Golden child insists that her sister pitch $1000 to their dad's 70th birthday party at the last minute, gets pouty when she's stuck with the bill: 'We feel blindsided and ambushed'

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  • "AITA for refusing to finance my dad's 70th birthday?"

    My dad is turning 70 in December this year and it's almost April now. My sister and mum have made all arrangements without asking for my input/opinion, etc. 2 days after we returned from my husbands 40th
  • birthday holiday overseas, my sister requested $500-$1000 to contribute. Side note: none of my family sent so much as a message to him with birthday wishes. I politely advised it wasn't in our finances as we have many big milestones this year. My
  • sister went silent, and I eventually asked if she was still there. She slowly said she was and that she was 'biting her tongue' so as not to start an argument with me. I then cheerily said 'ok, goodnight' and hung up... AITA? Thank you for your perspective, dear internet
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  • MisaOEB NTA for saying no. Believe me, having organised loads of "special aged" birthdays, you come up with ideas and ask for feedback and budget limited before coming to final decisions etc. So how they have been doing it is not good and you're entitled to your no.
  • However, it's not clear if you were aware of the plans before the request for money. Because if you were, you should have given feedback in advance say this sounds expensive, I might not have the cash etc.
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  • Also, are you willing to contribute anything? You don't have to, you can always not get him something or get him something outside of what the others want to do. But how you ended the call may cause hurt.
  • WorldlyHumor6342 OP We will be treating dad to a thoughtful gift no matter what. We were made aware of the party plans and decisions in the sentence before my mum and sister asked for money. We just feel blindsided and ambushed by my sister and mum. My dad is not the type for a big shindig like this, he would be happy with sharing a meal at the pub with his nearest and dearest. Yes, ending the call like that may cause hurt but guilt-tripping us also stings. In time, we will talk about it kindly
  • OkStrength5245 NTA may i make the hypothesis your sister is the golden child? WorldlyHumor6342 OP You certainly may. She is also the insecure gatekeeper
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  • Younggod9 NTA They made all the decisions without you so they can cover the costs without you. It's not your job to fund something you had no say in especially when they couldn't even acknowledge your husband's birthday. Their poor planning isn't your emergency
  • JustAnotherOlive NTA. They didn't bother to wish your husband a happy birthday, they didn't involve you in the planning of your dad's birthday, they assumed they could demand money.. and then got salty when
  • you politely explained your finances didn't allow it? That's pretty awful behaviour and you should feel no guilt at all for declining to let them use you.
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  • Profess... NTA - a pretty basic rule if you want eople to contribute towrds the cost of something is that you discuss it with thim in advance and agree a budget, beofre you commit to any expenditure.
  • I think that it would be open to you to offer a smaller contribution if you want and feel it is worth it for family relations or if you would have planned to spend some money on your dad and are willing to spend that as a contribution to the party instead.
  • you can also consider whether you think it would be at all useful to send a message to your sister and mum saying something like; "I was really taken aback when you asked me for $500-$1,000 out of the blue, towards Dad's birthday
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  • celebrations. We hadn't had any previous conversations or discussions about planning, or setting a budget, and as I knew you were making some plans but you hadn't chosen to involve me to ask me whether or how much I
  • might be able to contribute, I naturally assumed that you had already budgetted for what you were plannning. I admit that I did feel a little hurt yhst you chose to exclude me, but despite that, I'm not necessarily averse to contributing to family events in future but do ask, moving forward,
  • that you make sure that I'm involved from the start, so we can make sure that we're all in agreement about a budget and what everyone is able to afford, and that plans are agreed by everyone contributing, before any financial decisions or bookings are made so that no one is blind sided or excluded"
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  • alexmack667 NTA, they don't get to demand money from people for things they planned with no prior consultation.
  • Thyres76 NTA. You if they cook it up without you they gotta accept if you don't wanna chip in. BTW, what a range, 500 1000? This by itself is very - fishy IMO. Don't let them guilt trip you.
  • Cumisha Jones NTAH .Pretty easy, let them know your husband had a great 40th just in case they didn't remember and you both are not their bank
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  • notevenapro NTA, a milestone birthday should have the input of all that are being requested to chip in. FYI. When I hit 70 I would be happy if people just showed up. Barbeque? Potluck? Who cares. Just want to see my kids.
  • Pebble-hunter NTA, if my sister and mother did that, I wouldn't have been as polite as you I would've just said off spending my money and go spend your own
  • theoldman-1313 ΝΤΑ I think that your sister has been given a valuable lesson in communication and planning. Only time will tell if she is capable of learning. You on the other hand handled it perfectly.
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