Pregnant woman refuses to let mother-in-law pick her own grandma name, claims it's 'inappropriate and strange': 'She is no longer speaking to us'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 9, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

As the women in my family get older, a big topic of conversation among them is what they want their grandma name to be. Most of them feel like they're too young for the traditional monikers of "grandma" or "nanny" or even worse, "granny." They want to get inventive with their names, coming up with new ones that perhaps haven't been used before. I'm all for it. Because, at the end of the day, it's not a big deal. It's also possible that the kid comes along and says some syllables that end up becoming what they call them. It's not necessarily always up to you.

A big part of learning to deal with family is choosing your battles. Heaven knows there will be a time when you really want to lay down your argument, so you have to swallow your pride in the small stuff. Keeping the peace is an underrated thing to do.

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    Cheezburger Image 10476895488
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Some of us have molehills turned mountains, though, that are hard to understand from the outside. Something that strikes a nerve and puts them in activation mode, whether or not we understand it. That's what happened in this story when a pregnant mother got defensive over a potential grandma name. Read on for the details and see what you think.

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    AITA for not allowing MIL total choice on her grandparent name?

    We are having a baby soon and my MIL wants to be known by a foreign grandparent name instead of a British option. Our family is British on both sides and we feel that it is inappropriate and strange to choose a name from another culture when she/we have no connection to that culture. We aren't dictating a name
    via u/AnxietyThis8869
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    that she must have, just saying that we want her to have a traditional name from our background i.e. nan/nana/nanny/gran/granny/grandm a etc. She has really fallen out with us over this to the point that she is no longer speaking to us. All of our friends who we've spoken to are on our side, but they may be biased, so AITA for holding this boundary? Should MIL get final say in her grandmother name, regardless of our thoughts?
    via u/AnxietyThis8869
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    ETA The name doesn't mean anything to her, she just doesn't like the traditional options.
    via u/AnxietyThis8869
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    I feel strongly about it as my grandmother insisted on being called Oma which I was so embarrassed about at school when all my friends had "nan" and there was no reason for mine to be Oma. As an adult it doesnt feel like a huge deal but I do remember those feelings and don't love the thought of my children experiencing the same. My partner feels that Nonnita sounds too close to "nonce" although I'm not sure I agree with his train of thought.
    via u/AnxietyThis8869
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    Commenters wondered why this was the issue she chose to make big.

    Dittoh... 3h ago Edited 3h ago. • • I-n-f-o- why is this a hill to di on for all of you? Does the name mean something special to her? Why are you so offended at her choice?
    via u/Dittoheadforever
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    Okay, I read the edit. Sounds like you're being ridiculous rigid. YTA. Pregnancy and first time parenting is hard enough without inventing conflict with the family over something so small. If your kid doesn't like the name, he/she will change it and Nonnina will adapt.
    via u/Dittoheadforever
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    Neither Tourist9360 3h ago . The first grandchild will name your mother. It really doesn't matter what either of you choose.
    via u/NeitherTourist9360
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    • FairyCompetent 3h ago YTA. Call people what they ask to be called. It's literally a non- issue, why are you being so rigid about this? Do you already have a problem with her and this is a manifestation of that problem? Grandparents end up getting called all kinds of things, the
    via u/FairyCompetent
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    only thing that matters is that they love your child and are respectful of your rules for your child. Can't imagine having a whole baby to worry about and choosing to get stroppy about "Granny" vs "Nonna".
    via u/FairyCompetent
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    い
    via Unsplash + (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    bookishmama_76 • 3h ago My husband & I have non traditional grandparents names (Mimzy & Geeze) so I may be biased but I think grandparents or the grandkids themselves (I couldn't say great grandma/grandpa when I was little so I called my ggparents Gommers & Gompers) should pick the name. My mom wanted Meemah and I still don't like it. My kids are 23 & 25 I don't think I would have picked this hill to di on
    via u/bookishmama_76
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    atealein ⚫ . 3h ago Honestly, YTA. The child wouldn't care and it will be the name she will be addressed by it, not you. It should be something she likes to hear, whatever it is. My own grandmother was known as Noni (from the italian nonna) even though we are slavic-
    via u/atealein
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    speaking country with different language and totally different words for grandmother (baba). In fact, she was known by Noni for so long, that all her friends were also calling her that, not just her grandchildren and she loved it.
    via u/atealein
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    You are being controlling over something that should not be under your control. Why do you care so much that she is called something culturally- appropriate for your background? What are you afraid of?
    via u/atealein
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    No_Dependent_8346 • 3h ago YTA, as a Pop Pop married to a Bubby, you are so wrong you've come out the other side to categorically ignorant. You are willing to offend and permanently injure your relationship because you tight- a can't "suffer" with a grandparent wanting a non- traditional moniker? Sounds like YOU need to address your obvious racism and Anglocentric attitude.
    via u/No_Dependent_8346
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    au5000 3h ago Don't make a big thing out of this. Lots of grandparents are called random names. Does it really matter as long as they love the kids ??
    via u/au5000
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    StormyLlewellyn1 • 3h ago YTA. Who cares where the name comes from? That's such a strange thing to be hung up on. This is something she will be called by your child. Why shouldn't it be something she likes? People use Mimi, and Honey and Nonny etc. Let her have a name she's comfortable with. How does it hurt you.
    via u/StormyLlewellyn1
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    Ok-Position7403 3h ago YTA. Why make such a big thing of this? Don't we all commonly accept that you call people what they want to be called? A lot of people don't like these choices nan/nana/nanny/gran/granny/gra ndma. Those titles sound OLD to them. It may be true that
    via u/Ok-Position7403
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    they, themselves, ARE old, but it's jarring to them to be referred to that way. What good does it do to insist on those choices? Who is hurt by her being Abuela or something, instead? You sound very rigid and uptight.
    via u/Ok-Position7403
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    Fleeing FromIdiocy . 3h ago Hey OP, I live in Canada and, growing up, I heard the gamut of names for grandparents. Some kids, having recently arrived, used a lot of their words and we were more curious and interested than judgy. You might have been embarrassed about calling your grandma Oma, but at least one
    via u/FleeingFromIdiocy
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    kid around you was thinking "awww, no fair. He gets an Oma and I'm stuck with a plain ol' Nan." Little kids adapt and learn. You're sooooo blessed in two ways. 1. My one grandmother hated me and really made no secret about it where your Oma sounds like she loved you. And
    via u/FleeingFromIdiocy
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    2. I lost the good grandma to Alzheimer's when I was around 7 where your son will hopefully have a loving person for a long time, no matter what he calls her. Doesn't have to be ethnic either. I don't ever think I'll be a traditional "grandma' because I'm extremely sarcastic and I
    via u/FleeingFromIdiocy
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    don't suit that name. My 16 year old son (eager to have kids) and my older NB child (working on career first) and I have settled on Emoma. It suits me and I like the sound. Cut your Oma and your MIL some slack and be appreciative of their love. Leave out your notions of what kids are capable of. Good luck and Godspeed
    via u/FleeingFromIdiocy
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    WestCovina1234 3h ago • YTA. You can feel it's inappropriate and strange all you like, but, just a you get to pick your child's name, she gets to pick what she's called. If it's something racist, clearly that's a different story, but that's not what you've presented. With everything that goes along with becoming parents, this seems like a weird and super- controlling place to plant your flag.
    via u/WestCovina1234

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funny names long term relationship aita baby pregnancy pregnancy announcement kids relationship-drama grandma relationships couples names mother in law pregnant Reddit naming nicknames grandmother name children
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