27-year-old refuses to pitch in for boyfriend's mom at her birthday dinner after she openly refers to her as a temporary girlfriend: "She treats me like I'm just some random he picked up off the street"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 1, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

A lot of young people don't seem to realize that dating is a preview of your future with the person that you are in a relationship with. While you should absolutely do your best to compromise and communicate, trying to fundamentally change someone is completely futile. You should be very aware of any red flags that come up and consider very carefully if they would be something you could put up with for the rest of your life. As they say, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

In our story today, a young woman finds out where her boyfriend's priorities lie when he allows his mother to humilate her at her birthday dinner. Instead of defending our protagonist when his mom openly refers to her as his "temporary girlfriend," he brushes it off as a joke. He doesn't even acknowledge that it might have been hurtful, and he even gets mad that she doesn't chip in for the cost of the dinner. 

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  • 01

    AITAH refusing pay my boyfriend's mom's birthday dinner after she called his "temporary girlfriend"?

    "I'm just so happy to be surrounded by family... and some of the newer, hopefully temporary additions."
    via FG Trade

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for about a year and a half. Things have been going well -he's sweet, we talk about moving in together, and I've met his family a few times. His mom, however,
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 03
    has never liked me. I don't know why. I'm polite, successful, I bring gifts, I make an effort-but she treats me like I'm just some random he picked up off the street.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10496370944
    via Motortion

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Last weekend, it was her birthday, and my boyfriend planned this big family dinner at a fancy restaurant. I offered to help pay, and he said it'd be nice if I covered half since we were splitting the bill between "the kids" (his siblings and us). Cool, no problem.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 06
    Dinner's going well-until his mom raises a toast and says: "I'm just so happy to be surrounded by family... and some of the newer, hopefully temporary additions." Then she looks directly at me and smiles.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515

  • Well, if she wasn't a temporary girlfriend before, she certainly is now. Our protagonist might as well go ahead and let the lady be right and book it out of this hot mess of a family. 

  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10496371456
    via annastills

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    The whole table laughed awkwardly. I looked at my boyfriend like, "Are you gonna say something??" and he just gave me a please don't make a scene face.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 09
    So I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I told the waiter, "Split my items to my own bill please. I'm paying for myself and that's it." Paid my part. Left.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10496371200
    via Visoot's Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    Later, my boyfriend texted saying I was "disrespectful" and "made a scene over a joke," and now his mom thinks I'm dramatic and unstable.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515
  • 12
    I told him the disrespect came from his mom, and if he's okay with her calling me "temporary" after a year and a half, maybe she's right. He hasn't responded since yesterday.
    via u/Cute_Environment_515

  • If her boyfriend weren't such a mommy's boy, I'd say she should stay with him just to prove his mom wrong! However, it's very clear that he would never prioritize her over his mother.

  • 13
    Bluebell2519 He hasn't responded since yesterday? I guess he's an ex now because that was not acceptable and neither is his silence.
    via u/Bluebell2519
  • 14
    Aggressive_Home_4848 Yes most definitely..
    via u/Aggressive_Home_4848
  • 15
    Crit-Hit-KO Agreed. He should've said something if you were really in his heart. I wouldn't stand it. Made no sense to just sit there and be attacked.
    via u/Crit-Hit-KO
  • 16
    Think about it: if this is how it is BEFORE MARRIAGE... it's always going to be "let it go" "don't make a scene" "it's her birthday..." "She's my mom, what do you want me to do?"
    via u/Crit-Hit-KO
  • 17
    Just leave. I'm surprised you stayed this long. If you're doing well in your career and you're generally a good person overall, that's already a catch out in the dating world. Why deal with this cr p?
    via u/Crit-Hit-KO
  • 18
    JuucedIn Loser family. Glad you escaped in time.
    via u/JuucedIn
  • 19
    TieNervous9815 It's always great when they show themselves early. That way you can exit before marriage and kids come into play.
    via u/TieNervous9815
  • 20
    Complete Tell6795 Yes! Better a yr & a half then 10 yrs with kids !
    via u/CompleteTell6795
  • 21
    Ok_Row_2861 Why you would be expected to pay for any, much less half, of a family dinner is beyond me. Why you haven't dumped the mfer in full also eludes me. That
    via u/Ok_Row_2861
  • 22
    you e put up with his mom's disrespect for a year and a half is absurd. That he defends her and accuses you of being dramatic and unstable in the face of her continued behavior is an absolute deal breaker.
    via u/Ok_Row_2861
  • 23
    When he finally contacts you again let him know that you've moved on and wish him well with his Oedipus Complex.
    via u/Ok_Row_2861
  • 24
    DisastrousMachine568 This he is a mamas boy, you will never be happy with him, he will never stand up for you. Hopefully he never calls back, move on you are Way to good for him, your future is in front of you, HE is in your past
    via u/DisastrousMachine568
  • 25
    Hairy-Walk-3219 ABOSLUTELY NTA! i dont even need to read the whole thing to already know how insane this is, do not let that woman ever speak to you again, there is ZERO reason to disrespect like that
    via u/Hairy-Walk-3219
  • 26
    StandingGoat NTA - that's a BF issue not a BF's mother issue. Not only does he fail to stand up for you in the moment but he doubles down and blames you after the fact.
    via u/StandingGoat
  • 27
    IAmTAAlways Make him temporary and make his expiration date today. NTA
    via u/IAmTAAlways
  • 28
    caroldoverrr NTA. Your boyfriend's mom openly disrespected you in front of everyone, and he let her. That 'joke' wasn't funny-it was a calculated insult. You didn't make a scene; you set a boundary. If he's not willing
    via u/caroldoverrr
  • 29
    to stand up for you after 1.5 years, ask yourself what living together (or worse, marriage) would look like. You dodged a bigger bullet by paying your own bill and walking out with dignity.
    via u/caroldoverrr
  • 30
    gobsmacked247 This is how you handle disrespect to your face!!! Turning to your bf first was the right move and when no support came, you handled your business without a single blow. I hope the relationship is over. No apology will wipe any of this from existence.
    via u/gobsmacked247
  • 31
    steeveebeemuse Tell the BF that instead of paying, you gave his mother the gift she wanted most: your absence. Because you're thoughtful like that.
    via u/steeveebeemuse

Tags

boyfriend AITAH toxic birthday mother Female Empowerment relationships parenting girlfriend couples breakup red flag relationship drama
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