Woman refuses to pay for in-laws to come on vacation with her and her husband, sparking argument about finances that lead to the police getting involved

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 19, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Relationships are like a box of chocolates – you never know what you're going to get. When a fight between spouses breaks out, it could unravel a lot more than you realize. The argument starts over buying the wrong kind of lettuce again, and suddenly you're accusing them of not loving you or your mother's cooking. There's a lot more going on in a fight than what's on the surface. If you're fighting about them being forgetful when at the grocery store, it's not just about the grocery store. It could be about years of feeling like they're unreliable, like they aren't fully there for you, and it could unpack a lot more than you realize at the time. 

In the story below, it centers around a married couple who have a lot bubbling up on the surface, but deep down there are even more issues to be dealt with. The couple has a myriad of issues to deal with. It isn't only about their unfair financial agreement, nor is it about him prioritizing his ex-wife to her. It isn't just that he shut down the second they try to have an argument, or that he expects her to cook and clean for him even when she's extremely sick, all of these things congeal to form the imperfect storm of their relationship.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to pay for my in laws to come on vacation with me.

    "He got angry and accused me of calling him financially reckless"
    via WhitneyLewisPhotography from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I have been with my partner for four years. He has two kids with his ex wife. I have no kids and don't plan to. Our household income is ok, he earns the majority of it. He earns 65% of the total income.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 03
    The last four years, he has insisted that we pay 50/50 into household bills despite the fact he earns far more than what I earn AND his kids stay with us regularly. I pay. half the rent, bills and grocery which is expensive for someone on my salary.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 04
    He wants to buy a house near his ex wife so he can be closer to his kids so he says it's important that I pick up 50% of the costs now so that allows HIM to save more of HIS money for "our" future. The money he isn't paying into bills goes straight into his own savings account, not a joint one. He does
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 05
    not really acknowledge he has underpaid the bills the last four years. I've calculated he's underpaid between £16k to 19k. When he first moved in (without his kids) I picked up all the bills. I paid out over £8000 in rent and bills. He paid around £1100 towards food
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 06
    Not long ago, he asked if I wanted to go away for the following weekend, I said sure and we talked about where we could go. He then went to visit his parents and later that evening he messaged me an air B&B link for a lodge by the beach to visit that weekend. He asked if his family
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909

  • This guy sounds like a real gentleman, am I right? Not only does he have unreasonable financial expectations for her, but he also isn't even capable of having a sound conversation with her in any way. She opens her mouth and he just blows up, it's the first sign that someone isn't mature for a relationship, and that your feelings don't really matter to them. 

  • 07
    could come and he said he'd pay more than 50% if I agreed to them coming. I don't have any family, plus his mum and dad have beat cancer recently I said yes to his folks and grown up brother coming and booked and paid for the AirB&B.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 08
    A few days ago, he wanted to settle the vacation bill and has offered to pay 60% of the total. I've kicked off stating the obvious - there were 7 people in that lodge and 6 of them were his family. My portion of that bill is 15%. Am I wrong?
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10481118976
    via filadendron from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Update... After the original post, I confronted him again about our finances. Instead of having a conversation, he got angry and accused me of calling him financially ab ive - which I hadn't. Once he calmed down, he said he was going to move his kids back to their grandmother's
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 11
    house, which felt like an attempt to guilt-trip me into silence. And for a while, it worked. I backed down because I could see he wasn't willing to listen but willing to uproot his kids. He was convinced he wasn't earning that much more than me because he pays child support but the truth was even with child support taken off, he was still the higher earner at a 60/40 split.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 12
    A few weeks ago, I became quite ill, and despite that, he still expected me to cook and clean for him. He justified it by saying that since he earns more than me, I should be handling the household work. That was the final straw it resurfaced all my - old feelings, and I reached out to the police for advice, explaining
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10481117696
    via Willemert from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    what had been going on. Unfortunately, instead of handling it discreetly, they showed up at my home and arrested him. The police later admitted they were wrong for escalating the situation, but he took it as an admission that I was in the wrong for going to them in the first place.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 15
    After he was released, he came home, packed his bags, and told me he could never build a future with someone as warped as me. According to him, going to the police over what he considered a non-issue showed that I had problems and should be in therapy for painting nice guys like him as villains.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 16
    And then he brought up THIS POST. I didn't know he knew about it. He's read everything, including all the comments critical of him and dismissed them as groupthink before sneering at my original post which he says was loaded. That's when it truly hit me: He knew exactly how I felt, he understood my concerns, and still
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 17
    chose to continue benefiting from an unfair financial situation that he insisted on keeping in place. I couldn't blame this mess on miscommunication. He knew. He knew all along.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 18
    Now, my ex is in the process of moving out. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can finally breathe and be honest with people around me. The support I've had has been overwhelming, I have so much gratitude. You guys were right, he was just using me while he saved his own money. He was never intending on letting
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 19
    me be part of his future, he was only interested in me subsidising his life while it lasted.
    via u/Just_Thinking-9909
  • 20
    coygobbler • 10h ago Genuinely asking, but what do you even get out of this relationship?
    via u/coygobbler
  • 21
    celticmusebooks • 10h ago Where do you live that the police came because your BF wanted you to cook when you were sick?
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 22
    yohanna3777170 • 10h ago Dodged a bullet there. Rubbish took itself out.
    via u/yohanna3777170
  • 23
    Sweet-Interview5... • 10h ago NTA at least your shot of him now. What I want to know is why you went to the police and what you thought they could do. You were the one staying with him knowing he was finacially taking advantage of you and manipulating you. Unless he
    via u/Sweet-Interview5620
  • 24
    threatened you or had taken your money and refused you access to your bank accounts what did you think they could do? Im honestly wondering if this is an Al post and that's why it doesn't make sense why it jumped from you staying quiet to keep the police to suddenly having
    via u/Sweet-Interview5620
  • 25
    him arrested. After all what would the police even charge him with to arrest him. You were willingly giving him the money he wasn't just taking it.
    via u/Sweet-Interview5620

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