32-year-old spends 5 years giving money to older sister, gets chastised for not being grateful enough: 'That was 10 years ago. You're an idiot who pays for everything'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 23, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

For many people, it is only natural to want to help out their family members when they are struggling. Even those who have difficult relationships are often conditioned to think that family comes first, and that helping out is all a part of working as a secure family unit. Whether they are donating time or money, a lot of us will turn to our close relatives when we need help.

However, it is very easy to cross a line when it comes to expecting family to bail you out, especially when this concerns money. Family and finances are a mix that is often terrible yet equally inevitable. Many rifts between relatives have occurred thanks to a financial deal that has gone awry, frequently when one person takes from another and then refuses to give back. There comes a point where it is understandable to not be willing to provide any more help.

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  • 01

    My sister called me an idiot for paying off her credit card “10 years ago”.

    1 (32F) have helped my sister (34F) a lot financially for the past 5 years. I'll be blunt: she's broke, and I have had a decent income since my early 20's. A couple of years ago, I paid off her credit card in full as she was having trouble affording rent, is single mother with a 6 y/o son etc. We recently went on a trip to visit our younger sister, and I paid for her flight, hotel, meals, rental car, everything. We got in a fight while on this trip, and I asked her why she doesn't appreciate any
    via sweetness_petiteness

  • One woman found herself at this point with her sister. She had a well-paying job, but her older sibling had spent the past few years struggling financially. 

    It led her to pay off some of her debts and cover some expenses for her, but it eventually became apparent that she wasn't all that grateful for this help.

    After a confrontation, the younger sister refused to keep giving her money, causing her to spread lies to their youngest sibling. She wanted to vent about the situation.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10497643776
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03

    "I'm beyond done with her"

    mentioned paying off her debt a couple years back, and she replied "that was 10 years ago. I didn't ask for you to do it. You're just an idiot and pay for everything." So since then I don't pay for sh obviously. A month or so after this trip, I got a text from her asking if I could help with her rent. I didn't respond at first, but a few days later I asked if she was okay and if she still needed help. Apparently she took out a loan and told me no, all is fine. Now I'm hearing from my little sist
    via sweetness_petiteness
  • 04
    Added context: We were extremely close, basically best friends growing up. Her behavior changed immensely the past couple years.
    via sweetness_petiteness
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10497644544
    via Lala Azizli (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    People sympathized with the situation that the woman found herself in.

    Haunting Wasabi_5521 Don't pay anything for her anymore, she called you an idiot. You thought you were helping her out but in her mind, she was playing you. F her
    via Haunting_Wasabi_5521
  • 07
    gihid25 Wild how "thanks" turned into "you're an idiot" real quick. Entitlement speedrun.
    via gihid25
  • 08
    Illegal-Avocado-2975 Simple solution. She thinks you're an idiot for helping her? Stop helping her. Time for her to sink or swim.
    via Illegal-Avocado-2975
  • 09
    lilacgrove295 This. You don't owe constant forgiveness just because you're family. Sometimes the best response to that kind of ungrateful energy is just... silence and boundaries.
    via lilacgrove295
  • 10
    Artistic-Nebula-6051 I understand she's your sister and you love her, but why are you still trying to save her? She doesn't respect you. She lies about you and diminishes you in every way. Don't save her from own bad decisions let her suffer consequences. When you're 65 on a fixed income do you think she will help you? You are better off putting the money in investments or increasing your 401k contributions. Take it from someone who gave all their money to family out of love or a feeling of resp
    via Artistic-Nebula-6051
  • 11
    Thiltaz Some might say if you truly love her, you should stop "helping her" by bailing her out from her bad decisions and that you are enabling her irresponsible behavior. Tough love may be the only thing you can offer at this point.
    via Thiltaz
  • 12
    Rosetattooirl Your sister is right. You are an idiot for helping someone who is so unappreciative! You're probably feeling hurt and betrayed, but she's shown her true colours now, so pull any future financial help and concentrate on yourself. Also, keep helping your niece/nephew if you can. They're innocent in this.
    via Rosetattooirl
  • 13
    Pure-Philosopher-175 Time for sister to learn not to bite the hand that feeds her. Cut her off. Maybe instead of giving money to your sister, you could start a savings account for your nephew, and do not let his mother have access to it. He's innocent in all this.
    via Pure-Philosopher-175
  • 14
    raptortaps Agree. If you still want to help the kid, maybe start putting money away for them to go to uni/college, so they can try and access more opportunities than their mother will offer. Don't tell either of them about it until it's about time for the kiddo to make decisions about their future, and make sure you make the payment yourself, don't just hamd over the money.
    via raptortaps
  • 15
    japp94 Yeah, sounds like you're more of an ATM machine than a sister to her. And then she had the nerve to call you an idiot for helping. The audacity...
    via japp94
  • 16
    BeneficialBake366 Giving your sister a more kind interpretation my guess is she carries a lot of shame because of the help that you give her. She asks for the help, but on some level she also resents it because it creates a power imbalance in your relationship. And instead of being grateful, she pushes back or rationalizes getting the help by blaming you or acting entitled. I suspect her behavior is way to manage deep seated shame. The advice of all the redditors is still correct ... Bottom line
    via BeneficialBake366
  • 17
    Careless-Ability-748 You shouldn't have paid for her trips either, not just the credit card. But stop everything now.
    via Careless-Ability-748
  • 18
    candlewick_67 Don't help her. You're an idiot for helping her, remember? Let her deal with her own problems.
    via candlewick_67
  • 19
    DetroitSmash-8701 She showed you what you were to her. Take the lesson learned and walk away, and stay gone. And if the flying monkeys descend, hurt their feelings.
    via DetroitSmash-8701
  • 20
    SuperbPotential2610 Don't pay anything. Show "receipts" to your little sister, and - if needed to your parents as well. She can deal with her mistakes by herself, you're not the idiot.
    via SuperbPotential2610
  • 21
    kreyanor That never works. Parents will often fall on the side of "bl d is thicker than water". It's not favouritism, it's just trying to keep the family together and finding the easiest way to achieve that goal. Cutting sister off will devastate the rest of the family as infuriating as she is.
    via kreyanor
  • 22
    SHAsyhl When you assist people in this way many times (illogically, I know) they resent you. Not sure why, I can only speculate... They're aware that they wouldn't be as generous... They feel it makes them look bad... They feel it makes you look good... They're afraid that you feel superior to them... Etc., etc.
    via SHAshyl
  • 23
    kempff Yep. Time to move on. Time to stop "helping" her, and know that smart people are on to her bs about you behind your back. Because she does the same to them.
    via kempff

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sisters argument family reddit thread Reddit money entitled people
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