33-year-old man refuses to help sister after she ridiculed his parenting, he demands she apologize before giving advice: “You’re holding your help hostage”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 12, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome to Cheezcake, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone has some sort of gripe with their family. Even if you're close with your mom, best friends with your dad, and are roommates with your sibling, family is not always going to be perfect. We're close to family, even if we're not. They know our ins and outs, they have seen us in our best and worst states, they've seen us from children to adolescents, to adults. The intimacy in families can't be ignored even if you don't spend a lot of time together. They know you like the back of your hand. Being this intimate usually means that hard times come up more often. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a man whose sister has made scathing comments about his parenting. He has a little girl, and he never wanted food to be a huge issue in their lives. He lets his daughter eat what she wants, and to avoid what she doesn't. His sister, however, feels as though he should be more controlling about food, causing tension between them.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to help my sister come up with ways to feed her picky eater until she apologizes to me and my wife for calling us bad parents who were failing their kids?

    "My sister believes kids should eat what they're served”
    via NYS444 from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (33m) have three children (8,7 and 4) with my wife (32f). When our 8 and 7 year old were toddlers I stopped speaking to my sister (outside of civil hi's and bye's when we saw each other) because she called us bad parents who were failing their kids over how we chose to feed our kids and introduce food
    via u/CoupleFancy4311

  • This woman sounds insane. Why does she care if her child (or anyone else's) eats three bites of each food? It's only going to make the kid develop an eating disorder, and she can see already her idiotic parenting plan completely backfiring on her. If she wasn't so controlling then maybe her child would eat. 

  • 03
    to them. This was not an isolated comment and she had been making judgmental comments on how we feed our kids for a while. That comment was just the last straw for me.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 04
    We took the approach of not forcing them to clear their plates, not forcing them to try everything on their plate and offering a big variety of foods. None of our kids had issues with food. But we never wanted food to be a struggle. So if they didn't touch something offered or rejected something we tried to feed them that was okay.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10492653568
    via Susannah Townsend from capturenow / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    They could eat the rest. We'd try something new on the plate for a few months and if they never touched it or tried once and spat it out we took it out of rotation at that point. We typically reintroduced something after more than a year and if it wasn't a hit again we shelved it entirely. If there was something our kids didn't like
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 07
    we'd try to cook or present it in different ways to see if it would help.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 08
    There is very little our kids don't eat. They're very willing to try new stuff now as a result. Some things are unappealing to them so it takes them a while to try if there isn't a complaint about the texture.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 09
    Overall we're very happy with the outcome and we feel like our methods worked for our family.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 10
    My sister was always a believer in kids eat what they're served, they need to eat three bites of everything, can't say they don't like something, won't get anything made to cater to their wants and they won't starve themselves so they'll give in eventually. We never asked her to do what we did or
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 11
    talked about how she did it but she judged me and my wife anyway and spoke down to me like a kid instead of her five years younger brother.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 12
    Now my sister has a child who is not going along with the things she believed. She has an extremely picky eater who will not touch most of the food they encounter and will go hungry rather than eat. They refuse to take three bites of everything. They refuse to touch some things even when pushed to. And they eat less and less the more she pushes.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 13
    So now she wants my help. She wants advice. She told me she's ready to explode and I need to teach her. I told her I'd only help if she apologizes to me and my wife for the comments she made. I told her I did not forget what she said and I would not brush it under the rug like it never happened. I said she went too far and she never
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 14
    apologized or expressed regret for calling us bad parents who were failing their kids. I told her that's not something you just overlook when the person comes running to you for help.
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 15
    She's saying I'm holding my help hostage over this and I need to get over myself and who cares if she judges me and thinks we're not the kind of parents she'd want to be. I told her she shouldn't come to me for help with this if she doesn't want to be like me. AITA?
    via u/CoupleFancy4311
  • 16
    shyfidelity ⚫13h ago If this is real and she's asking for your help while simultaneously saying she won't apologize for being a judgmental a, absolutely NTA. She can do her own research instead of asking for you to hold her
    via u/shyfidelity
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10492654080
    via Azurita from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    hand through parenting. She doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be around regardless
    via u/shyfidelity
  • 19
    Azsura12 13h ago NTA "She's saying I'm holding my help hostage over this" I would have just said "Nah thats your pride doing that. Its not really hard to realize you said a f ed up statement.
    via u/Azsura12
  • 20
    And prolonged that conversation to the point I went no contact with you. So no I am not holding my help hostage over this. That is all on you and your inability to see what you did wrong."
    via u/Azsura12
  • 21
    Popular_Mix_2379 • 13h ago NTA, AT ALL! Your sister is the major here. What you did/do is awesome. Is your sister forced to eat things daily she doesn't like and take at least 3 bites of it? Who does that? I was more like you when my kids were little, my
    via u/Popular_Mix_2379
  • 22
    friends and her husband were like your sister. Both her kids, now in their 20's have huge eating problems and barely speak to their parents because of the way they were treated growing up (food wasn't the only issue the dad had power trips over). Kids,
    via u/Popular_Mix_2379
  • 23
    like adults are allowed to have likes and dislikes. When you push and force kids to eat things they don't like, of course they are going to rebel and not even want to try new things. I wouldn't help your sister either, especially since she still refuses to apologize,
    via u/Popular_Mix_2379
  • 24
    even though by asking for your help, she is admitting she was wrong. What a witch!
    via u/Popular_Mix_2379
  • 25
    • Jen0507 13h ago NTA and I married the victim of one of those 'you'll eat what i make or go hungry' mom's. Ughhhhhhh. My hubs eats so basic because of the trauma his mom put him through. This woman would intentionally make food he
    via u/Jen0507
  • 26
    hated and keep him at the table for hours if he didn't cave. Like oh you hate tuna? Cool that's dinner 3 days this week.
    via u/Jen0507
  • 27
    Yeah feel free to tell your sister that my hubs went no contact with his mother and crop like that was one of the reasons why. Her apologizing is the very least she could do.
    via u/Jen0507
  • 28
    Ok-Region-8207 • 12h ago NTA and even if she does apologise now don't help her. When she came to you for help the first thing she should of done was apologise, the fact you have had to ask for it and she is just arguing why she doesn't owe you guys an
    via u/Ok-Region-8207
  • 29
    apology means even if she says the words now you all know she doesn't mean it and is just trying to get you to do what she wants. Tell her to stop being a lazy mother and go and educate herself on the topic, it's 2025 there is more than enough information out there on children who are picky eaters she just can't be
    via u/Ok-Region-8207
  • 30
    bothered to go look herself and wants you to do the work for her.
    via u/Ok-Region-8207

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