25-year-old grad school graduate leaves his sister and brother-in-law’s camera-filled Los Angeles home after brother-in-law calls him ungrateful for blocking the indoor security system with a toy for privacy on a date: ‘I just wanted a little dignity’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
May 23, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

There's nothing like a little post-grad American Dream-land in LA, shack up with your generous, high-earning sister and brother-in-law, and discover your new "home" is less homey Airbnb and more Big Brother's home. 

Sure, someone letting you live with them deserves gratitude, but apparently, in this house, you have to stay grateful while living under the loving gaze of enough surveillance to make the NSA jealous. Smile and wave, dude. Smile and wave.

Need a glass of water? Camera. Craving a midnight snack? Camera. Breathing wrong in the direction of the kitchen? That's another app alert. Smile, Wave! You're on Candid Family.

On paper, it's a sweet deal: free rent, room of your own, and only a few million pixels worth of eyes monitoring your every move. Just don't expect to bring a date home without triggering full lockdown and full meltdown. Cover a camera to make someone comfortable in the kitchen? Get a text, full name and all, about how you've insulted the sacred shrine of Ring doorbells and motion sensors. The message is clear and the underlying message is clearer: Privacy is for people who sign the mortgage. Guests, even when they're family, must enjoy their public existence with a side of digital scrutiny.

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  • "WITA for wanting privacy and deciding to move out of my sister and brother-in-law’s house after a camera incident?"

    "I see you covered the camera. If you want privacy, go out. Not in my house" BESZERES
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I (25M) moved to LA to live with my sister (29F) and brother-in-law (31M) after graduating from grad school. We are originally from
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  • Egypt, and they kindly took me in while I looked for a job. I've been living with them for 11 months now, and I'm very grateful.
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  • Four months ago, I got my first job earning $80K/year. I offered to start paying rent, but my BIL (who earns $350K combined with my sister, and I do their taxes)
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  • told me to save up and pay down my student loans instead — that my money was better spent helping myself get settled.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • They recently bought a $750K house. It's beautiful, and I have my own room upstairs. But the house has a very extensive security system - cameras in
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  • every shared space (kitchen, living room), motion sensors, and app notifications for every door and appliance used.
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  • I didn't love it, but I respected their home and rules. However, they regularly watch the camera footage even when I'm home alone. I've mentioned how it makes me uncomfortable, but they brushed it off.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Last week, my BIL was away and my sister was on a girls' trip. I had a date planned - nothing major, just a food truck night. It started raining, so we came back to the house. I cooked us dinner, we
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  • cleaned up, and had a quiet evening. My date noticed the blinking camera in the kitchen and felt uncomfortable. Wanting her to feel at ease, I placed a toy in front of it. We just ate and talked.
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  • Later that night, I got a harsh text from my BIL:
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  • "My full name, I see you covered the camera. If you want privacy, go out. Not in my house. There is a limit for everything — don't cross it. You are a guest. Be like one."*
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  • That really stung. Especially considering a month ago I scrubbed their trash bins and cleared their clogged sink without being asked just to help out.
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  • I apologized and removed the toy. My sister texted me saying my BIL just lashed out and didn't mean it. But when she came back, she told me in the car that it was all my fault and I was responsible for everything.
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  • So I told them I would move out. Until then, I'll pay rent and take care of my own food. Now they're calling me selfish and an ah le for "turning on family" and "being ungrateful."
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  • It really hurts. They're the only family I have here. I never disrespected their space or took advantage of them. I just wanted a little privacy and dignity.
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  • AITA? ****** The MOD from AITA deleted my post ****** So i just reposted here. If anyone has seen this previously.
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  • Dave 1957a NTA, being a guest doesn't mean having no privacy at all, and your BIL going mad because he couldn't " watch the show" is just outright sick. Get your own place fast.
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  • Low Temperature Oh boy. Well NTA, first of all. I'm very sorry this happened to you Your BIL sounds like a condescending, authoritarian . Has he demonstrated that in other ways?
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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