Husband secretly supports his mother with 50% of his salary, then begs her best friend not to tell her when they find out the truth, drama ensues: ‘He needs to come clean’

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
May 9, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

We love moms. I love my mother and you might love your mother, but when it comes to familial generosity, a provider has to keep in mind their immediate family as well. A spouse is your partner in life and deserves to be privy to sensitive financial information, especially when you've been hiding for months that you're paying 100% of your mom's bills (bless her heart), while struggling to pay your own. 

There's nothing noble about going bankrupt because of your overzealous generosity. While mothers everywhere deserve the whole world, sometimes we can't afford to give it to them. This man in our next story loves his mother dearly, and after a long stint of being unemployed, he finally found a job with his wife's best friend's cousin. Glad for the financial relief, his wife was still confused and peeved that their statements were still in the red every month. Where could that money be going? 

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  • Well, although his intentions were far from nefarious, this man's secret loyalty to his mother caused a widening deception in his own household with his wife. Keep scrolling to read the entire tale of misplaced generosity that cost more than 50% of a guy's incoming salary, and caused widespread drama that extended beyond the family bounds.

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    via SusanGaryPhotography

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for hiding my friend’s husband real salary?"

    This has been weighing on me. A close friend's husband was unemployed but got a job a few months ago at my cousin's company. I had no part in getting him the job, but he called me
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  • after starting and asked me not to tell his wife (my friend) what his real salary is. He assumed I knew because his boss is my cousin and told me the actual figure.. whichis much higher than what he told her.
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  • He said he sends a large portion to his mother, which causes fights with his wife, so he downplayed his income. I was uncomfortable but chose not to get involved.
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    via aldomurillo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Now, the problem is...my friend constantly vents to me about how little her husband earns and how frustrated she is that they can barely get by. She even asked if I could talk to my cousin about getting him a raise. Recently,
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  • she told me half his salary goes to his mom and the rest isn't even 25% covering of their expenses. That made me wondeer if she thinks he's giving half away and seems to be ok with..then maybe the real issue isn't what he claimed? Is he lying to both of us?
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  • I feel stuck. Should I tell her the truth? Or stay out of it? PS they're not from a country with government support, so his mom really relies on her kids for medication and daily needs.
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  • ulalumelenore ⚫ INFO: did he tell you his salary, or just assume you knew due to your cousin? If he told you, that's one story. On the other hand, if you really do know due to your job/ cousin, that's information you shouldn't spread.
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  • I think your best bet is to encourage your friend to look deeper herself. Phrase it as "You should work out a budget. Look at his pay stubs and figure out how
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  • much he's making on a weekly basis and work it out. I don't think he's in the wrong for sending his mom some money, but figure out how to work it into your household budget."
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  • Antiquelaser OP. My cousin would never expose the salary of his employees. He is a very discrete and professional type of employer. He is the one who called and told me the exact amount, which I didn't want to know or even asked for... I did tell him that I had no idea what he is getting
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  • paid and it's none of my business. I think he wasn't buying that I didn't know and maybe believed I was just trying to cover for my cousin.. like to not expose his lack of professionalism. So he was concerned that his wife might ever mention his salary and I would
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  • tell her that it is an other amount... I did tell him that I feel very uncomfortable about this, but he begged me to not mention anything about it because his mother needs him more than ever and he cant turn his back on her.... At the same time they were going through a rough patch in
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  • their marriage and things are finally getting better between them, so he said he knows this will create big problems again which he is trying to avoid. Ofcourse my first instinct was to go and tell her, but at the same time I don't want to cause her more misery and being the cause of marital issues.
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  • Shdfx1. Your friend's husband is deceiving his wife, draining marital assets without her consent, and has dragged you in as an accomplice. You were never entitled to know his salary. Your cousin would never have told you, if he is ethical. Your friend's husband told you on his own.
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  • Your friend will be doubly betrayed when she finds out both her husband and her friend deceived her. Your friend needs to make an informed decision as to whether to continue this marriage. Her husband
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  • would rather lie to her, than work out a budget to help his mother that they can afford, and agree on. I saw your comment that his mother lives in a country with no assistance, so the elderly rely solely on their children and relatives.
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  • Her husband is financially plowing them into the ground. If they had a healthy marriage, they would wrestle together with this problem. If there are other children, then mutual support should be
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  • determined. They should come up with solutions, which might include his mother moving in with them. They should verify that no assistance really is available, because most countries have at least something.
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  • There are international charities that help cover shortfalls, like HelpAge Tanzania, for example. There may be help, somewhere, as in charities. Do not betray your friend. Your loyalty is to her, not this dishonest man.
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  • Tell her everything you know. She needs to evaluate the health of her marriage. Edited to add YTA if you keep this secret from your friend, just because her deceitful husband told you to.
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  • turquoise_turtle83 Maybe tell him its a too heavy burden for you to hide this and he needs to come clean to his wife. Its better if it comes from him and obviously he should be honest to his wife and he shouldnt involvering others in his lies.
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  • Howellsyoudoin ⚫ Personally if it was a close friend who's venting that they're struggling, I would tell them. However I would first talk to him and tell him that you're not comfortable keeping it a secret and give him a chance to come clean himself. If she finds out you knew about it, she's going to be mad at you too, rightfully so.
    via Howellsyoudoin

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