14-year-old cries when his parents and older siblings speak only in Mandarin when he can barely understand it: 'I told my mom that she is mocking me for not knowing how to speak our native language'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 11, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's a truth universally acknowledged that language immersion works. If you drop somebody into the French countryside to be a scullery maid for a family who talks a lot, they will probably be fluent in French within the next few years. It wouldn't work if you know no French and are barely exposed to real French conversations, but if you've got a couple of hundred words in your repertoire and are actively engaging in conversation, whether you understand it or not, you might be dreaming in French sooner than you'd think. 

The hard part about language immersion is the feeling of inadequacy and exclusion. It's not easy to never really hear your native language and constantly try to keep up with speakers of a foreign language who constantly talk fast and use slang. One teenager whose parents were trying to help him with language immersion felt this exact frustration, leading to a big family fight. 

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  • 01

    AITA for crying when my entire family started to speak a language I barely know?

    So I'm a 14 year old guy and my parents are from Taiwan their native language is Mandarin. My older sister(19F) and older brother(17M) both speak it pretty much fluently. Well by the time I came around and was like old enough to actually learn stuff my
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  • 02
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    family rarely spoke our native language. Due to that I barely speak it, my mom said I barely compare to a toddler in the language so she signed me up for online Mandarin lessons that I'm starting this week.
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  • 05
    Today when I came home from school my sister was the only one home and greeted me in Mandarin and started speaking to me in it, I asked her why in English and she told me in English that our parents want everyone to speak more Mandarin around the house. I just
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 06
    started to have a lot of anxiety because of it and tonight at dinner everyone was speaking Mandarin and I can't really pick up on most of it, I understand enough to like kind of understand what's happening in the conversation but barely and sometimes I get lost. Then my
    via u/O0OwE3E
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    brother turns to me and asked me a question in Mandarin and I just didn't understand a single word of it and I started to cry. I told my mom that she is bu ying me for not knowing how to speak our native language and she even agreed that it's her fault and I don't get why she's doing this to me. My sister then said in English
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 09
    "see i told you something like this would happen" to my mom. My mom then got mad and said that learning this is important and she isn't going to let me crying about it stop her from making me learn it.
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 10
    CrimsonKnight_004 I'm not going to say you're an AH, but I do think you completely misunderstood your mother's intentions here. She wasn't bu ying you, she was trying to immerse you in the language so you can more quickly learn. When learning a language, it's always best to be immersed in it as much as possible (some people suggest spending a lot of time watching TV/movies or listening to music in the desired language) and she was likely just trying to give you a head start by encouraging everyo
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 11
    Have a talk with your mom. Explain that you misunderstood, and would like to maybe set times that are "Mandarin times" (times when everyone speaks Mandatin so you can be immersed), and times when you really want/need to be heard and understood in the moment. NAH - Your feelings of being left out are valid and you aren't an AH for crying or anything. Be honest about the misunderstanding so everyone can come to an understanding. Wishing the best for you!
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  • 12
    EDIT: I did add this in a comment somewhere else in this thread, but I do want to point out that everyone saying that she should've had a conversation with OP about this is absolutely correct. She should have, and OP being suddenly thrust into this would of course be a shock. I think she messed up and misjudged here, which as the parent, she absolutely needs to do better with that. I also don't see her as an AH here, I think it was good intentions poorly executed and that there is definitely roo
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 13
    Trespassingw set times that are "Mandarin times" (times when everyone speaks Mandatin so you can be immersed), and times when you really want/need to be heard and understood in the moment. This is great idea, so OP can learn Mandarin and still have time for some important talks using comfortable way of communication.
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  • 14
    beep beep_crunch He didn't misunderstand. If the person didn't volunteer for it, it's not a nice thing to do (to put it mildly). NTA.
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  • 15
    FrenchPagan OP is NTA. The mom's definitely the ah le here. There's no question. Fistly, the whole situation is the parents fault, 100%. Signing them up for a course is a good idea but the process of learning the language will be way harder and tedious than if they had just learned it naturally as a child. OP wasted years and the mom just now realised her mistake.
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  • 16
    Secondly immersion in a language only works when you have a certain level that OP obviously doesn't have. Immersion doesn't work if you cannot understand what's being said. Not to mention that when you are a new speaker, and you can actually understand some of what is being said it's absolutely exhausting to be exposed to it several hours per day. Having you family speak to you all day in a language you don't speak is horrendous, time speaking the language should be limited. This is not the way
    via u/FrenchPagan
  • 17
    Thirdly, mom is punishing OP for her misakes. I assume she has good intentions but she's isolating OP in their own house and creating a very stressful environment for them. Then, everything is wrong with her approach. There is nothing comendable about it. She ambushed OP, didn't tell them about her plan and surprised them with it some random day. She should have talked about it. Having family members who talk the language and having conversation wih them is absolutely a great way to learn. Howev
    via u/FrenchPagan
  • 18
    KrofftSurvivor NTA - she doesn't get to make up for years of failing to expose you to a language by forcing you into a situation where everyone is refusing to speak to you in a language you understand. Immersion is not a bad way to learn a language, but she's going about it all wrong.
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  • 19
    squuidlees Absolutely agree. They all should've started as soon as op was a fresh baby. All the other comments saying, "well at least they're having op start now" is bogus; and does not make up for how op feels. It is a language he should've learned growing up. I'm an international adoptee (to parent of another race) and do not know my native language. I can imagine, while mine an op's
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  • 20
    situations are obviously not the same, the feeling of being so behind and therefore an imposter within what supposed to be our own cultures is not good. We can take all the language classes we want now, but it will never make up for us not learning our native languages at the early ages where our brains are sponges. NTA, I'm really sorry and sending you my thoughts, OP.
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  • 21
    dirtyphoenix54 My mom was in a similar place. Adopted by an American family when she was eight. She still can speak her native language but never does, because she literally speaks like a child and some native speakers were cruel to her when she was younger.
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  • 22
    Plumbus-aficianado NAH - Learning immersion style is hard at first. Accept that it will be difficult and just jump in and keep trying without embarrassment because your ignorance is not your fault. Stop them and ask when you don't understand what they said. Work at it and fluency will be hugely valuable for you. When you learned to walk you didn't just start out walking. You fell down a lot. You didn't quit then, even if it made you cry.
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  • 23
    BluePandaYellowPanda NTA. This is solid proof that just because someone speaks a language, doesn't mean they're a good teacher. I remember trying to learn German, I asked a colleague to practice and she spoke so fast, using complicated words, it was horrible. I told her I'm still a beginner and needed her to slow down and we can talk about easy things, and she said "no, that's not how Germans talk" and that pretty much ended my German learning adventure. I'll add, your native language is Englis
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  • 24
    chronicsickbitch Right. Native/fluent speakers speak quickly and tend to use slang. That's hard to follow. Plus, Mandarin is considered to be one of the hardest languages to learn, for native English speakers in particular.
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    It doesn't matter your ethnicity or background: you only have one native language, and it's the language you acquire fluency in 1st. You can have native equivalency if you grew up speaking more than one language before age 5, but fluency in a language does not equal native speaking. 

  • 25
    Having-hope3594 NTA your family needs to wait until you have several months of your online classes and practice to even begin to expect you to have any ability to converse. It's not your fault they did not speak Mandarin around you growing up.
    via u/Having-hope3594

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family drama languages asian teenager brother teenagers siblings Taiwan language mandarin raising teens foreign language dad family sibling mom
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