“He’s not our real grandson”: Grandparents start college fund for golden child grandson, but not their adopted grandson, he uninvites them from his graduation in retaliation

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 23, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Family can be rough. You can pick your friends, you can pick your partner, you can even pick your pet, but you just can't choose your family. They're ingrained into your life, and they're not going anywhere (probably). Just when you're having a great day, feeling good about your life, you get the dreaded call from your mother, and she's nagging you about you not getting enough sleep, and how you need to visit more often. Family has a genius way of poking and prodding us everywhere we don't want to be touched and triggered. They know all of our inner demons, they know how to make us upset, and they know how to cheer us up. They're like an alien that's been absolutely trained to be that kind of person to tear us down, and make us stand up. It's love hate relationship, and we all have someone in our families who pushes our buttons. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a teenager who overhears something he never wanted to know. He was adopted by his father when he was 5-years-old and has never met his bio dad. His grandparents start a college fund for his brother, but not for him because he's not their "real" grandson. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my dad's parents that I don't want them at my graduation when they said I wasn't their real grandson?

    "You have no ties to me"
    via Sengchoy Int / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    In November, my (18M) dad's parents and my mom got into an argument because they mentioned they said they decided to start a college fund for my brother (11M). It wasn't even brought up, they just decided to share it on their own. My mom was confused since they
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

  • We all have a different relationship with our grandparents, and some of us love them like they’re our real parents. I never really got close to my grandparents because they all lived very far away, but I know for some people that their grandparents played a critical role in their life. 

  • 03
    mentioned it out of the blue but thanked them. She asked them why they decided to make one now and why they brought it up.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 04
    They said something about wanting to do it for their grandson and making sure he's set so he doesn't have to worry about paying for college. My mom then asked if they had started one for me, and they said I wasn't their "real" grandson, so the answer was no and they didn't have one for me. They
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 05
    added something about how I'd "get something else" and accused my mom of expecting too much.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 06
    For context, my dad adopted me when I was 5. He started dating my mom when I was 2. I don't know my biological father personally, but I know of him. He d. d when I was 3, and my mom told me he wasn't a good person and was in and out of jail. My dad is the only dad I've ever known,
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 07
    and I always thought his parents accepted me. But hearing them basically say I wasn't their "real" grandson hurt. It wasn't even. about the money. It was the fact that I was excluded and realizing the only reason why was because I wasn't my dad's biological son.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 08
    The argument happened right in front of me and my brother. Just a few days before Thanksgiving. Since then, I've viewed my dad's parents differently and tried to keep my distance from them. They eventually apologized for saying I wasn't their real grandson, but only because my dad basically forced them to.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 09
    EDUCATION
    via ภาพของJd8 / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Over time I realized I didn't really care anymore, but I just loved them more than they loved me.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 11
    School is almost back in, and I take senior pictures soon. My dad's parents were over for Christmas, and my parents brought up me taking pictures. That led to my dad's parents talking about how excited they were to see me graduate and how they couldn't wait.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 12
    This confused me. It honestly did because a month ago they basically told me that I wasn't their real grandson and now they're excited to see their "grandson" graduate.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10484499200
    via skynesher from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    I told them that they weren't coming and that I didn't want them there. Of course, this shocked my parents and my dad's parents. They asked why, and I told them I remember them saying I wasn't their real grandson, so it doesn't make sense for them to want to come to my graduation when they have no ties to me.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 15
    My dad looked upset, and his parents were too. His parents basically said I should move on since they already apologized and meant no harm. I told them that when they apologized, it was only because my dad told them to. After that, it got awkward. This happened during Christmas, and I haven't seen them since. My dad
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 16
    told me they're hurt by what I said and that I should apologize and let them know I didn't mean it and that I'd still like them to come. I told him I meant what I said and that I don't want them there. It's not like I can stop them from coming anyway, but I'd prefer if they didn't since they have no reason to be there. He says their feelings are hurt.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 17
    It's honestly embarrassing to think they've been my grandparents my whole life, only to find out they didn't even think of me as their grandson. My mom says she agrees with me but thinks I should consider my dad's feelings since this puts him in a hard position and wants everyone to be "family." I'm not trying to
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 18
    hurt my dad, but I just don't want his parents at my graduation when I just found out they didn't accept me.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 19
    boomzgoesthed... NTA. The fact that they said that, never mind in front of you, is outrageous. There are consequences for actions and words, and they're upset they have to face them.
    via u/boomzgoesthedynamite
  • 20
    Astute_Primate NTA. *Your* feelings are hurt and your feelings are just as valid. Once you say something like that, you can't take it back no matter how much you wish you could.
    via u/Astute_Primate
  • 21
    225wpm8 NTA. They can't fix what they've done. Some things can't be unsaid
    via u/225wpm8
  • 22
    anonidfk NTA. Even if they try and pull the "we didn't mean it" card, I'd say "well, even if you say you didn't mean it, you only started a college fund for one of your grandkids and not the other, and actions speak louder than words"
    via u/anonidfk
  • 23
    and then I'd slip it that they shouldn't expect invites to any other major life events (future weddings, etc) either since those are for "real" family.
    via u/anonidfk

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