Entitled 17-year-old keeps making 16-year-old friend buy coffees for her, friend calls her out for never paying her back: 'She could easily just go get one herself'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Apr 20, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Friends are supposed to have each other's backs and pay each other back. Of course, great friendships should not involve one person keeping score on how much they help the other. Not everything in a friendship can be quantified like that, so tracking how often one person commutes to the other or how often one person helps the other should not tell the full story of the relationship. At the same time, if it was always a great friendship, there shouldn't be an impulse to keep score at all. 

This is unfortunately something that most teenagers and young adults have to learn, especially when they get to a more self-sufficient place. Some friends reveal themselves to be more demanding than others. Even in my late twenties, I remember coming to realize that a close friend was far more reliant on her support system to do things for her than I was or that our other peers were. This teenager had a similar confrontation with her friend after she realized that she was never going to be paid back for all the coffees she had gifted her so-called "bestie."  

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    "My monthly allowance had run out "
    via Emil Kalibradov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Again, one should not feel the need to keep score in a friendship if it's a good friendship. However, in this instance, it was only a matter of time before this 16-year-old author realized that she was contributing far more to her friendship with her 17-year-old best friend and was getting nothing in return. These kinds of confrontations, though difficult, are necessary for both parties if they are willing to learn and grow. Unfortunately, as we all know, one's willingness to take that kind of criticism and improve truly depends on the person.

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    "AITA for cancelling on my friend after she wouldn’t pay for our lunch?"

    I 16F and my friend 17F (let's call her D) have been friends for about 3 years. We are very close and hang out outside of school very frequently. We agreed to meet each other for a couple hours to study for our ap test. For
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    context: every month my parents give me 100-200 dollars on a credit card so I can budget out what i'm going to spend for the month and D has been asking me almost every. single. day if I can
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    get her coffee before school as I go very frequently. I'm going to be honest it does bother me that she asks all the time considering she has a bigger amount of money than me and she could easily just go get one herself
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    before school and she never offers to pay me back. So knowing this, I asked her if she could pay for the food at our hang out since I got her about 5 coffees this month without being payed back. She agreed at first
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    and then said she couldn't anymore because she needs to buy a different friend a birthday present. I told her that my monthly allowance had run out and that I couldn't go anymore.
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    She seemed annoyed but I didn't want to ask if she was upset or bring up that I was upset. I feel like it's very selfish that she asks me for coffee almost every day
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    but then won't pay for our most likely 20 dollar meal. She also asks other people for coffee when I say no and I feel really used just because I drive to school and she has a license and a car but her dad drives her.
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    UPDATE: she reluctantly agreed to pay after I told her I couldn't go if she wasn't paying and to answer some questions: the coffees are about 7 dollars each
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    and I do get myself one too when I get her one and to be clear she has had my back in the past and payed for big expensive meals. once or twice when I really had no money she hasn't been asking for the coffees for very long only about a month or so.
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    O
    via Fahmi Fakhrudin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Vast_Responsibil... NTA But come on. You do realize she is using you, right? Stop saying yes. Seriously. Stop wasting your money on a fake friend who is using you for free coffee.
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    Wonderful_Two_... 18h ago NTA. I had a friend like this many years ago, except it was rounds of beer. It went on for a bit until I just directly said "It's your turn to start buying. Every other round is yours, or you can have water." He was p ed for a bit, but got over it. If you can be taken advantage of, someone will find a way to do it.
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    . sarratiger • 18h ago Info: You mentioned that she's paid for very expensive meals for you in the past. In your entire friendship, who do you think has spent more money on the other total?
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    KnitzSox 18h ago "Sure, Jessica, I'll grab one for you. Go ahead and preorder on the app and I'll pick it up when I get mine."
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    Dopa-Down Syn... . • 17h ago If this isn't the most golden spoon aita I have ever read. 7 dollar coffees every day, has a car and drives to school, and 200 bucks a month allowance at 16. You don't know how good you have it.
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    Watching Telly Now . 18h ago "Can you get me a coffee?" "No." That's how the conversation needs to go. NTA, unless you keep getting her coffee, in which case you're being a doormat, and an A to yourself.
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    GenxBaby2 • 18h ago NTA Your 'friend' is a leech and eventually she will run. out of people to buy her things. I'm glad you figured her out.
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    . gelfbo 18h ago YTA Maybe, you put a zinger in update that "she has paid for big expensive meals in past". So she is not a complete leech like your main post infers. Not sure
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    why you're judging her on her dad dropping here at school either. Just have a calm conversation and pay only for your own stuff from now on. You appear to be getting resentful around her
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    resources, she maybe a leech but you had this dynamic where she has paid. for big stuff so thought that was how your wallets operate. Have a conversation about needing
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    to manage your allowance better so it's a you problem at the moment not her, also be aware the wallet will be closed on her side too.
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friendship aita AITAH best friends friends entitled people karma entitled people
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