Stepmom insists 16-year-old stepson is needed for babysitting his half-siblings while his dad is out of town for 3 weeks out of the month: 'I never wanted to be there when dad wasn't'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 23, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

For many people, hanging out with extended family can be a bit of a drag. You don't need to have a real problem with your dad's second wife and her kids to not want to spend a lot of time with them, especially if he hasn't made much of an effort to spend time with you. Many parents think that because they have kids, random family members will suddenly become highly invested in spending time with them and their kids. While that does happen in many families (if you've been to a family Christmas without any childlike wonder, you know it can get quite bleak), having kids doesn't make your nuclear family a priority for estranged family members. Estranged children from previous marriages might feel kind of resentful for being expected to make an effort in a family that only exists because their parent quit their first nuclear family. 

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  • The teen in this story is following in his brother's footsteps. After they turned 14 and were no longer mandated by the courts to see their dad's family, they stopped coming over to visit. Despite the loud and clear messaging from this family, their dad's wife still expects them to step up for her kids.

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    ural
    via Wesley Tingey

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not going to my dad's house when my dad isn't even there even if I'm "needed"?

    My parents divorced when me (16m) and my brother (19m) were 1 and 4 years old. Dad admits he cheated because he was on the road a lot and mom couldn't deal with him anymore. He worked away 3 weeks a month and would be home one week a month. So after the divorce we saw him one week a month like always.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    Cheezburger Image 10497259008
    via Anita Austvika (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    He got married again when I was 7. I never liked his wife. Neither did my brother. She and my dad have kids together and when she had their first together baby dad and her requested the court change the custody agreement so me and my brother would spend
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    more time with our half siblings. Mom fought it. We didn't want it either. But the judge decided we should go one weekend a month when dad wasn't there so we'd have more time with our halfs.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    Dad and his wife tried to change that to a full week but were denied. A clause was added that we could stop going that extra weekend once we reached the age of 14. My brother turned 14 on the Friday we should have been going there and he didn't go. Dad's wife was pred and fought mom about it but my brother got to say no.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    When I turned 14 I made the same choice. Though I turned 14 a different week so it was something more expected when I refused to go. My dad's wife didn't like it more when I refused. She tried to swear some more at mom about it but mom wrote down the incident and said her lawyer would love to hear it so dad's wife shut up.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    There were times my dad wasn't around and his wife wanted help. Once it was something broke and she wanted me or my brother to fix it, other times it was she needed something at the store and the kids were sick, babysitting was another one, and a bunch of other things. We'd always say no.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    Last weekend dad's wife sent a text saying she needed me to babysit because she was called into work for the weekend and her babysitter wasn't around and nobody else could do it. I told her no. She said it was one weekend and I should be going there more
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    to see the kids anyway. I told her not my problem. I never wanted to be there when dad wasn't. That was never my decision to go and she needed to shut up and stop bothering me.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    Cheezburger Image 10497258752
    via Christopher Campbell

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My dad called the next night and we talked about what happened. He said his wife was upset and he wanted to know why I never go to his house for a weekend or even a few hours while he's not there, to see my half siblings. I said I didn't want to. And I told him I was tired of her trying to get me over there when I don't want to. He said me and my
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    brother could be better about this and I could spend some time one weekend a month there. I said I'm already there the weekend he is. Dad told me it's not the point and I could go and visit my stepmom (which I always gag when people call her that) and half siblings.
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    I know my dad's disappointed in me but if he wanted me and my brother to be closer to his new family he should be around. Without him I don't feel like I need to. But AITA for not going when he's not there?
    via u/Dayllonzong
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    Notyohunbabe NTA. I think dad's wife wants some free child care when her husband isn't around
    via u/Notyohunbabe
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    Usual-Canary-7764 I think OPs take is one of the most reasonable ones I have had on here. "If dad wants us there more he should be around more". Can't really fault that logic. NTA
    via u/Usual-Canary-7764
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    sparksgirl1223 Agreed. I'm mildly surprised that a judge said the kids had to go when dad wasn't there
    via u/sparksgirl1223
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    Runneymeade Guess you've been lucky enough to avoid court, lol. Family law judges are the worst.
    via u/Runneymeade
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    maroongrad Yup. And if so, she needs to pay babysitting wages, at a fair amount, and ask not demand.
    via u/maroongrad
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    dearlytarg NTA. Your stepmom just wants a free babysitter, or someone to clean up her mess. You have no obligation towards her, or your half-siblings, nor you have an obligation to go for the weekend your dad's not there. You are 16, and your brother is an adult already. Your
    via u/dearlytarg
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    dad's wife and your dad needs to understand that this whole dream of "being one big happy family" will not happen. Good job in keeping your boundaries, and don't let yourself be consumed by guilt. Remember, you have no obligation towards them.
    via u/dearlytarg
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    ElectricalFocus560 NTA. Also what idiot doesn't have a backup for babysitting needed to go to work. They have been together for 9 years and it appears that daddy dearest is still gone 3 weeks a month. Maybe don't take a job where dad can't be #1 backup.
    via u/ElectricalFocus560
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    One_Ad_704 Plus stepmom is kind of an idiot. She married a guy who's job has him gone three weeks out of four and yet didn't seem to connect the dots that once they had kids she would be, for all intents and purposes, a single parent for those three weeks? And years later, when the situation is something that everyone could see coming, she (and hubby) are upset that stepsons are not doing more to help them out?
    via u/One_Ad_704
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    CandylandCanada ΝΤΑ Note that the "need" is one-sided. They only "need" you there because they haven't made appropriate child-care arrangements. You have no need to be there. The absolute gall of dad saying that you and brother "could be better about this". You first, dad.
    via u/CandylandCanada
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    BTW, she isn't your step-mother and never will be. That is not a designation that exists in law; there is no legal term to describe the person who marries a parent. It's an honorific that that the child bestows if and when the relationship develops to that point. If dad and his wife continue to badger you about this then throw that little nugget out and watch them full-on lose their minds.
    via u/CandylandCanada

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family drama babysitter teenager brother teenagers siblings stepmom babysitting dad family sibling mom son half siblings stepson brothers Father
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