Wife secretly gives $400-$1000 every month to 'professional wrestler' brother who lives with them rent free, husband threatens to kick him out when he discovers this

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 31, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It's nice to support family while they're going through tough times. It's what family is for. If you can't lean on them when you hit a rough patch, then who can you lean on? But there has to be a limit to this kind of generosity since there's a fine line between helping out family and being taken advantage of by family. And sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it. You're just in it so deep with a loved one that you need someone on the outside to pull you out of your delusion and make you realize what's going on. 

After all, we never want to think of the people we love as capable of taking advantage of us. But they sometimes do, and the ultimate form of support is helping them become independent instead of continuing to fuel their path. That's what happened in this situation between a sister and brother.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10486949376
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But when the sister's husband stepped in and tried to show his wife what was going on, she wasn't quite ready to hear it. So he took to the internet to get some second opinions, which it provided in spades. Read on for the details and see what you think.

  • 02

    WIBTA for kicking my brother in law out of my house?

    I'm 40. My wife is 38. We have 2 children. My wifes brother is a 48 year old "Pro Wrestler" which nets him about $300 on a good month. He used to work a full time job, but lost it during co id.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 03
    This all started last year when he connected with us and mentioned he had a few matches in our city. He would be here for 9 days and wanted to plan a visit. We offered him a place to stay while he was here.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 04
    He shows up, he attends his events. He mentioned potentially staying an extra weekend or so as the promoter wanted to plan a few more shows.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 05
    We are now 8 months later and he is still here. He's effectively moved in without acknowledging it. When asked what his plan is, he provides answers such as "My plan is to make 5 million in 5 years" or "My plan is to take care of everyone" or "I don't really have a plan, I've just been manifesting and good things keep happening for me". He also insists that he cannot work a "regular job" and he needs to "hustle" instead.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 06
    After the financial burden of Christmas, I comb through our finances and discover my wife was lending him between $400-$1000 every month. This led to me crashing out as we have 100% shared finances and she was just "lending" it without even letting me know. I immediately wanted to know where his finances were and
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 07
    why we were giving a grown man an allowance so he could go "hustle". Additionally, there were transactions for things like repairs to his vehicle, new tires, bills that were in serious arrears, etc. He is basically collecting money from his sister with no way of paying it back, knowing she won't say no. Just "manifesting" that money out of our pockets.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 08
    I'm going to leave some details out because this post is already long enough - but do know that hygiene is not a priority, things of ours have been destroyed, his space is a mess 95% of the time, and other things.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 09
    My wife and I have had several conversations about it; her take is that he's having a hard time and needs some help. She knows this isn't a good situation but it's hard to say no - which I completely understand. He's recently exited a long term relationship that didnt
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 10
    end so well, lost his job, etc.. He obviously needs some time to bounce back. She acknowledges lending him money without asking was the wrong move, but thinks we should still lend him what he needs within reason. My take is that although he may be having a bit of
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 11
    a crisis, we aren't doing him any favors by giving him an "unlimited free-ride". He's never really been around until now and I beleive he's only here to take advantage of us. I want him to succeed and do well on his own, but he's deomonstrated an unwillingness to do anything that requires responsibility or discipline. He doesn't pay rent, we feed him, clean after him, do his laundry for him. He doesn't contribute anything why would he ever leave?
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 12
    Also, he does have a place to stay back home - I can confirm he is not homeless outside of our accommodations. I want to cut him off and kick him out.
    via u/Successful-Roof-1666
  • 13
    ht
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14

    Commenters gave their opinions on this situation.

    Ok-Horror-1049 16h ago Well, guess it's all in how you do it, but NTA. You have every right to want this man out of your house now. And if you and your wife have shared finances, the fact that she has literally introduced a new "bill" amounting to $400-$1000 monthly without discussing it with you, is another concern.
    via u/Ok-Horror-1049
  • 15
    (Talk to wife first but...) Convo: "Hey Bro, we have things coming up and need you to leave on (date- 1 week from) been great having you for the last 8 months, and we look forward to seein' your "hustle" when you get back to your home!". PERIOD. End of.
    via u/Ok-Horror-1049
  • 16
    . CF_FI_Fly 16h ago NTA You have a wife problem, not a BIL problem.
    via u/CF_FI_Fly
  • 17
    TheDarkHelmet19... . 16h ago NTA... not forcing him out at this point is separation worth. Her going behind your back and giving him significant money from shared finances is incredibly bad and causes a serious concern for whether she would do it again and clearly she doesn't have any
    via u/TheDarkHelmet1985
  • 18
    qualms continuing to give him whatever he wants. You guys are already giving up your peace in your own home and he is treating that poorly. Dude is almost 50. At what point is that man going to grow up? Especially when he knows he will still get free
    via u/TheDarkHelmet1985
  • 19
    housing and free money from his sister. If we did not agree to a hard out date in the short future, I'd strongly consider leaving. It's like you don't even exist in your own home.
    via u/TheDarkHelmet1985
  • 20
    Tired-of-this-world • 16h ago NTA Does your wife realise that the money she loaned him will never be seen again. Make sure you tell her it is gone regardless of what she believes.
    via u/Tired--this-world
  • 21
    He is a drain on you life and resources you need him gone sooner rather than later and your wife needs to realise this, does she work? if so tell her to use her money only for him, if she doesn't then it stops now.
    via u/Tired--this-world
  • 22
    Artistic_Bit_4665 • 16h ago Find 4 large friends. While your wife is at work and can't answer the phone. Tell BIL to leave, and help him pack. I assume he is fairly large as a "pro wrestler" which is why I saw 4 large friends. A lot of my solutions in life involve large friends. It is what it is. You will have to deal with the wife later..... But you are headed to divorce one way or another.
    via u/Artistic_Bit_4665
  • 23
    BubbleWrap027 • 16h ago NTA. Talk to you wife about the difference between helping and enabling. I understand that he needs help during this time, but his problems are now your family's problems. You and your wife should agree to stop doing things for him, like his laundry and cleaning, ask for a contribution toward the bills and force him to work on a plan to get his life in order.
    via u/BubbleWrap027
  • 24
    You can offer him help, but you shouldn't do it for him. He needs to be able to function in life. You and your wife need to get on the same page about how to best help her brother.
    via u/BubbleWrap027
  • 25
    Darling_3000 • 16h ago Sounds like your wife is just contributing and enabling his behavior. She continuously kept you in the dark and lied by omission, used shared funds, and after she "admitted" it wasn't good to do it without your knowledge continues to think you should lend him money.
    via u/Darling_3000
  • 26
    Most people with your BIL'S mentality will never stop taking. Why would they? He's got food, housing, and spending money. There is no one disciplining him. Which is absolutely INSANE that I had to say you needed to discipline a 48yr old.
    via u/Darling_3000
  • 27
    Also, you have to think of your kids. What kind of example is this showing. You didn't mention their ages, but either way it could be extremely bad. If they're young enough they'll subconsciously catch on and might even emulate him. Meanwhile if they're old enough to understand then....well they'll know they have a mooching uncle.
    via u/Darling_3000
  • 28
    It's always great to help the family out, but you're giving away money that could be going towards your kids. future education, family trips, or retirement. You've already 'lent' (we all know you'll never see that money back) $3k-$8k based on his 8month stay.
    via u/Darling_3000
  • 29
    He needs to get a real job. What happens if he gets seriously injured during a "pro wrestling" bout. You telling me he has health insurance? Is he on your plan? Will your wife look the other way if he calls with a broken arm begging for medical help? You need to nip this in the bt before it escalates.
    via u/Darling_3000
  • 30
    kikiacab 16h ago . He has a home, he's only staying with you to leech off of your wife. NTA for kicking him out.
    via u/kikiacab
  • 31
    pseudolin • 16h ago You wife is definitely an enabler. And she doesn't know how to say no to her older brother.
    via u/pseudolin
  • 32
    Call a family meeting with her and the BIL. Ask him straight up how he's going to repay the loans, etc. Set up information like programs and services that can help him get a full time job and the living. situation. See him squirm and deflect and do all the things that irresponsible people fall on to not take accountability for their life choices.
    via u/pseudolin
  • 33
    If your wife still sides with him after this, I honestly don't think your marriage will recover from the differences. NTA. BIL needs to grow the f up.
    via u/pseudolin

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