‘Has my marriage been on the rocks without me knowing?’: Man starts to spiral after mother-in-law makes a snarky joke about him not being a good husband, he turns to wife for answers

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 2, 2025 10:00 PM EST

We all know that relationships with mothers-in-law are a complicated thing. At their core, MILs only want what is best for their kids, so it is only natural that their first instinct is to protect them. However, with the strong need to protect comes a lot (and I mean, a lot) of meddling. And meddling can lead to many unnecessary problems no one asked for.

Full disclosure – I tell my mom everything. She's my best friend, she is supporting, experienced, and wants the absolute best for me. So yes, she knows every single detail about my marriage. I'm not sure how my husband feels about that, but he doesn't really have any other choice.

If my mom and my husband started to talk about our marriage, I hope my husband will listen to every single word my mom has to say. Nothing is accidental or without meaning. She knows what she's doing, and if she is trying to help, I fully trust her, and I hope my husband does too. 

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  • That is why I imagine the husband in the story below is currently questioning everything about his relationship.

    When he asked his mother-in-law what she wants for her birthday, her response was – for you to be a better husband to my daughter. While she claims it was a joke, it seems like MIL knows something the husband doesn't, and he is now unsure what to do following this comment. You already know what I think about comments like these, so I hope he won't ignore it…

    Keep scrolling to read the full story!

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    Cheezburger Image 10474586368
    via KatarzynaBialasiewicz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "My [29M] MIL told me that for a birthday present she'd like me to be a better husband to my wife [26F]. Is this something I need to deal with?"

    My MIL was over at our place this weekend. Her and I woke up earlier on Sunday, while my wife was still asleep. As we were having tea, the topic of her
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    upcoming birthday came up. I asked what she'd like, she paused for a second and while smiling said "for you to be a better husband".
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. She was smiling so I thought it was a joke (we have a warm relationship) and I played along and said "Why,
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    you've been receiving a lot of complaints about me?" jokingly. She replied "I have my ways, I am your mother- in-law after all.", while still smiling. I was kind of
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    freaking out internally, came to the conclusion it was just her teasing and let the matter drop. But I've been rethinking that conversation over the
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    last 2 days. Admittedly, I may have been giving less time to my wife (partner of 3 years, married for 2) and my 1 year old daughter recently, because along
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    with my day job I've also been establishing my growing business. Some days are really long, but my wife has been supporting me the entire way.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    I haven't brought this up with my wife because maybe this was a joke and I don't want to create a whole thing out of a joke and ruin my relationship
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    with my MIL. But I've had a knot in my stomach since. Has my marriage been on the rocks without me knowing or is this something a MIL would joke about?
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    SWB1920 How much clearer could she be, buddy? You need to sit down and have a long, honest chat with your wife.
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    ThrowRa_wasitajoke OP This has totally come out of nowhere. We've been doing so well, we tell each other how much we love each other and the family we've created daily. I would've never thought we'd be in this place.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    Electrical-Heron-619 Can you just ask MIL with a serious tone what she meant as it's upset you?
    via Electrical-Heron-619
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    ThrowRa_wasitajoke OP Should I bring it up with my wife or MIL? If something is wrong in my marriage I feel like I need to deal with it asap.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    Various-East-5266 Okay look-stop spiraling and speak to your wife IMMEDIATELY. I'm 29, my husband is 29, if my mother said this to him, I would want to know as soon as possible.
    via Various-East-5266
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    If there are issues you're not aware of, time to air them out. If your MIL is causing drama or made a joke, those are different conversations you'll get to have once it's sorted. Communicate with your wife. Seriously!!!!!
    via Various-East-5266
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    ThrowRa_wasitajoke OP Thank you. I'm going to talk to her tonight. I should've talked to her last night and I planned to, but yesterday I got done early so we were just watching a movie together and we were
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    just happy and I didn't want to ruin it. I was afraid she's going to tell me she agrees with my MIL and I just decided to delay it. It's moronic in hindsight I know.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    henicorina You decided to start a new business that would take all of your time when you had a six month old baby, you acknowledge that you haven't
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    had any time for your kid for 50% of her life, and you're shocked that your wife might be less than delighted with that arrangement?
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    ThrowRa_wasitajoke OP My business is almost two years old. It wasn't a problem before because it was just meant to be supplemental income and I was very mindful of the hours. But it grew steadily and over the past
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    6 months the hours and workload really got away from me. We'd both been seeing this is a good thing, I'd talk to her about how it's expanding and unfortunately the hours are temporarily going to become bad and she always supported me.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    Cheezburger Image 10474595072
    via Prostock-Studio

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    loloannd I don't think this means your marriage is on the rocks, defcon 1-level doomed. But you mentioned you've been putting in long hours at two jobs and "your wife has been supporting you the
    via loloannd
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    entire way." But who has been supporting her? You have a young child at home who is at an age that requires constant attention and stimulation. This post is a TINY snapshot of your life, I don't know the big
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    picture, I don't know if your wife also works or stays home or how you divide labor. But it's clear your wife has been a partner to you while you've been working so much, in addition to caring for your child, but you are still a husband and you are still a father.
    via loloannd
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    This is a good opportunity for you to really evaluate the division of the home labor and childcare. Does your wife ever get time to herself? Not to do more chores, or basic things like take a shower, but read a book? Eat a meal uninterrupted? Go to yoga? Meet with friends? Sleep all the way through the night?
    via loloannd
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    You said you frequently talk about how much you love each other and the family you've created, but have you specifically thanked your wife for taking on what sounds like the majority of the childcare and home care while you work?
    via loloannd
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    I don't think your MIL was wrong to call you out, and I think she did it in a fairly gentle way. But you can use this as a chance to see how well you're providing for your family, not just financially, but physically and emotionally.
    via loloannd
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    ThrowRa_wasitajoke OP I've definitely been around less the past 6 months I would say. Due to my business I've had to meet clients late afternoons/evenings or work from home. But we've talked about this every step of the way.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    It's been brought up, but we always resolve it knowing that it's taking a lot of my time just because it's expanding right now, but the hours will become better soon. Whenever I'm home I help out with my
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    home I help out with my daughter, on Sundays I always make sure I give her a relaxing day all to herself, but you're right it doesn't come out to 50- 50. But again, my wife has always said she supports me and understands why this is happening which is why this has alarmed me.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke
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    I'm going to talk to her and tell her how much I appreciate all she's been doing. And I'm prepared to her her out if I've been neglectful.
    via ThrowRa_wasitajoke

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