Mom lets ex-husband move into her new home to co-parent their 10-year-old daughter, her current boyfriend refuses to contribute to mortgage after he starts to feel like a 3rd wheel: “[You're] a convenient ATM"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 21, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Something a little strange about me is that I love being a third wheel. I don't always enjoy it, but if my friend invites me to hang out with her and her boyfriend, I'll always agree. I love getting to know my friends' partners more and seeing them interact and be happy together. The best part is that if I get tired of talking or socializing, I know I can just go nonverbal and listen to the pair chit chat like a podcast. 

Of course, there are times where being the odd one out is not ideal, such as in a three person friend group or in your own monogamous relationship. In our story today, our protagonist starts to feel like a third wheel when his girlfriend allows her ex-husband to start living at her new house in order to co-parent their 10-year-old daughter. Shockingly, this dynamic does not motivate our protagonist to continue paying for her mortgage. Thankfully, netizens spell out the reality for him in the comments section. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not contributing to my girlfriend's mortgage or moving back in?

    Cheezburger Image 10507417856
    via studioroman

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Last year, my girlfriend bought a house and I moved in with her. She has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Things were going well at first, and I was happy to contribute to the household even
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 03
    though my name wasn't on the mortgage. We didn't add me to the deed because my credit was poor at the time, and I already owned a home that I rent out.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10507418112
    via GeorgeRudy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    The mortgage on her house is around $5,000 per month. I was contributing $2,000 monthly, which was the most I could afford due to loans, credit card debt, and other financial responsibilities.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 06
    A few months in, she told me she was going to let her ex (her daughter's father) move in to help with co-parenting. I wasn't excited about the idea, but I tried to be understanding since I know how important stability is for their daughter.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 07
    Over time, though, it became clear that her ex still had feelings for her. He was overly familiar and acted like he was still part of the relationship. It made me very uncomfortable and I started to feel like a third
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 08
    wheel in the home. She doesn't want to kick out her ex because he helps a lot with their daughter. After a while, I decided to move out for my own mental and emotional well-being.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 09
    Now, my girlfriend is upset that I won't move back in or continue contributing to the mortgage. I've told her that I'm not comfortable living in the same house as her ex, and that I don't feel it's fair to keep financially supporting a property I don't have any ownership in, especially under these circumstances.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 10
    I care about her and her daughter, but I also need to look after my own financial and emotional health. AITA?
    via u/hoypinoy626

  • This man has no reason to contribute to the mortgage whatsoever; honestly, he has no reason to remain in this relationship at all!

  • 11
    MORTGAGE SECTION AERSONAL INFORM MO [་ MODE x los a% hyp sin --->) B 9 C 5 6 X 2 3 EXP
    via c-George

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    CryptographerPure301 Sooooo....what you are saying is that she moves her ex in without having him contribute to the morgage as rent? If he lives there, he can pay the 2 grand. Her wanting you to pay up after moving out, is not you being an afterthought... it is you being the "sugardaddy".
    via u/CryptographerPure301
  • 13
    hoypinoy626 OP Her ex is contributing as well, though I don't really know how much. She claims he's putting in more than me.
    via u/hoypinoy626
  • 14
    Vegetable-Purpose-27 So, you pay $2k, and he pays $3k, maybe, for her mortgage and her property?!? That's a sweet deal for her. Edit: NTA
    via u/Vegetable-Purpose-27
  • 15
    bellsleelo This. They're playing happy family, and OP's a convenient ATM. NTA
    via u/bellsleelo
  • 16
    10 0
    via Lifestock

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  • 17
    Witty-Lead-4166 NTA but you are a chump. Girlfriend has her ex move back in, that alone is enough to break up. That she wants you to move back in but not kick her ex out tells me that they're using you.
    via u/Witty-Lead-4166
  • 18
    Get over your emotions for her and her kid. You don't want to walk another day down this path. It only leads to heartbreak for you.
    via u/Witty-Lead-4166

  • I hope that our protagonist takes these comments seriously. Maybe he didn't realize that he was being taken advantage of in the moment, but having it all written out like this makes the situation very clear. 


     

  • 19
    JustKinda Happenedxx Right? She's using OP to help pay her mortgage. Maybe even using her ex too. Either way, she has no respect for Op and I wonder if she actually even likes him, or just how gullible he is.
    via u/JustKindaHappenedxx
  • 20
    Silver Tattoos NTA, I'm amazed you stayed as long as you did. Separated parents can coparent apart, they just need to communicate - living together like that is juts a bad idea.
    via u/SilverTattoos
  • 21
    okayhere21 You're NTA but you are being played like a fool. Come on, she had her ex move back in. Don't let love fool you and open your eyes. End this before you get any deeper in.
    via u/okayhere21
  • 22
    ToastetteEgg NTA. Baby daddy can pay her $2k a month. She has a lot of nerve expecting you to live in a household of 4 while paying 40% of the bills. She's using you.
    via u/ToastetteEgg
  • 23
    marquisdetwain Moving in the ex is wild and demonstrates a complete disregard for your "relationship." I'm sorry if you were close to the daughter, but consider this a nuke dodged for the most part.
    via u/marquisdetwain
  • 24
    UnluckyCardiologist9 I'm laughing over here. Homie was just a tenant with benefits.
    via u/UnluckyCardiologist9

Tags

boyfriend relationship advice AITAH homeowner relationships girlfriend mortgage couples exes breakup red flag Reddit raising kids money relationship drama entitled people
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