Sibling refuses to loan brother $100,000 to fund legal custody battle over his child, claiming he has no chance of winning: 'Better off accepting the truth and saving the money'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 21, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

When you become a parent, the most important thing in the entire world should be your child, and only your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for them, no lines you wouldn't cross, even if it is seemingly beyond your reach. And since your child is your first priority, sometimes you might expect your friends and family feel the same. You might expect they would be willing to jump into fires right there alongside you for the sake of your child.

However, that is not the case.

Your parents, siblings, family, and friends have no obligations towards your children. They can help, or they can be there for you, but they also have every right to set boundaries and draw lines. The only thing you can do is accept the hand they are offering you, and appreciate the distance they are willing to go for you and your child. 

The brother in the story below was expecting a little too much of his sibling when it came to his personal battle for his child…

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  • Understandably, the dad in this story was willing to do everything in order to win the custody battle over his daughter. The problem was, he couldn't afford it, so he turned to his sibling, asking for $100,000 to help fund it all.

    The sibling, who as already been advised by lawyers that the battle is probably fruitless, decided to opt out of helping. Were they right to do so? Keep scrolling to read the full story and decide.

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    Cheezburger Image 10496346624
    via Aflo Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for refusing to give money to my brother to save his daughter ?"

    I refused to give $100,000 to my brother to fund his legal custody battle. AITA for this? My brother called out of the blue one day. We've been living in different countries for many
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    years and we're often not in touch. He has been going through divorce and custody battle for a long time. The divorce is really ugly.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Both he and his ex wife are extremely similar being stubborn, argumentative and always right. They are both ex- army.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    So my brother asks for $100,000. Specifically, it's for the newest set of lawyers quote to conduct a last all out custody battle.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    He explains it like a military strategy and explains it's a last stand and about showing strength. According to his new lawyers it is completely un- winnable, not recommended, a
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    waste of time and he is better off accepting the hard truth and saving the money. I personally agree with the lawyers based on what I was
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    told by my brother. Yet he insists it's the only thing left to do. He also said there is no way he could pay it back.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    My view was, if it's life or d th then yes, but it's not, and it would only hurt everyone making this last stand.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    PETITION FOR CHILD CUSTODY Given Name(s) Middle Name Phone Number
    via Hailshadow

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    HOLYC PGIVEMEANAME $100,000? American dollars? For a custody battle?
    via HOLYC**PGIVEMEANAME
  • 12
    Eva_and_Logan OP AUD. So not quite as crazy as USD.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    EmceeSuzy You are NTA for refusing to give the money but why did you write: 'to save his daughter'? To save her from what?
    via EmceeSuzy
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    Eva_and_Logan OP Save his daughter refers to him claiming she's not safe with her mother. The divorce is super ugly and both sides are saying / accusing horrible things. I don't want to go into details because it's impossibly lengthy and horrible what's being said between the two. Toxic to the extreme and honestly neither side is perfect.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    EmceeSuzy Do you believe that the child is unsafe with the mother and would become safe if the father gained primary custody?
    via EmceeSuzy
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    Eva_and_Logan OP This is honestly the hardest part. I believe she would be safer with her dad. But that is based on only one side of the story. Councillors have deemed the mother safe before.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    EmceeSuzy If all you know is what he is telling you, I would not take that as reliable information. The fact that he called you asking for this money when his own attorney told him it is likely to be fruitless is a clear indication that he is not rational and not going to be able to be honest about what is going on.
    via EmceeSuzy
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    anonaparent52 NTA v. does he mean "showing strength"? Custody is about the kids, not him. "According to his new lawyers it is completely un-winnable, not
    via anonaparent52
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    recommended, a waste of time and he is better off accepting the hard truth and saving the money" There is your answer. Save the money.
    via anonaparent52
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    Fntsyking655 NTA, the lawyers who have a stereotype of being money- hungry sharks told him not to do it. That shows just how futile his course of action is. Also he literally said you wouldn't get your money back, so so w that.
    via Fntsyking655
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    Eva_and_Logan OP I agree 100% with your thinking. And that thought process was my first too. But the lawyers are absolutely adamant that my brother will lose in court. Brother
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    also agrees he would lose. So if that's a conclusion then the status quo of the kids location won't change and it's only down to money.
    via Eva_and_Logan
  • 23
    wolofancy NTA Okay so it's 100k out of your pocket but it's also thousands of dollars from the mom's pocket in attorney fees that could be used to better the kid's lives. You made the right choice.
    via wolofancy

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family drama aita kids brother mother siblings reddit story parenting loan divorce family sister Reddit money parents children Father custody
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