental health. You can reevaluate and change your mind down the road if the situation improves and it shows signs of becoming a healthy relationship.
    via Backpacker7385

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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