'She's not my parent': 43-year-old stepmom who can't cook forces 'parental bonding' with 17-year-old stepson by asking him to teach her basic meals, son refuses to participate

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 27, 2025 3:00 PM EST

If you're a full-grown, able-bodied adult and you can't cook, there is something wrong with you. No offense, but there is. We literally need food to survive. So it's hubristic to think that your needs will be met magically despite you not knowing how to. Maybe you have someone in your life who cooks for you. Even if they enjoy doing it, it's your responsibility to take the burden off of them now and again. Maybe you rely on meal delivery services. You're wasting an immense amount of money if you do. Maybe you lean hard on prepared foods. The Earth and your body would like a word with you. 

Cooking can be such a pleasurable activity if you let it be. Turn on some good tunes and take your time chopping that onion. It's as creative as it is necessary. The woman in this story didn't quite understand that, though, and thought she'd ask a teenager for help.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10472856320
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Stepparent/ stepchild relationships can be tough on a good day. But they're especially tough when one of them expects something from the other that they are not willing to give. And in my opinion, it's usually best to let the child set the tone. Read on to see what happened in this story, and who you think was in the wrong.

  • 02

    AITA for not teaching my dad's wife how to cook some basic meals?

    My dad got married three months ago. His wife Jen (43F) doesn't know how to cook. Or she knows what you're meant to do but she can't make anything edible or taste even okay. It's always overcooked to the point of RIP the food or the stuff she makes is still alive. She never cooked before and always relied on takeout and eating out. But now she wants to embrace being a wife and a
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 03
    "stepmom" and wants to cook. Three times already she made her and dad sick from her food. I (17M) didn't eat with them so I was spared and my brother (19M) and sister (20F) don't live at home anymore so they're spared. The closest I ever got to eating her food was smelling it and those times it even smelled bad and looked bad.
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 04
    I cook for myself or I grab snacks from the house. Dad cooks for him and Jen when he gets home from work.
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 05
    A few days ago Jen asked me if I'd teach her how to cook some basic meals so she can take over cooking for everyone. She said it would be a good experience for us and would help us do some parental bonding. I might have started being a j here because I rolled my eyes and told Jen
    via u/Seamealendor
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    there wouldn't be any parental bonding because she's not my parent and while we could be friends someday she needs to get the idea of being a parental figure out of her head. She told me I was still young and didn't have my mom anymore (she did 4 years ago) so I shouldn't dismiss the idea like that. But at the
    via u/Seamealendor
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    very least I could see where teaching her to cook would take us. She said she'd love if all three of us could help her out with that but my siblings don't ever answer her calls or texts so she was hoping I'd agree. She said she's seen what I can make and I'm a good cook.
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 08
    I had considered if she'd accepted the part about maybe being friends but not a parent thing. But she gave me the vibe that she wouldn't and then bringing up my siblings felt like a bit of a guilt trip so I said no. And I was glad because she tried to use the parent argument against me to make me teach her.
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 09
    By the time dad got home I'd locked myself in my room to do my homework. He asked me what happened and I told him. He just sighed and left my room. He didn't say anything to me after that. But Jen brought it up and said I should do it for dad's sake if I won't accept her. She said my siblings and I are putting him in a bad spot. I told her she is if she can't accept she won't be our parent. She told me I could help her learn to cook without that coming into it. I argued she brought that part int
    via u/Seamealendor
  • 10

    Commenters weighed in on whether the son's reaction was justified.

    RDDTLurker7 3h ago NTA. I learned to cook from YT shorts, Reddit, and online recipes. Lots of trial and error. It's 2025 and even my family who are on the older side know how to use the internet. She can grab her phone or computer to search for "how to cook".
    via u/RDDTLurker7
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    fhxueduedidiw • 3h ago Exactly! In this day and age with all our access to the internet if you're able bodied there's no excuse for not teaching yourself how to make at least a few simple things. Everything can be broken down into simple steps, even if you can't read you can watch a video.
    via u/fhxueduedidiw
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    DoubleDandelion 50m ago If she's 43, she's had internet access for about half her life and grew into maturity during the biggest technology boom mankind has ever seen. If she hasn't figured out Google yet, There's no hope for her.
    via u/DoubleDandelion
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    Cheezburger Image 10472856576
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    BurgerThyme • 2h ago Seriously. She can't manage a spaghetti dinner?
    via u/BurgerThyme
  • 15
    Seamealendor OP 52m ago • Nope. She has tried but it was way overcooked.
    via u/Seamealendor
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    fhxueduedidiw • 3h ago I don't understand people who say they can't cook. Can you read and follow a recipe? Or you can literally watch a YouTube video. It's just lazy.
    via u/fhxueduedidiw
  • 17
    MaryContrary26 • 3h ago. I think Jen needs a lot more than cooking lessons, she needs stepparent lessons and I wish my stepmother gave classes. She never imposed herself on us She tuned in to what we needed (not what we "should" need) and just gave without expecting anything in return. Never crossed
    via u/MaryContrary26
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    boundaries or tried to tell us how we should feel, never tried to pressure us into thinking of her as a parent. Put her own ego aside and she was just there for us when we needed her, as a friend. It was a thankless role for many years. But eventually we grew to love her like a parent. NTA
    via u/MaryContrary26
  • 19
    cinekat • 3h ago NTA and at least now you've got gifts sorted for every upcoming birthday and holiday. Cookbooks all the way, baby.
    via u/cinekat
  • 20
    fireflygal87 • 2h ago She wants the parental bonding. Problem is, getting a 17 year old to teach a 43 year old how to do basic adulting seems like there is a role reversal to me. At 17 it would be mildly confusing if you didnt know how to cook. At 43, it's downright embarrassing.
    via u/fireflygal87
  • 21
    TwinkleLitStar • 3h ago . NTA. Maybe instead of learning to cook, Jen should just stick to ordering takeout. Less chances of food poisoning that way.
    via u/TwinkleLitStar
  • 22
    Knittingfairy09113 • 3h ago NTA She doesn't want to accept her place in the lives of you and your siblings which is why you don't want to to spend more time with her.
    via u/Knittingfairy09113
  • 23
    AJent-of-Chaos • 3h ago NTA. Yt is a really good resource she can use without bothering or guilt-tripping someone who doesn't want a parental bond with her.
    via u/AJent-of-Chaos
  • 24
    katgyrl 3h ago NTA. wow, she's pretty pathetic if she can't cook a few good meals as a middle aged adult. she can get begginer's cooking books at the library or she can just google basic recipes. if children can do it so can she.
    via u/katgyrl
  • 25
    Friendly_Fall_ • 1h ago It is not a child's job to teach an unrelated middle aged adult basic life skills. She's been around for the entire life of the internet and YouTube.
    via u/Friendly_Fall_
  • 26
    Godiva_33 53m ago ESH. She is trying to force a parental relationship on you if she continues. But at this point, it has come up once, and it doesn't sound like she is pushing hard.
    via u/Godiva_33
  • 27
    You for deciding that it is such a large slight that bridges need to be burned. You said it yourself, you would have if she hadn't made the comment. Unfortunately, you have now staked a position that ties the two separate issues together. Enjoy the meal you have cooked.
    via u/Godiva_33

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childcare teens stepmother aita cooking kids teenagers blended family stepmom moms parenting dad cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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