'Instead of proving my love, I proved something else... I was done': 28-year-old woman guilt-tripped over a promotion and then asked to move in with her boyfriend to ‘prove her love,' she breaks up with him instead

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  • "If you really love me...
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  • "My Boyfriend Insisted I 'Prove My Love'—So I Left Instead."

    I (28F) was dating my boyfriend (32M) for about two years, and at first, everything seemed great. He was charming, thoughtful, and always knew what to say to make me feel special. But over time, things started to change in subtle ways that I ignored-until 1 couldn't anymore.
  • At first, it was little tests. "If you really love me, you'll text me goodnight first." "If you cared, you'd cancel your plans and stay with me tonight." They seemed harmless, even sweet in a way, but then it escalated.
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  • A few months ago, I got a big promotion at work. I was ecstatic, but his reaction was... off. Instead of celebrating, he got quiet. Then he asked me if I would still "prioritize our relationship" over my career. I told him
  • that nothing would change, but he seemed skeptical. He started making comments about how he felt like he was "competing" with my job, how he wished I would show him he was "number one."
  • Then the real test came. Last week, he asked me to move in with him. On paper, it made sense-his place was bigger, closer to my office, and we spent most nights together anyway. But something in my gut told me to
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  • wait. When I hesitated, he got upset. He said, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't need time to think about it." That's when it clicked. I realized that every major step in our relationship had come with a condition.
  • I wasn't proving my love-I was proving my obedience. And when I didn't comply, I was made to feel guilty. So instead of proving my love, I proved something else: that I was done.
  • I told him I needed space. He begged, he got angry, he called me selfish. Then he tried to flip the script and say I was the one who didn't love him enough. But I stood my ground. I packed my things and walked away.
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  • Now, he's been texting me non-stop, calling me cold and heartless, telling me I "gave up on us over nothing." But I don't think it was nothing. AITAH for leaving instead of proving my love?
  • NoraMagnetic Girl, you didn't leave a boyfriend, you escaped a walking red flag factory. Good for you. ►►
  • SmartNotRude NTA. You didn't give up over nothing, you gave up because you realized that his behavior was unacceptable and you deserved better. Kudos to the promotion in your professional and personal lives!
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  • down_with_ganyugoat You are NTAH. Brah what even. i'm sorry but i can't understand how people keep testing others for love. i don't get it. He malding hard.
  • Llama-no_drama OP well done, no notes, 100% NTA. A note to all the young people on here: no emotionally healthy person ever uses "if you really loved me you'd do x". (Except as a joke when asking for something small like a glass of water or a hug.) It is a large red flag.
  • It is manipulative, controlling, a sign of serious insecurity, or a mix of all three. No mature healthy adult insists you "prove" your love, especially by sacrificing something of your own, whether it's your time, money, career, family etc.
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  • CruelTaste Of NTA never lose freedom and independence, that's when they starting treating you bad
  • Teeth_Of_The_Hydra97 I'm so glad you had this clear- headed epiphany. NTA.

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