Future father-in-law skips son’s wedding rehearsal dinner despite paying for it, choosing to stay home and leaving the bride and groom musing: ‘[He] is allowed to not want to come for whatever reason. We are allowed to be disappointed’

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 27, 2025 6:00 AM EST

It's a well-documented phenomenon that as men age, we slowly revert to our primal selves. Call it a midlife crisis, call it evolution in reverse, but at some point, the modern man begins speaking less, grunting more, and marking his territory with a well-worn recliner. The man cave isn't just a place—it's the gateway to his ancestral roots. And dads? Dads are leading the charge back to the Stone Age, complete with an aversion to leaving their den for anything that requires socializing or wearing a button-down.  

Take this Future Father-in-Law, who I'm guessing it's not that he doesn't care, it's just that the pull of his natural instincts is stronger. The cave is warm, the television is glowing, and the big game is the mammoth he's hunting. Any event that requires interaction outside the tribe, in this case–immediate family or living room furniture lacking a dent in the shape of his majestic physique, is a threat to be avoided. The grunts grow louder, the visits grow fewer, and before you know it, he's mastered the ancient art of dodging anything that requires human connection, or food you can't eat like an otter.

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  • "FIL doesn’t want to attend our rehearsal dinner"

    "I'm hurt for my fiance that his dad doesn't want to participate in our wedding"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Take this Future Father-in-Law, a shining example of the Dad-to-Caveman transition. The signs have been there all along. Driving an hour to visit his son? Too far outside the safety of his cave. Staying the morning after the wedding for a family brunch? A caveman wouldn’t stick around for chit-chat; he’d be halfway home with a grunt and a dismissive wave. Attending the rehearsal dinner that he’s paying for? Absolutely not. Dad may fund the hunt, but he's not about to leave the fire to participate. The cave always comes first.  

  • Not sure if I need advice or just to vent. My future FIL is a massive home body and doesn't like to go out much. I've never been too bothered by it because I can understand. I also enjoy stay
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  • home. Has it made me sad that he hasn't made an effort to ever visit us an hour away? Yeah a little bit but I got over it because he doesn't want to drive in a metropolitan city and I can
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  • understand that. Did it bother me when he told me he would like skip our family brunch to leave early the morning after our wedding to be able to spend the day at home? Again, I was a little
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  • At some point we stop and start going backwards! Ooga booga!

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  • bothered but I can also understand wanting to rest after a 3 hour drive from our venue. But when he told us he would not attend our rehearsal or rehearsal dinner that he is paying for I was
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  • pretty upset. I honestly don't get it. I'm hurt for my fiance that his dad doesn't want to participate in our wedding more than the bare minimum. A part of me wants to bring it up to my MIL but I feel like that's not my place. I'm just... disappointed.
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  • EDIT to add: no, he is not agoraphobic. It is possible that he has an undiagnosed mental health issue. However, I think two things can be true. He is allowed to not want to come and my fiance and I are allowed to feel disappointed. I guess I was NOT looking for advice. Just to vent. Thank you.
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  • EDIT 2: wow this post went a little off the rails. I didn't realize this would become a discussion on if football is a cult and if weddings should/shouldn't be scheduled on game day! I also got a lot of comments saying rehearsal
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  • dinners are an overburden on guests and I'm going to just assume the folks saying that are not in the US. For those that don't know, rehearsal dinners are standard here and it's generally
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  • unusual NOT to have one. In fact, I would be getting a lot of pushback from both sides if we decided not to have one so please spare me on that.
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  • Peak, majestic male physique

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Look, I get what the majority of the comments are saying. It's just the rehearsal, he's coming to the actual wedding, I should just get over it. And you are right. We are thankful he's coming to our wedding and I'll try to keep the
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  • focus on that. Many have asked how my fiance feels about all of this and he is hurt but not surprised. As some of you have guessed, this incident is not in a vacuum. FIL has been disengaged
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  • from the family and parenting throughout my fiancés life. This is something fiance and my MIL have talked to me about on more than one occasion.
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  • Thank you to everyone who responded with empathy and understanding. Again, I want to emphasize that TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE. FIL is allowed to not want to come to the rehearsal
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  • for whatever reason it may be. We are allowed to be disappointed. I hope for all of those in the comments saying pretty mean things can take that into their day to day lives and hold space for others feelings. Thank you again for reading.
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  • Impressive Age1362 My FIL didn't want to come to our wedding because it was the same day as a big Notre Dame football game or change the day, I told him, he will be missed, but the show must go on, he came
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  • SweetPeazzy If his wife and son aren't saying anything then you definitely shouldn't.
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  • DanielSong39 Let him stay home
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  • Careful-Self-457 Let him be. Not everyone is ok in social situations. He is coming to the wedding, he hat is good enough.
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  • Girl_with_no_Swag Truly accepting his temperament means not confusing his decisions not to socialize in group settings and your disappointment with lack of love.
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  • For some people they really do have social anxiety and for those getting older, noisy public spaces with many conversations can be very agitating, especially if they have hearing loss (with or without wearing hearing aids).
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  • Which-Category5523 Weddings wear me ragged. Maybe he just doesn't have the social bandwidth to go to all the events. I barely make it thru the wedding and reception. I can't do the rest.
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  • Nerdmom7 I'm getting older (as we all are) and I care less and less for big social things, so I guess I get it. Esp if he truly never does them
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  • Interesting Fact1728 My FIL had very limited social bandwidth. He would come to family dinners or celebrations, stay for an hour and leave. It bothered my MIL until he told her take her own car and stay as long as she wanted.
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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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