27-year-old boyfriend gets insecure that his 24-year-old girlfriend makes more money than him, lies about her career plans to his parents: 'It's just temporary until she can find something less demanding so we can start thinking about our future'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 20, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

I never understood why someone would feel insecure about their partner making more money than they do. I figure the more cash that you have as a couple, the better. I would never arbitrarily wish that my partner were doing worse off than me financially, because I want the best things for my partner. If they are only scraping by and solely relying on me for any financial stability, especially before we're married, that's a bad sign. 

A lot of insecurity about salaries within relationships comes down to gender problems. Miranda Hobbes knows it well: successful men often don't want to be with successful women because their independence threatens them. These men know these women don't need them for survival, so they buzz off and try to find a woman who needs them more to satisfy the idea of themselves as big, manly providers who are all but irreplaceable. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10507756800
    via Lia Bekyan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for exposing my boyfriend's lies about my career at his family dinner?

    I (24F) have been dating my bf (27M) for almost 2 years. Everything was great until 3 months ago when I got a promotion that basically doubled my salary. I'm now making way more than him, and I can tell it's been bothering him.
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 03
    Last week, we were at dinner with his college buddies and their gfs. Someone asked about my new job, and I was excitedly explaining it when my bf interrupted with "yeah she's making bank now, but I'll catch up soon, don't worry." Everyone laughed awkwardly.
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10507758080
    via Michael Tucker (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    Later that night, I confronted him about constantly bringing up how he'll "catch up" whenever my salary comes up. He admitted he feels emasculated that I make more than him, and asked if I could "tone down" talking about my job around his friends.
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 06
    I was stunned. I told him his insecurity wasn't my problem to manage and that I wasn't going to pretend to be less successful to protect his ego. He said I was being inconsiderate of his feelings and that "most women" would understand.
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 07
    Yesterday, we were invited to his parents' house for dinner. His mom asked about my promotion, and before I could answer, my bf jumped in saying "it's just temporary until she can find something less demanding so we can start thinking about our future."
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 08
    I literally spit out my drink and said "that's news to me" right there at the table. I then told his parents I had no plans to leave my dream job and that their son seemed to have an issue with my success.
    via u/Great_Management9823
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    11111 נוך
    via A F (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    The dinner got super awkward. Now he's blowing up my phone saying I humiliated him and that I should've waited to have that convo in private. His mom texted me saying I was harsh and that "men need to feel like providers." AITA for refusing to downplay my success to make my boyfriend feel better about himself?
    via u/Great_Management9823
  • 11
    Prestigious_Bit8423 NTA. Congratulations on your promotion girl!
    via u/Prestigious_Bit8423
  • 12
    Helpful_Librarian_87 And on being single.
    via u/Helpful_Librarian_87
  • 13
    JackyVeronica It's much better (and happier) to be single (I loved it) than to be with an insecure man who humiliates you in front of others!
    via u/JackyVeronica
  • 14
    Least-Designer7976 Promotions are often a once-in-a-lifetime offers. Relations can be come and go. You won't be sure your SO is the one for a long time, when you will mostly want the promotion ASAP. It's not a lot to ask your SO to put their ego aside for your promotion. If they're the right one, they will do it. My man got a big promotion and I'm hella thrilled for him.
    via u/Least-Designer7976
  • 15
    My former step-father told me that he refused a big opportunity for a girl and ended up not only resenting her, but understanding she was never the one to begin with and "just" a normal relation with a lot of flaws.
    via u/Least-Designer7976
  • 16
    fizzy_lime When I had to leave my last job due to co- workers sabotaging me behind the scenes, I felt trapped because I'd been regularly treated too "junior" to get a better position (even though they promoted people I'd trained). I started job searching and saw an opening in a well-known prestigious organization in the field, and I applied to it thinking "eh, it's not like they'll call me back but at least I can say I tried".
    via u/fizzy_lime
  • 17
    Not only did they call me back; they interviewed me with a couple of weeks, flew me (and my bf) down twice to tour the job and the city, and offered me a higher position with more pay and better hours. I freaked out when I got the offer in my email so I called my bf because I was so nervous (yay impostor syndrome!). The first words out of his mouth were "f yeah, that's my girl". He kept reassuring me that not only was I capable, but I'd been held back so long that I didn't see my potential. I di
    via u/fizzy_lime
  • 18
    Fun-Respect-104 NTA. You were defending yourself. Also, I don't get why he feels emasculated that his girlfriend earns more than him. But that's something HE needs to work on
    via u/Fun-Respect-104
  • 19
    TheOtherZebra Being "emasculated" isn't a real thing. If a man decides his self worth is based on being better than women, that's his problem. Not my job to cater to it.
    via u/TheOtherZebra
  • 20
    HMSWarspite03 Yep, my wife earns twice what I earn, I don't feel emasculated in the slightest.
    via u/HMSWarspite03
  • 21
    IrrelevantManatee .... I mean, it's pretty obvious that your are NTA. You bf seems to have this vision of your being a submissive wifey and he is the provider. That's clearly not what you want. The fact that he brings you down repetitively AND made decision about your future without even telling you is very concerning. It's time to have a nice, long talk about your future, before he tries to trap you into being a stay-at-home- mom
    via u/IrrelevantManatee
  • 22
    No-Sprinkles-9066 "The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage." -Trevor Noah
    via u/No-Sprinkles-9066
  • 23
    StillAmJennifer I have never understood that attitude. I know a matchmaker who deals with wealthy men, and they all seem to want a successful, independent woman... Who is willing to give it all up for them. Is this some sort of ego thing? It's just insane.
    via u/StillAmJennifer
  • 24
    swampmilkweed Yup. It's about power, control, entitlement. Dude didn't get all wealthy and powerful just so some woman could be EQUAL to him, the horrors!
    via u/swampmilkweed
  • 25
    notheretoargu3 NTAH. Just as you said, they are his insecurities. There was a couple of years after I got laid off that my wife was making significantly more than I was, like 2.5 times because I couldn't find a decent job for a while. Then I changed careers and got raise after raise, then got sniped by a union job. I now make more than twice as much per hour as I ever did before, with all the OT I want.
    via u/notheretoargu3
  • 26
    My wife never chided me or made me feel less than when she was providing the bulk of our income, but that was because we are and were a team, not competitors. Now she's proud of how much I make, and she still supports me in my career. Either his mentality needs to change or his relationship status will, because you deserve support, not strife.
    via u/notheretoargu3

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boyfriend long term relationship salary job work long term relationships relationships girlfriend career dinner partner money toxic relationship parents in laws mother in law
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