Mom bans her 6-year-old son's friend from coming over for play dates because the friend is still not fully potty trained: 'He told me he needs me to wipe'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 27, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

A lot can go wrong during a play date. Heck, even a little going wrong can be grounds for never having another play date with that kid again. When I was in 1st grade, one of my classmates, Jayden, came over, and it was a memorable afternoon. She snuck into my little sister's bedroom (who was only five at the time) and stole money out of her piggy bank. If that wasn't enough, she also wanted to take some of our play clothes home with her. You might be thinking that this girl came from a financially insecure background, but that couldn't be further from the truth. When I went over to her house, I thought it was an office building because it was so big. They had a movie theater inside their house! It wasn't Jayden's fault that she was taught to value money so much, but that doesn't mean that we had to let her back into our house. 

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  • Similar to Jayden, the kid in this story is not getting invited back to the playdate for something out of his control. His mom has not given him the tools to take care of himself while using the restroom properly, and now he's going to suffer socially for it. Luckily, he still has a friend, the other boy in the story, despite knowing about his problem. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10498445568
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Am I overreacting for banning my son’s friend from any more play dates after I had to help him wipe?

    For some context my youngest is 6 years old. He's potty trained and I've always taught him, and my other kids when they were younger, how to wipe and take care of toilet time themselves. All of my kids knew how to use the bathroom properly by aged 4 (accidents did still happen but that's just standard)
    via u/little-peach1234
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    My son recently made a new friend (also 6) at his school. He seems to be a new addition to his class as my son tells me he's not been there before and I've also not seen the child before up until a few weeks ago. Yesterday at pick up my son and his new friend run up to me to ask if he can come over for dinner. I'm a
    via u/little-peach1234
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    firm believer in meeting the parent/s first to discuss anything important like allergies, health issues and also just because it should be the standard to at least know a little about the parents. Before I could actually get a yes or a no out, the boys mum comes over and says she'll come and pick him up at 7. This put me on
    via u/little-peach1234
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    Cheezburger Image 10498455808
    via Jordan González (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    the spot so I said that's fine even though it felt a little weird that she didn't seem concerned about who her child was going off with. We exchanged numbers and I took the boys back to ours.
    via u/little-peach1234
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    About an hour in I hear my son's friend calling for some help while he was in the bathroom. He told me he's done his and needs | me to wipe. Honestly I was taken back because my own son knows how to do this and I wasn't made aware by the boys mum that he didn't know how to wipe yet. I also just felt uncomfortable with it since I wouldn't want a stranger
    via u/little-peach1234
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    wiping my child so I didn't want to be doing that to someone else's child who I hardly even know. (It just felt morally wrong to be doing that without explicit permission from a parent) I tried to talk him through it with the door closed which took a while but finally it all seemed fine and he came out.
    via u/little-peach1234
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    Cheezburger Image 10498456064
    via Yevhenii Deshko (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    7pm rolls around and finally his mum comes to pick him up. I explained the situation to her as nice as possible and said that respectfully until her son knows how to wipe himself he shouldn't be going to play dates and that until then he can no longer come over. She didn't say anything and
    via u/little-peach1234
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    left pretty abruptly. Later on I got a message from her saying I was wrong to not have helped as now he had all over his backside which is why I should have "helped" I explained again that I wasn't comfortable doing that with someone else's child especially when I wasn't notified about it beforehand. She called
    via u/little-peach1234
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    me petty and cruel for leaving. him like that and said I was massively overreacting. I feel bad for leaving the child like that, although I didn't know he was covered in and definitely wasn't going to check if he had wiped properly. But I also feel as though my reasoning was valid.
    via u/little-peach1234
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    EDIT: I want to add some detail since there there's a lot of assumptions. 1) I didn't intentionally leave him with on his backside, he told me he was done and I wasn't about to check if that was the truth. 2) no
    via u/little-peach1234
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    one was humiliated, the boys were still playing when mum came to pick him up and I quietly told her what had happened, the boy did not hear and my son also wasn't aware of the situation. 3) they are still friends at school so none of them have lost a friend, I simply do not want the other boy to be at my house until he can wipe and for obvious reasons my
    via u/little-peach1234
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    son won't be going to his house and they both seem happy with that. 4) if it was my husband who had been asked to wipe the boy would he be expected to as well? I have a feeling if I was a man in this situation no one would have wanted me to help wipe the child.
    via u/little-peach1234
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    ANOTHER EDIT!!!: I've just got back from school pick up and another mum came over while in the car park and asked how the play date went. I didn't share the story but the first thing she asked was if there was any toilet issues! I didn't want to make light of the situation so I said no but she'd told me that before half term the same boy had been to their home
    via u/little-peach1234
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    and had the exact same issue | did. She told me her son went into the bathroom with him to demonstrate and checked he was fine so this isn't the first time this has happened and obviously the mum is very aware. I didn't mention it and said all was fine because I don't want that information being shared but clearly it's an issue that needs addressing and I was not a "one off" case.
    via u/little-peach1234
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    gdtestqueen NOR. I would not be comfortable doing this for a child this day in age, nor would I ever ask another person to do this for my child without first warning them and finding out if it's an issue. If the child has a d that is another issue, but I have never known for the parents to be so blasé about
    via u/gdtestqueen
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    it. Most parents with d children will make sure anyone watching them gets a full rundown on what to do. I still can't get over just letting the kid go to your place without talking with you more. That's something I haven't seen or heard of since the 80s/90s.
    via u/gdtestqueen
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    Fearless-North-9057 Some parents don't care. Working in education you learn fast there's parents who honestly don't care about their kids. They walk off and leave little ones trailing behind to cross main roads, you try discuss issues and they don't want to listen etc
    via u/Fearless-North-9057
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    little-peach1234 OP This is what threw me. She never met me we spoke for 20 seconds. For all she knew I could be an absolute creep or have a creep of a husband. Luckily neither are the case but if this was someone else it could have been very bad
    via u/little-peach1234
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    B4LORCLUB Kid doesn't know how to wipe and Mum happy to offload to a stranger are two immediate red flags. You did the right thing.
    via u/B4L0RCLUB
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    letuswatchtvinpeace I doubt he was covered in , you definitely would have noticed. He probably had some runs and she blew it out of proportion. ΝΤΑ She should him fully independent by age 6
    via u/letuswatchtvinpeace
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    little-peach1234 OP This is what I'm wondering. I believe he may have had a few skid marks but he told me he was done wiping and I kept an eye on him and he didn't seem fidgety or uncomfortable so I assumed he managed to sort it
    via u/little-peach1234
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    wintermute_13 Does he expect teachers to wipe him too?
    via u/wintermute_13
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    Inevitable_Stress580 My school requires children to wipe themselves or they can not be enrolled. And that starts with pre-k when they're 4. A 6 year old should be able to execute that skill on their own, and know how to clean themselves up if they make a mess. I mean, my 5 year old even cleans the toilet if he makes a mess not just himself. She's a lazy mom.
    via u/Inevitable_Stress580
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    little-peach1234 OP I did ask my son and he said a school nurse will go in to help him so not any of the teachers but still not great. I feel for the boy but I would never expect anyone to wipe my children no matter the age
    via u/little-peach1234

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