Woman postpones wedding due to fiancé’s comments about her scars, internet urges her to cancel completely when she reveals incessant teasing throughout the relationship: “I thought he was flirting”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 28, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Have you ever heard of negging? It's when someone gives another person – usually a romantic interest – backhanded compliments as a form of manipulation. Insults disguised as flirting are meant to tear down the other person's confidence while simultaneously endearing them to their tormenter. An example would be a comment such as, "You're pretty cute for a red head." It could also take the form of constant one-upping and comparisons. Those who engage in negging also have a tendancy to downplay their mistreatment: "It was just a joke!"

In our story today, a woman realises she has likely been the target of negging from her boyfriend for years. The straw that broke the camel's back occured right before her wedding, leading her to postpone, but internet commenters were more interested in her husband-to-be's history of mean comments directed towards her neck scars – comments she previously took as flirtatious. To get the full story and read all the comments, scroll down below.

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  • 01

    AITAH deciding postpone wedding over comment my fiance made about my scar?

    "I'm marrying you, minus the scar"
    via IVASHstudio
  • 02
    I (female) have a visible scar on the side of my neck. It's been there for over 6 years and no one has ever commented on it or made any negative remarks about it.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 03
    However, my fiance would make comments about my scar and make it seem as flirting like for instance complaining he has kissed every part of my body, except my neck because of the scar, and how the
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 04
    scar "looked like a kid messed up such a great art (referring to my look). Etc etc. I told him I didn't appreciate it even if he was using the scar to be flirty with me but he insisted he loves me anyway.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10473805056
    via Anna Gorbacheva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Our wedding is approaching and I've been busy with the wedding planning and days ago, my fiance and I and inlaws were talking about the wedding and was talking about how we're going to finally be married.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h

  • It isn't honorable to love someone “despite” their physical flaws. You love them as a whole, including all of their physical attributes.

  • 07
    He laughed and said "I'm marrying you minus the scar" I was stunned when he said that especially infront of his family. I was do upset I got up and walked out of the room. We had a big fight and he kept saying I was being a drama queen and that He said "nothing wrong". He doubled down when I said
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 08
    I'd consider postponing the wedding because of his comment and he called me crazy. His mom said that I'm obviously " traumatized" by my scar to let it ruin my marriage with her son and suggested therapy. She told me that the scar was the issue not her son who loves as I am and chose me to be his wife.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10473805568
    via shisuka

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Idk, I really feel horrible right now I don't know if I said the right thing about postponing the wedding and wether I'm overreacting in this situation. My girl friends have previously said that my fiance shouldn't even be bringing up the scar like that.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353.15h
  • 11
    NTA NixKlappt-Reddit "I want to marry you, but my scar does not."
    via u/NixKlappt-Reddit
  • 12
    Get far far away from him and his mother. Your friends are spot on. NTA but you will be if you let him continue to disrespect you over and over again after you've already put your foot down.
    via u/CallistoFiore
  • 13
    lilacSkies78 lol this!! Such an underrated comment! Cracked me up!
    via u/lilacSkies78
  • 14
    Lokipupper456 Better yet. "My scar doesn't want to marry you, and it has convinced me that I don't want to either!"
    via u/Lokipupper456
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10473805312
    via HenrietteLohmanFotografie

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    AdExpensive1624 NTA. That's hurtful, disrespectful, and calling attention to something that is very much a part of you in a negative way.
    via u/AdExpensive1624
  • 17
    When you love someone, you do so not in spite of the things that make them unique, but BECAUSE of those things. I'd venture to say that scar has shaped how you feel about yourself, the world, relationships, etc. and contributed to the woman you are today.
    via u/AdExpensive1624
  • 18
    Upstairs_Garden2353 OP Thank you for your comment. True, I feel like he has let me down because he, of all people, shouldn't be commenting on my scar, but I thought he meant well but now? I feel like it's deliberate but for what purpose? I have no idea.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353
  • 19
    Chicken-nugg3t_18 I worry about the comments he will make towards you in the future. If you plan to have kids your body will drastically change. Is he going to shame and then gaslight you about that too?
    via u/Chicken-nugg3t_18
  • 20
    Callisto Fiore He's doing it to undermine your self esteem and confidence. You do not see your scar as an issue or a reason to be insecure, he is trying to change that. Do. Not. Let. Him.
    via u/CallistoFiore
  • 21
    Drakka15 Seriously, he's not just MENTIONING the scar, he's only saying negative things about it. Not a single neutral or positive statement.
    via u/Drakka15
  • 22
    jollebb This. If he loved her, it would be with the scar, too. Haven't been with someone like this, but once I found myself crushing like I had never done for anyone, one of the reasons was she had a..
    via u/jollebb
  • 23
    speech issue, making her prefer to type what she wanted to say instead sometimes. For some reason, this only made me crush on her even more.
    via u/jollebb
  • 24
    Cute-Profession 9983 He got his mom to gaslight you. I bet this isn't his move in your relationship.... only constant
    via u/Cute-Profession

  • The scar is a part of her; if he is actively rejecting it, it can also reject him! 

  • 25
    SuperCulture9114 Yep. It's called negging and is supposed to take her down a notch. If it's the only thing right now it won't be for long.
    via u/SuperCulture9114
  • 26
    punkinbunz The fact that they're making it sound like he's doing you a FAVOR by marrying you even though you have a scar is the HUGEST red flag. Who TF comments on someone's scars like that? For THIS LONG?!
    via u/punkinbunz
  • 27
    Proper-Effective8621 Yes! "You're damaged, but I still love you" is not love.
    via u/Proper-Effective8621
  • 28
    Upstairs_Garden2353 OP Tbh, I didn't see it this way at first but I guess the way he worded it, especially making those comments seem flirty has been driving me insane.
    via u/Upstairs_Garden2353
  • 29
    sharperview I don't see how you found your example "flirty" Look up Negging
    via u/sharperview
  • 30
    Based Orthodox Exactly. Negging is an insult with flirting as a cover, but that doesn't make it any less of an insult. OP, you are NTA, and I strongly recommend finding yourself someone new with a better attitude toward others.
    via u/Based_Orthodox
  • 31
    Lucky-Effective-1564 Why is he so OBSESSED with the scar? I would seriously think again about marrying this idiot.
    via u/Lucky-Effective-1564
  • 32
    IggyWH Because to him, it tarnishes the image of his trophy.
    via u/IggyWH
  • 33
    Historical_Shirt4352 omg yes she's not a person with scars she's his Barbie doll with a scratch on it
    via u/Historical_Shirt4352
  • 34
    lourdes-lom If he can't respect your boundaries before marriage, he definitely won't after. Trust your gut, OP- postponing is the right call.
    via u/lourdes-lom
  • 35
    icedcoffeealien This doesn't bode well for the future. What happens if you get stretch marks with kids? NTA.
    via u/icedcoffeealien

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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bride groom wedding drama reddit story relationships wedding mother in law love breakup reddit thread red flag Reddit family drama toxic Female Empowerment scars
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