‘It feels like my dad punished us for being responsible’: Father’s blatant favoritism results in over $580,000 in gifts and loans to siblings, excluding one sister who struggles financially

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 6, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Every family needs someone to overlook, and that honor often goes to the person whose biggest mistake was being too responsible. While the flashy siblings create chaos, rack up questionable decisions, and swoop in for a bailout, the so-called boring one quietly handles their own business. Everyone nods approvingly at their stability but somehow forgets that stability doesn't pay the bills—or buy a new house or fund a Greek vacation and a new car.

Parents like to spin it as helping those who need it most, but let's call it what it really is: favoritism disguised as charity. The sibling who's always teetering on the edge of a self-made disaster gets bailed out with a smile. The one whose impulse control rivals that of a toddler in a candy store ends up gifted a house. And the responsible one gets… moral high ground, which, last time anyone checked, can't be traded for plane tickets or hot tubs.

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  • This is exactly what happened to the person at the center of today’s story, who had to sit back and watch their dad shower their siblings with life-altering financial gifts after their mother passed away. The brother walked away with a secret loan, renovation funds, and three years of rent payments—all while calling himself a martyr. The sister snagged the childhood home.

     Meanwhile, the responsible sibling, despite facing financial hardships, got left out, all because they didn’t whine loudly enough to get noticed. 

  • "AITAH for being upset that my Dad showed financial favoritism?"

    "I know my best way forward is to forgive and forget but it is incredibly hard to do"
    via Wavebreakmedia

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My mom did a few years ago and within days of her death my brother had my dad shopping for homes for them to split. He has since said he's a martyr that was
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • looking out for my lonely dad and we should be grateful he was willing to take him in. Anywhoo, this led to them moving in together. My dad paid my brother $70,000 for renovations,
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • let him borrow $140000 for a downpayment(that was kept secret until years later), and has now paid close to $70000 in rent over 3.5 years even though he ended up dating someone and moved out almost immediately.
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • It's a "back-up" residence for him now. Because of this, he gifted my little sister our childhood home(roughly $300000 gift) which is nicer than the one we've
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • been paying on for 20 years and she instantly already has more equity than we do. My husband has a good job and we have been frugal and saved but have been recently hit with financial
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Cheezburger Image 10474846720
    via AndreyPopov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • hardships because his salary keeps getting docked in order to keep his struggling practice open. It feels like my dad punished us for being responsible and rewarded my brother and sister
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • who have made less than stellar choices in life. I know my best way forward is to forgive and forget but it is incredibly hard to do because we all live in the same town and there are
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • constant reminders of what my siblings are now able to do for their families because of these life-altering monetary gifts in their 40s that my family didn't receive, like multiple trips to Greece, new cars, hot tubs, etc etc. AITAH?
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Standard-Jaguar-8793 I can see that you feel badly for being excluded. It's horrible when your parent plays favorites. You should seek counseling to help you deal with your disappointment and anger. It will help. I'm very sympathetic.
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • mid40smomof3 Your NTA for feeling this way, but it's your dad's money to do what he sees fit with. Do you think your dad thought you were in better financial shape and maybe didn't need the money (I would have still gifted all my children equally)? Do you have a relationship where you can your dad could have a peaceful talk aobut it?
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Tell him that you know your brother and sister have received some inheritance/financial gifts and right now being able to have some would be a help to your family. Have you received ANYTHING?
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • furandpaws my grandma did this with her 5. because my dad did well for himself, i, the oldest granddaughter, got nothing. i didn't need it, but why did my cousin get BOTH diamond rings?
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • i totally get the feelings of 'why did you leave me out' ? because i was raised to be financially responsible i got 'punished' ? it's not fair, but it's the way some people think and it's not
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • something i can change. it didn't change my relationship with that side of the family but i'll never forget and i definitely have feelings that my grandma didn't like me as much because of it.
    via Due-Sun-3216

  • They got HOW MUCH?

    Cheezburger Image 10474857216
    via motortion

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • kitkat308 I don't think it's about the money for OP. That's also why it's more difficult to let go of.
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Significant_Taro_690 NTA. It is disappointing to be punished because you are more responsible than the others and instead of let them work for their things they get it the easy way. Lesson: why working for something if you get it anyways. You are just ,,stupid" to work for it.
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • I can see it in my husbands family. One child gets everything and always support because,,poor boy, he has burned all the money he got, even with the better education and work chances so he needs our support due to his problems he has
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • just because he made a lot bad decicions. Other child and partner are working, had some extra education so they got better jobs and when they are struggeling because of bs they have to
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • pay full for all since they are so responsible they get no help.,,Oh you will find a solution, I am sure, blablabla..." thanks for nothing. Just dont cry if you do not see them as often as before and when they are not able to help again, but hey, they will for sure figure it out with golden child..
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Dont count on people like them but dont make to much effort to be in their life. They choose and thats it. Their money, their decicion and their life with their consequences.
    via Due-Sun-3216
  • Honestly. Go no contact for a while to pursue therapy. No fights, bickering, etc. Just go silent
    via Due-Sun-3216

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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