24-year-old college dropout constantly asking father for money gets tough love when he refuses unless she goes back to school: “I’m still figuring it out”

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    AITAH for always asking my daughter when she’s going back to schook every time she asked for money?

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    My daughter (24F) dropped out of college after 2 years and is now working as a barista. She moved in with her boyfriend after dropping out but they are having financial issues because he works as a server and their combined
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    income doesn't go very far here in Southern California. My daughter has asked me for financial help a few times the past year and whenever she did I would ask her when she is going back to school. At first she would
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    say she's still trying to figure it out but recently she blew up and told me and my wife that she is an adult and let her live her own life. I told her to go ahead and be an adult and stop asking us for money. That being an adult means taking responsibility. We haven't spoken since.
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    I know always asking her when she's going back to school created some pressure, but it wasn't like we were forcing her to go back to college and get a degree of our choosing. We would pay for her tuition and
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    living expenses like before as long as she goes back to college or go to a trade school so she can get a better paying job and be more financially stable. The situation is very frustrating for my wife and I because we both grew up poor in developing countries (different countries in Southeast
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    Asia) and our families struggled after immigrating to the US. My wife and I waited until we were in our 30's and financially stable before having kids so they didn't have to go through the struggles
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    we did. It feels like a slap in the face that she is wasting the opportunity to have an easier path we worked so hard to provide for her.
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    So AITAH for always asking my daughter when she's going back to schook every time she asked for money?
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    Affectionate Badge... • 7h ago No. It's your money so you ask as you seem fit.
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    If she doesn't like it, then she needs to do something about it. It sounds harsh but she won't understand with gentle parenting
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    Global_Ad6248 • 7h ago If she is an adult living her own life, she doesn't need her parents' money. It's perfectly reasonable for parents of healthy adult children to only provide financial support if said adult child is getting an education.
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    I am sorry that your daughter doesn't see the value of an education, especially after all your hard work. I think you should try to keep the door open for further communication, but
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    you certainly don't need to give her money if she's not getting an education. If she wants to be an adult who makes her own choices, she I can live with them.
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    Beneficial_Test_5917 7h ago "An adult living their own life" borrows from Main Street Bank, not Parents' Bank. :)))
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    Tec... 6h ago • Edited 6h ago NTA. My parents have always gone above and beyond, and from the minute I stepped out of their house I haven't asked them for a penny. And when my dad offered to help me back
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    when money was tight I only accepted it under the condition I would pay them back. My dad obvi didn't want to accept the $ back, so I planned a vacation for all of us and used the money he didn't allow me to pay
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    back to fully pay for their flights + all inclusive 7 day cruise vacation. Best decision I've always made, and best vacation we've ever had together as a family. Being an adult means pulling your own weight and
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    dealings with the consent of our choices. If she doesn't want to get a degree, fine, but she needs to learn how to live within her means with whatever unskilled job she is able to get with no degree. Having a parent willing to fund college is a luxury most people don't get. She'll
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    regret her dumb choices one day, just hope it's not too late to go back and catch up on time lost.
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    Awaythrowyouwilllll • 6h ago NTA but I don't think the approach is working. Have you spoken about why she dropped out? Does she know what she whats to do?

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