25-year-old daughter cuts off her critical mother after ‘lifelong’ feud and comparisons to her ‘golden child’ older brother: ‘She had her chance to be a mom, and she blew it’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 14, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Growing up with a ghost in your ear telling you you're not good enough is a human right of passage. We are all plagued with some level of doubt about ourselves, and it's our parents' jobs to dispel those negative thoughts and feelings before we nurture them further. Many unlucky children, however, are raised in families who refuse to dispel those feelings and instead perpetuate them. Years later, those same children become adults and realize the error of their parents' ways and either choose to forgive or resign themselves to a life of no contact with their trauma-inducing parents. There's absolutely nothing wrong with looking out for oneself if the alternative is worse—life is often sink or swim.

That's what the now-25-year-old daughter decides to do in this next story. Her mother had always compared her to everyone else, including her older "golden child" brother, and has had years to reconcile with the fact that she doesn't forgive her mother for subjecting her to this harmful narrative. Her mother is not happy but still can't muster up a genuine apology. Scroll to read.

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  • The daughter had a suspicious feeling that her mother has always resented her to some degree, and she explains that her mother never failed to remind her that she was a “colicky” baby. A part of pregnancy is knowing the side effects and the risks and continuing to carry the child anyway… there's no reason to remind a child, who was not sentient at the time, that they caused you pain. Don't you agree? This treatment only got worse as she grew older…

  • "She had years to be a decent parent, and she chose not to."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITAH for Cutting Off My Mom After a Lifelong Feud?"

    Hey, Reddit. I need some outside perspective on this because I'm starting to wonder if I'm the one in the wrong here. Buckle up, because this is a long and messy story.
    via Dddanica6
  • Ever since I was born, my mom and I have had a strained relationship. I know that sounds dramatic, but hear me out. From the moment I came into this world, it felt like she resented me.
    via Dddanica6
  • My older brother was always the golden child-good grades, athletic, charismatic-while I was the "difficult" one. I was a colicky baby, and my mom never let me
    via Dddanica6
  • forget it. She'd tell stories about how I cried nonstop and kept her up all night, like it was my fault I was a baby who didn't know how to communicate.
    via Dddanica6
  • As I grew up, the tension only got worse. She criticized everything I did-my clothes, my friends, my hobbies. I liked art and reading; she said I was wasting my time and should be more like my
    via Dddanica
  • brother, who played sports. When I struggled in school, she called me lazy instead of helping me figure out if I had a learning. disability (turns out, I have ADHD,
    via Dddanica
  • which I wasn't diagnosed with until adulthood). She'd compare me to other kids constantly, and it made me feel like I was never good enough.
    via Dddanica6
  • The breaking point came when I was 16. I came out and she completely flipped out. She said it was "just a phase" and that I was doing it for attention.
    via Dddanica6
  • She even told me not to tell anyone in the family because it would "embarrass her." That was the moment I realized I could never have a real relationship with her. I started distancing myself emotionally, and as soon as I turned 18, I moved out and never looked back.
    via Dddanica6
  • Fast forward to now-I'm 25, living on my own, and thriving. I've built a life I'm proud of, surrounded by people who actually support me. But my mom
    via Dddanica6
  • keeps trying to reach out. She'll text me things like, "I miss you," or "Why don't you ever call me?" and it makes me so angry. She had years to be a decent parent, and she chose not to. Why should I give her a chance now?
    via Dddanica6
  • Cheezburger Image 10479463168
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Here's where I might be the AH: Last week, she sent me a long email saying she's "sorry for whatever I think she did wrong" and that she wants to "start over."
    via Dddanica6
  • I replied with a brutally honest message, telling her that I don't forgive her and that I don't want her in my life. I said she had her chance to be a mom, and she blew it. My brother called me later, saying I was too harsh and that I should give her a chance because "she's family."
    via Dddanica6
  • So, AITAH for cutting off my mom and refusing to reconcile? Part of me feels like I'm justified, but another part wonders if I'm being too cruel. What do you think?
    via Dddanica6
  • mysterious_nomad NTA. Just as you said, your mother had all the time in the world to be a good mom to you and she chose to treat you like cr p. The only reason she's reaching back out is because she either a. feels guilty or b. your brother or someone else you're connected to in your family clued her in on how well you're doing in life. You are a thousand percent
    via mysterious_nomad
  • justified in cutting her off. The fact that your life has improved greatly since moving out, goes to show that she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life. The only reason your brother thinks you're being to harsh is because HE WAS TREATED DIFFERENTLY! If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't ever respond back to your mother. And I would either hold
    via mysterious_nomad
  • very strong boundaries with your brother in regards to him not sharing any of your personal business with your mom OR stop sharing your personal life with him in general and just keep the relationship surface level, because she is likely getting Intel from him.
    via mysterious_nomad
  • Salty_Reputation_163 Whatever YOU THINK she 'did' Honey, that's a classic narcissistic comment. She's probably reaching out to s k you back in so she can tear you down again. Narcs never change. Screw her. Keep her and the Golden BRAT out of your life.
    via Salty_Reputation_163
  • Lady_of_the_Lights I've done similar, OP. It's HARD and it doesn't sound like you've come to the decision lightly. It's important to remember that parents aren't owed your life just because they created it.
    via Lady_of_the_Lights
  • You're an adult, and you deserve to be surrounded by people that care for you, support you, and build you up. It doesn't sound like your mother is capable or willing to do that, and that is NOT on you.
    via Lady_of_the_Lights
  • Honestly, it sounds like a Golden Child/Scapegoat type situation and if you want to understand it better, there's a great resource here. I wish you the best of luck thriving, and if that means without your mom... Well, she had literal years to make an effort.
    via Lady_of_the_Lights

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Tags

family drama aita entitled parents AITAH reddit story family feud parenting entitled people karma entitled family reddit thread Reddit golden child Parenting Fail entitled people Parenting FAILS
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