“Plane go up, I give cookie, plane go down”: 20+ Professionals describe their job as poorly as possible

In a world drowning in "synergistic solutions" and "customer-centric growth hacking," something magical happens when people describe their jobs with brutal honesty instead of LinkedIn poetry. Take the flight attendant who summed up their career as "plane go up, I give cookie, plane go down." Suddenly, we all understand exactly what they do.

We've created a beautiful ecosystem where Growth Marketing Managers market growth while growing marketing. These aren't job descriptions; they're linguistic riddles wrapped in corporate speak and delivered with the confidence of someone who definitely knows what they're doing. And what they're doing is mastering Manipulative vagueness.

Just now, I scrolled LinkedIn for TWO minutes and came across a guy "Driving Innovation & Strategy in Defense Industry & Enterprise Sectors | Mentor | Empowering 22K+ Followers | Make an IMPACT, " someone who's an expert on Helping Companies Coordinate People and Spaces in hybrid working environments, and a post from someone who's excited to announce that he's starting a new chapter as a Culture Manager.

You tell me if you understand anything you just read.

This refreshing honesty cuts through the professional fog like a machete through corporate buzzwords. While "Digital Transformation Specialists" and "Revenue Operations Analysts" leave us scratching our heads, a teacher saying "I babysit 30 humans while occasionally telling them stuff" immediately makes sense. Or a surgeon's "I fix people's insides" is infinitely clearer than any "Healthcare Solutions Architect" job posting.

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The beautiful irony is that the worse the description, the better we understand the job. “I stare at spreadsheets until numbers make sense” tells us more about accounting than a thousand-word LinkedIn bio about “leveraging data-driven insights to optimize fiscal performance.” “I make sad computers happy again” is more informative than “IT Solutions Specialist.”
These hilariously honest job descriptions prove a profound point: real work is simple enough to explain badly. If you need a thesaurus and a business degree to understand what someone does, they’re probably in marketing or consultancy - jobs that exist primarily to justify their own existence.
Here’s our collection of people who dared to describe their jobs as poorly as possible, proving that authenticity beats corporate theater every single time:
01

via MJ
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02

via Phantom
03

via Lennox
04

via Lulu
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05

via Himmie
06

via ralinhodapia
07

via Booking.com
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08

via Wendy
09

via LyssXO
10

via willgraham'sdaughter
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11

via ThisisEngineering

^{The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.}
12

via Francisco Salinas
13

via Connor
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14

via Getty Images For Unsplash+

^{The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.}
15

via Anah
16

via nk95001
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17

via k.mohi
18

via theO
19

via Getty Images For Unsplash+

^{The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.}
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20

via tugsbugs
21
I'm bored. Describe your job as poorly as possible

via Vlada Karpovich

^{The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.}
22

via Iwona Saganek
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23

via J⭑si
24

via Jay Meyer
25

via lily
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26

via mackinnonmode
27

via Kozhin