“He’s a person, not a dog”: 23-year-old woman uses dog training tactics in her relationship, her friend criticizes her for treating her boyfriend like a dog

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 21, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

As Homo sapiens, we're constantly trying to separate ourselves from other species of animals. Sure, we build buildings, we fall in love, we have degrees in medical fields and others, we write poetry and do all sorts of complex things that basically every other species is incapable of. But at the end of the day, we stemmed from something, and that's animals. We're still animals to our core, and we have animal instincts. 

We're all familiar with phrases like "fight or flight," or "trusting our gut." Where do these instincts come from? Fight or flight is the release of either epinephrine or norepinephrine to dictate whether we freeze or run in situations where our adrenaline is so high that we lack the capability to think clearly. Trusting our gut is the same, though some people shouldn't trust their gut, but that's a different story. 

In the narrative below, it centers around a new and young couple. The guy has some baggage, and the woman works with mistreated animals. She uses her learnings about dog's behaviors to understand and analyze her boyfriend, to treat him better and in a way that makes sense to him. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for “training” a guy “like a dog”?

    Cheezburger Image 10496347648
    via Blue Bird from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (23F) have recently started seeing this guy (26M). he's super pretty, but he's kind of emotionally unavailable and he's alluded to an unstable/ unhealthy childhood.
    via u/puppy_lve

  • I think there's nothing wrong with what this woman is doing. She's not “treating him like a dog.” She's analyzing him to see what works to open him up, to make him feel safe and loved, and what doesn't. There's nothing wrong with trying to get closer to someone gently. 

  • 03
    for context, i also work w socializing a sed and neglected dogs at a local shelter and i think how much time i spend w the dogs is impacting the way i interact w ppl.
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 04
    when we were on a date i started subconsciously making mental notes abt him like the notes id make abt a dog. for example, i noticed when we went out to dinner i noticed he ate really quickly and was very anti-sharing (resource guarding) but when i
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 05
    offered to pay and suggested dessert it seemed to make him really happy and a little calmer (food-motivated); he's really particular about his car (territorial/ crate aggression); he likes when i pick where we go/ what we do (eager to please), etc. so, ive started using the tactics id use on a dog w similar problems.
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 06
    recently a friend (22F) pointed out that it's weird that i keep peanut M&Ms on me w the specific purpose of offering the guy one when i see him, and offering them again whenever i can tell he feels vulnerable. she said that im being an ah le bc he's a person, not a dog so i shouldn't be "training him like one."
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 07
    i don't think that's fair, im not trying to control him or anything, i just want him to feel comfortable w me the same way i need the animals im helping to be comfortable w me. humans and animals aren't THAT diff after all.
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 08
    we all just want to feel safe and cared for. the guy hasn't noticed yet as far as i can tell. the problem is, my "technique" is yielding really positive results. AITAH? should i stop?
    via u/puppy_lve
  • 09
    Joven0625 ⚫9h ago Just make sure to tell him he's a good boy!
    via u/Joven0625
  • 10
    Chemical-Sea-6997 • 10h ago Stop making this dogcentric and just share your M & Ms. That's fairly normal. Then you will nbtah.
    via u/Chemical-Sea-6997
  • 11
    ToughOk8241 • 9h ago I think it's a bit strange to offer your bf 1 M&M every time you see him. Even if it is to help him feel more comfortable with you. What about communicating... like using words. Telling him what
    via u/ToughOk8241
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10496348160
    via ppnmm from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    you like about him. Eventually through communication and doing things together, he'll feel more comfortable with you.
    via u/ToughOk8241
  • 14
    Historical_Volume806 • 9h ago The peanut m&ms is a step too far into Pavlovian training him into liking you. Taking note of behaviors and things you can do to put him at ease are fine. The m&ms are too much.
    via u/Historical_Volume806
  • 15
    Ogizmo0 7h ago This is like when one of your friends starts pursuing a psychology major and after taking 2 classes they start to psychoanalyze everything you do like they think they can read your mind or something.
    via u/Ogizmo0
  • 16
    Knew 2 people like this. Got old really fast as they'd over read into everything you do like you did with this guy eating. We use treats to train. dogs because we don't have the same level of communication as them. You and this guy have the same level of communication, use it.
    via u/Ogizmo0
  • 17
    Jack_of_Spades • 8h ago "I want to train this person to behave in a way I find desireable without them realizing it" is generally not a great stance to take.
    via u/Jack_of_Spades
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10496347904
    via eAlisa from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Qui... • 9h ago Edited 5h ago Dog trainer here. Beheavioral techniques work with all animal and I use some with My kids but some of what You are doing is messed up.
    via u/Quimeraecd
  • 20
    We are always complaining about human anthopormizing their dogs and You are doing the exact same thing when You read dog beheaviors in a human.
    via u/Quimeraecd
  • 21
    I also doubt that and M&M would be good for reinforcing a grownup beheavior. The values of the stimuli is just to low.
    via u/Quimeraecd
  • 22
    Infamous-Potato-53... • 8h ago Yes, it's very strange and reductionist.
    via u/Infamous-Potato-5310
  • 23
    Comfortable-Sale-167 7h ago "I suspect this guy I'm seeing had a rough childhood so I'm gonna treat him like a animal." "Hey guys am lana_h_le?” Yes. YTA and an all around really awful person for this.
    via u/Comfortable-Sale-167

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