19 and 20-year-old bio sisters abandon their 9-year-old stepsister, mom gets tough love from her sister about it: “If you hadn’t lied to your daughter, then maybe she wouldn’t be hurting”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 18, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Hey there ladies and gentlemen of the internet. When it comes to family life, there's a certain level of compassion, softness, and empathy that needs to be the first and foremost reaction to any situation with your children. Children are delicate, and being harsh with them at a young age will only make them recoil into themselves, or lash out in ways that won't help them as adults. There's no formula for being the best parent, and there's not even a decent way to gauge how you're doing as a parent. When your kids are young, they probably either hate your guts, or they love you so much and so blindly. If only there was an objective way to measure how one's doing as a parent that isn't reliant on human flaws or their opinions. Like a questionnaire for children and parents. Entrepreneurs of the world, here's your next app idea. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman who had to deliver some harsh love and parenting advice to her sister. Her sister has a 9-year-old daughter, and two older adult stepdaughters. She was under the delusion that her stepchildren would take her 9-year-old under their wing and play older sisters. Well, the mom was in for a wake up call when her stepdaughters didn't want to have anything to do with their decade younger stepsister. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my sister if she hadn't lied to her daughter then her daughter wouldn't be hurting?

    Cheezburger Image 10506808832
    via Deepak Sethi from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    This happened Saturday when my family were gathered for a pre- Mother's Day dinner. My sister was complaining about her husband's two kids (19 and 20) and how her daughter (9) was heartbroken that neither stepsibling would give her the time of day, let alone. acknowledge her as a sister. She
    via u/SilentSwarmin

  • Think about a world in which we could actually test our parenting abilities in real time. It obviously can't be through asking a child or adolescent how they feel about their parent, but it could be through some sort of series of questions on how they're treated, raised, or what their attachment styles are like. 

  • 03
    told me, my mom and our other two sisters that her daughter had so much excitement to have older siblings and it was crushed and her daughter was a shell of the kid she was.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 04
    My mom suggested getting her in to see a child psychologist and maybe explaining that they aren't actual siblings and how that might help. My sister told her she would do no such thing, that they are real siblings because they are blended through marriage and not accepting that is of the kids. on the part
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10506809344
    via Marta Nogueira from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    I told my sister if she hadn't lied to her daughter for more than a year then maybe her daughter wouldn't be hurting today. My sister went the route of who asked you and my mom and sisters said she was venting to us and we were trying to help. And that ultimately I was
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 07
    correct. Mom said there could be some sadness but not like my niece feels right now. My sister said I was being a judgmental bich.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 08
    For those wondering the background. My sister was a single mom to her daughter for 5 years when she met her husband. Her husband had lost his wife 18 months previous to that. They dated for more than a year before my sister decided she wanted to
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 09
    meet his kids and see how they'd take to blending families. She told everyone at the time she didn't want to bring her daughter into a family that wouldn't embrace her. Her husband's kids were extremely angry that their dad was dating and with someone else. They hated my sister and refused to even talk to
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 10
    her. My sister decided there was hope and she told her daughter she was seeing someone and he had kids and she'd have an older brother and sister and they'd be a family. How her siblings were almost grown but that meant sleepovers and they'd drive her places and be able to bring her to do cool stuff. She was told over and
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 11
    over by my sister that these two would adore her. This went on for several months before everyone met and moved in together and then my sister married her husband.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 12
    Her husband's kids did not want to know my niece and they rejected any kind of relationship and moved out as soon as they possibly could. She lived with them for a small period of time. But she had hopes and she got attached despite them wanting nothing to do with her.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 13
    Now she's feeling that rejection and she's withdrawn, she cries a lot and she has asked almost everyone why her brother and sister didn't want her and how she always wanted a sibling. It's been over a year and this is still upsetting her.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 14
    She hears her stepdad talk to his kids and they never want to speak to her. He tried to bring her along to spend time with his kids and his kids left the second they saw she brought them. He stopped that once he realized it was making things worse. But my sister has decided it's all her husband's kids'
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 15
    fault and how could they do that when her daughter is their sister now whether they like it or not. She ignores the fact she met them to see how they'd take it, saw they didn't want the situation and still promised her daughter siblings.
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 16
    Back to Saturday and my sister left with her husband and daughter because she was mad at us. She told me I only tried to make her feel like sh and it wasn't helpful. And she said I owe her the biggest apology for blaming her for any of this. AITA?
    via u/SilentSwarmin
  • 17
    Great Art2493 • 17h ago NTA, you are exactly right, she shouldn't have got her daughters hopes up, she's delusional for thinking that would ever work with teenagers that just lost their mom.
    via u/Great Art2493
  • 18
    Big_Insurance_3601 • 17h ago Your sister LITERALLY saw how angry the kids were at their dad dating, and she took that as acceptance?! Smh she's the one who needs therapy!!!
    via u/Big_Insurance_3601
  • 19
    NTA!!!! Your sister is more concerned about her needs than her child's clearly.
    via u/Big_Insurance_3601
  • 20
    Illustrious_Leek8751 • 17h ago She lied (yes, lied) to her child about what to expect from a blended family. She used wishful thinking instead of actually responding to how the stepkids felt. She ignored warning signs and prioritized
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751
  • 21
    her desire for a picture-perfect family over what was realistic. And now that the child is suffering, she refuses to admit her role and doubles down on the narrative that it's everyone else's fault.
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751
  • 22
    theworldisonfire8377 • 17h ago NTA, and your sister's inability to be realistic is what got her in this mess in the first place, not you. You are absolutely right, she set her daughter up for disappointment and feeling rejected by painting a false picture of what life as a "blended" family is like.
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751
  • 23
    If your sister isn't willing to take her daughter to therapy, or to admit that she made a mistake, the only thing you and your family can do is try to support the daughter as much as you can, make sure she knows that she didn't do anything to cause them to not
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751
  • 24
    want to get to know her and that none of the issues are her fault, and keep trying to get through to her mother/your sister.
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751
  • 25
    I feel so badly for your niece, it's not her fault her mother is living in a fantasyland, but she's the one getting hurt. Your sister is doing her daughter a great disservice by not admitting she was wrong.
    via u/Illustrious_Leek8751

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