65-year-old mom allows son and daughter-in-law to move in, considers selling after he berates her for having friends visit his 4350 sq ft 'forever home': 'I spent $15,000 fixing the house and moved to the granny flat'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 19, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Parental generosity towards adult children can prove to be a controversial topic. The crowd that maintains the best thing for kids is to expect them to fend for themselves after the age of 18 will often start foaming at the mouth at the prospect of a parent giving their adult child any kind of help. In reality, many moms and dads are a little more forgiving. While this can be a good thing, there are times when it gets taken too far or exploited.

While it is only natural to want to help out your children when they are struggling to establish themselves or have fallen on hard times, it is an unfortunate truth that some will see this as a free pass to act entitled at the expense of those supporting them. When it happens, it isn't the easiest of situations to get out of. Care is needed in this scenario.

 

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  • 01

    WIBTA if I sold my son’s ‘forever home’?

    I (65F) live in SoCal in a 4,350 sq' 5-bedroom house with a granny flat (kitchenette, above garage). My son (30sM) and his wife (30sF) settled in LA after college (2013). My husband di d in 2019 (Alzheimer's), my mom in 2020 (dementia). I took a reverse mortgage ($385,000, growing $25,000/year) to care for my husband. With taxes, insurance, and utilities, the house costs $40,000/year, and I'm out of savings.
    via kilimanjaroginger

  • This is something that one mom learned the hard way after she allowed her son and his wife to move into her spacious house when both of them lost jobs last year.

    The house had been reverse mortgaged so that the woman could care for her sick husband, who passed in 2019. As a condition of the mortgage, she had to live in the house and chose to stay in the granny flat while her son and daughter-in-law were there.

    Unfortunately, she found that this had resulted in her son imposing restrictive rules on how she could use the house socially, not wanting her to disrupt the peace of his ‘forever home'. It led her to consider selling, but she wondered if she was in the wrong for that.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10495543552
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    The house is in a trust; I'm the executor, and my son inherits it when I di . He begged me not to sell, wanting it as their 'forever home.' After he and his DIL lost jobs in 2024, we agreed they'd move in. A month before, DIL asked if her younger sister and husband (not strangers; I hosted their 2024 wedding reception) could stay for a year. I spent $15,000 and three months fixing the house-painting, new closets-and moved to the granny flat. In January 2025, they moved in, paying $3,000/month (t
    via kilimanjaroginger
  • 04
    Initially, I loved cooking, shopping, and doing their laundry, feeling purpose and family again. They work long hours (6am-7pm), so I helped often. In March, I had six friends (65-85, not rowdy) over to watch a recorded Dodgers game, with my son's approval. They left by 7:45p, but he berated me, saying I can't have friends in the main house ('disrupts their life') and must use my granny flat (small couch, 2 chairs). I stopped helping and rarely see them, walking on eggshells to avoid them. I tol
    via kilimanjaroginger
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10495543808
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    People agreed that she was within her rights to move.

    Shichimi88 Nta. I would just sell. Evict the entitled people there first.
    via Shichimi88
  • 07
    SquirrelGirlVA I was initially willing to give the family the benefit of the doubt, but then I saw that he was working as a free housekeeper on top of giving them a sweetheart deal on rent. It's unclear if they were even paying OP back for the groceries she bought. OP asking to have some friends over wasn't much to ask and they're treating it like she brought them over without warning and until the wee hours of the morning. Sure I suppose she could have asked everyone rather than just her son, b
    via SquirrelGirlVA
  • 08
    Top-Ad-5527 He needs to buy you out if he wants it, you're still alive and need to be able to live your life.
    via Top-Ad-5527
  • 09
    afirelullaby What a selfish son they have. Imagine feeling so entitled to something you didn't earn. And polices their fun! What a peach he is.
    via afirelullaby
  • 10
    Top-Ad-5527 OP should make sure he hasn't tried to take out any life insurance policies on her tbh. People will do really unsavory things for inheritance
    via Top-Ad-5527
  • 11
    tropicsandcaffeine Sell the place. Get a condo and enjoy your life without ungrateful people around you.
    via tropicsandcaffeine
  • 12
    bananapanqueques It's your house, and he berated you for having friends over. Sell it. NTA.
    via bananapanqueques
  • 13
    princessmathea His behavior is unacceptable, you deserve peace and financial stability. Selling the house is a valid solution to both, and he needs to respect your decision. NTA.
    via princessmathea
  • 14
    Pretend-Panda Yes, please sell it. Please. Take care of yourself. Your son is not realistic about his needs/wants or his ability to meet them.
    via Pretend-Panda
  • 15
    kingnotkane120 Yes, and what's going to happen to OP when she can't navigate the stairs to get to the granny flat above the garage? Where is she going to go if just being in the main house "disrupts their life". Sell it and move into something where you can age in place.
    via kingnotkane120
  • 16
    LonelySoul890 Take care yourself first, they are grown and will survive. At this point they are just mooching off you imo.
    via LonelySoul890
  • 17
    Best Individual1212 Honestly, the entitlement is mind boggling. The house is your. Not theirs. For which they do not pay enough rent either. And yet you are pushed into the tiny room over the garage? No way. You need to give them a reality check. Either pay the full market rent if they want to set rules, or move out. And does he mean rules for the main house? It's your house in its entirety.
    via Best_Individual1212
  • 18
    anniemct Have the house appraised and give them first right of refusal. If they can't buy then that's on them.
    via anniemct
  • 19
    Tight Jaguar 3881 I would not give them right of first refusal. It will only be another episode of your son displaying his entitlement. He will ask for you to lower the price. After how he has treated you he deserves nothing.
    via Tight_Jaguar_3881
  • 20
    littlefiddle05 NTA. If your son wants it as his forever home, then he's welcome to buy it; he should have plenty saved after all this time saving $7k/month paying below market rent. Seriously though, don't do favors for people who won't appreciate them. You charged him $3k instead of $12k, acted like their housekeeper, gave them the main house while you took the granny flat (why???), and their response is to object to ever seeing you in the main area of your house? If they want that kind of cont
    via littlefiddle05
  • 21
    BiggKinthe509 Ohh I no. NTA. You are not the ah le here. You've gone above and beyond... subsidizing their rent (I mean, adopt me?), fixing up the house, moving into a smaller space (that would be a big h_ I no from me), and helping out daily... only to be treated like an inconvenience and sh on in your own home. You're under financial strain, feeling isolated, and not being respected. Your son may see it as his "forever home," but unless he's willing to buy it at fair market value, you have eve
    via BiggKinthe509
  • 22
    Emergency Today8583 Yep - if he wants it as his forever home he can buy it from you. Where was he when you were having financial struggles taking care of others? Did he offer to help with anything? Now he expects you to live in a tiny apartment and be their live-in maid? Not a chance! This is ungratefulness at its highest level! I would have an open and frank conversation with him. You've sacrificed a lot and he is taking advantage of your generosity. He can either pay market rate rent or purcha
    via Emergency_Today8583
  • 23
    hawthornetree I would first communicate clearly and/or raise the rent by a lot. They need to know (I'm confused between your son and your DIL's sister's husband here) that the choices are: - They gracefully accommodate your access and let you entertain and feel like part of the family -They pay full market price rent - You sell up You are very unhappy with how things are. They are trying to enforce traditional landlord/tenant boundaries, while getting below market rent.
    via hawthornetree
  • 24
    Overall-Hour-5809 NTA. Let them BUY their own forever home. Maybe they will then appreciate it.
    via Overall-Hour-5809
  • 25
    esk_209 NTA - If I remember correctly (and I could be wrong), since you have a reverse mortgage your son, as family, will have the opportunity to buy the house when you decide to sell. If he wants it to be his forever home, he can buy it. Right now, you own it, he doesn't. Sell.
    via esk_209

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