35-year-old demands open relationship from wife he has been with since 15, flips out when she insists they make a video voicing their mutual consent: 'I relented just to get it over with'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 16, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Ethical non-monogamy has been a hot-button topic surrounding romantic partnerships for a few years now. An increasing number of people are becoming interested in opening up their relationships, but it is a move that takes a lot of planning, communication, and most importantly, mutual consent. 

While there are plenty of polyamorous individuals who feel like the lifestyle is right for them, they are not necessarily the majority. Most of the time, it is not enough to simply argue that it is better than cheating on somebody. Both halves of a couple need to be enthusiastic to open up their relationship and have a contingency plan if things don't work out.

Needless to say, these are things that many people ignore when it comes to exploring non-monogamy with their partner. It means that it is an experiment that often goes wrong, and at its worst, it can jeopardize a long-term relationship.

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    via JD Mason

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself grappling with this issue after her husband asked her to open up their 10-year-long marriage. Although she had been reluctant to do this, his persistent requests over the course of a year led her to finally agree with him. 

    Her one stipulation was that they make a video together confirming they both consented to the arrangement, so neither could be accused of cheating. He got upset at this, and she wasn't sure if she had done something wrong.

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    Cheezburger Image 10480184576
    via JD Mason

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03

    AITAH For Demanding That My Husband And I Go On Video Consenting To An Opening Relationship Before Allowing One?

    I've been debating about actually posting this for a while but since I don't feel comfortable about discussing this with family or friends I thought I'd come here anonymously. I (35f) have been with my husband (35m) since we were 15 in high school and married him at 25 after our first child was born. We are each other's only partner for everything and I thought we were good until my husband told me that we weren't.
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    It all started when our first child 10f was born and the dynamics of our relationship went through a shift. I admit that it was a bit of a challenge but I thought we were doing okay until I got pregnant a second time and we had our twins 6m and 6m. It was rough and between child rearing, both working, taking care of the home, and struggling to save for a bigger place I honestly started to wonder if we'd make it. We went to counseling and once all kids were in school I felt like my husband and I
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  • 05
    We moved into our house, we got a handle on our student loans, got help with child care, received respective employment advances and were able to make monthly date nights for each other where we could just focus on us. It wasn't perfect but I truly believed that we were good. Then one day my husband approached me about wanting to bring more excitement into the relationship. At first I thought he just wanted to spice things up, which I was down for, and we did but then he started to drop little h
    via Normal_Ad_3542
  • 06
    I was shocked, confused, hurt, and the thought of cheating entered my mind. He assured me that it wasn't and sent me articles and videos about "ethical non monogamy" but I wasn't initially open to it. Unfortunately, my husband didn't stop and kept pestering me about it to the point where it would ruin our date nights and after a year I relented just to get it over with, but insisted on some ground rules. One of them being that I wanted us both to side down together and record ourselves consentin
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  • 07
    When my husband asked why I showed him a post about a woman who was in an open relationship with her husband, and one day while she was out with her boyfriend a relative of the husband's saw, took pictures and then confronted the wife with the entire family. They accused her of cheating and her husband just let her take the fall. I don't ever want to be in that position but my husband dismissed it saying that what happened to her won't happen to us and that no one else needs to be in our relatio
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    Outside observers warned her that things may take a turn for the worse.

    jrm1102 Im more concerned that you seem to not actually want an open relationship.
    via jrm1102
  • 09
    Lurkeyturkey113 This. It's not an open relationship if you have to coerce your partner into accepting it. How vile to actually think you have permission to sleep around when you emotionally beat your spouse into submission.
    via Lurkeyturkey113
  • 10
    Thin-Policy8127 Seriously. Why stay if he's that inconsiderate already? It's only going to get worse when he actually gets what he wants.
    via Thin-Policy8127
  • 11
    dongp rn My husband thinks I'm being paranoid, unreasonable, selfish, unfair and unwilling to compromise. No he is being unreasonable, selfish and unfair. It's a reasonable precaution and one you should do but honestly with his attitude this is all going to blow up on you somehow no matter what precautions you take. NTA
    via dongprn
  • 12
    booksycat He nagged her for A YEAR for this and now won't do the one thing she's asking for to protect herself. If I were betting on this marriage... I wouldn't.
    via booksycat
  • 13
    NobodybutmyshadowRed NTA. Your husband certainly is YTA. He's been damaging your date nights to pressure you into doing something you apparently don't really want to do, and I think that prevents you from improving your marriage as it is. He did do a good job of projecting a description of himself onto you: "paranoid, unreasonable, selfish, unfair and unwilling to compromise." Think very carefully about how you will feel if he does find other partners. The second reason that he is YTA is that he
    via NobodybutmyshadowRed
  • 14
    Which leads to the third reason he is YTA - apparently, to judge by the stories that we read here, husbands who want a open marriage often mean only for themselves. Apparently they think that they will be surrounded by eager beauties, and their wife won't attract anyone, or won't want to. Suddenly, when they see that they were totally wrong, they want to close the marriage again, especially if their wife has been more successful at finding alternate partners. Good luck to you!
    via NobodybutmyshadowRed
  • 15
    Ambitious-Effect6429 If he's bringing up opening up the relationship, chances are good that he already opened it up without your knowledge. In the unlikely event that he hasn't, he has someone already lined up, at a minimum. NTA and start getting those ducks in line so you aren't blindsided.
    via Ambitious-Effect6429
  • 16
    adnyp How about including a post-nup along with the video? This should state that if either partner is found to have cheated, emotionally or physically, before the opening of the marriage that the lions share of possessions goes to the betrayed spouse. If he's so squeaky clean then no problem doing both.
    via adnyp
  • 17
    FloraShadee Your husband's dismissal of your concerns and his insistence that "no one else needs to be in our relationship" is concerning. It shows a lack of empathy and a disregard for your feelings. You are not being paranoid; you're being cautious and protecting yourself. If he's unwilling to provide you with that basic level of security, he's the one who's not compromising.
    via FloraShadee
  • 18
    Ok-Region-8207 As someone who is poly my advice is don't do it this isn't a decision you have naturally come to his pestered you into it and I've seen this happen to other couples where one has pushed it more than the other, one or both of you will catch hurt feelings the first time you realise the other is in a relationship and believe it or not the one who pushes it is usually the one who has the the first breakdown over it, see in their head they're just thinking of what it means for them and
    via Ok-Region-8207
  • 19
    papagena02 Ppl please upvote this. I'm also ENM and absolutely agree. Non- monogamy takes emotional work and time. Monogamous couples with no experience often way underestimate the pitfalls. I've seen relationships implode. Get a couples therapist.
    via papagena02
  • 20
    f cksiclepizza NTA he wants to be able to point the finger when it all goes up.
    via fcksicklepizza
  • 21
    ProbablyNotAGayBot This sh only has a chance to work if both are on board, 100% honest and willing to consent to rules both agreed to beforehand. The fact hes already so hard to work with when asking for this small gesture (which both of you would benefit from) doesn't make me hopeful for what's to come. Chances are, in a couple months time, he'll be one of the 100 idiots crying on Reddit about their wives audacity to go on two Dates in a row when they hoped she'd stay at home while they're havi
    via ProbablyNotAGayBot
  • 22
    RosieEngineer SO MANY LOL. My wife is never home anymore. She keeps getting flowers delivered. I miss spending time with her. I'm not getting dates anymore but she's never home. All the women I meet want marriage, they don't want FWB. I had no idea how many other men would think my wife is hot. There's also: I met a man who's so much better than my husband, so glad he suggested this. I'm having him served with papers tomorrow. It really worked out well, I got to learn how to date again before ha
    via RosieEngineer
  • 23
    Head Photograph9572 Lady, if he wants to open the relationship, it's OVER. Don't stay for the kids' sake, they don't need to keep being raised in an unhappy marriage, it'll scar them for life. Good luck
    via Head_Photograph9572
  • 24
    MsPooka I hate to break it to you, but you're relationship didn't "make it" if you're having to resort to an open relationship in order to keep your husband. I honestly have no advice for you except to get your finances on order because your relationship won't survive this. Getting him to admit on video that he's the one demanding the open relationship might be helpful to you down the line.
    via MsPooka

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