41-year-old personal trainer gets 3 years of alimony from his 38-year-old ex-wife after cheating on her for 2 years and fathering a child out of wedlock: ' I am forced to bankroll a child that only exists because he was a characterless man.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 22, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

There are a lot of benefits to no-fault divorce. Divorce rates have gone down in the US since no-fault divorce became the law of the land, despite the common cultural assumption that divorce rates are constantly climbing. History professor Stephanie Coontz said this in favor of no-fault divorce, and I'm inclined to agree with her:

"Once you permit the courts to determine when a person's desire to leave is legitimate, you open the way to arbitrary decisions about what is or should be tolerable in a relationship, made by people who have no stake in the actual lives being lived."

Of course, while a divorce might be no-fault in the eyes of the law, "irreconcilable differences" could mean any number of things. One partner could've cheated on the other partner, which would, in my opinion, make the divorce their fault. But moral fault does not always equal legal fault.

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  • The woman in this story is ostensibly being punished for having a prodigious career and getting cheated on. She and her ex-husband got a no-fault divorce, which necessitates that she pay him alimony for three years. The only problem is that he was the one who cheated on her, and he's using this money to pay for the child he fathered while cheating on her. He's getting child support by proxy. 

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10508098560
    via Silverius Trandafir

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for telling my sister I resent paying alimony to my ex, knowing he’s using it to indirectly support the child he had during our marriage?

    I (38F) divorced my ex-husband (41M) last year after discovering he had a two-year-long affair with a woman from his gym. We didn't have kids together and I am childfree. He had a baby on me about 2 years ago. I found out everything about affair, the baby.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 03
    He confessed after I caught a text on his Apple Watch while he was showering. It was from her, calling him "baby daddy." He said he just couldn't figure out "the right time" to tell me. Which apparently meant never unless I caught him.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 04
    We are divorced now Because I make more money (I work in tech and he's a personal trainer), I was ordered to pay him alimony for three years. Our state is no fault, and I didn't want to drag things out in court, so I didn't contest it. I just wanted to be free.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
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    Cheezburger Image 10508106752
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    He's still with the gym girl. But he hasn't moved in with her because as long as he keeps his own place and stays "technically" single, he gets to keep receiving alimony from me. If he moves in with her, the payments could be reevaluated or even cut off. So he's milking it.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 07
    He spends nights over there, plays house, posts cute little park day pics with her kid, and then retreats back to his little one- bedroom apartment that I'm essentially funding. He doesn't even technically pay child support
    via u/throwra-babyqy
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    C -
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    bec there's no court order because they're “together” but it's clear to me he's using the alimony to help support that whole setup. He even laughed in my face about it.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 10
    my money is helping him buy diapers, toys, and post cute baby content on Instagram. It makes me sick. I never wanted kids. Especially not his. And certainly not theirs. But here I am, forced to bankroll a child that only exists because he was a characterless man.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 11
    A few weeks ago, I was venting to my sister over wine, and I said something like, "Every time I send that check, it feels like I'm paying child support for his affair baby." She got stiff and told me that was "vindictive" thing to say. I think a part of my anger is misdirected at the baby, but most of it is on him.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 12
    I feel angry at how calculated this all feels. I'm left cleaning up a mess I didn't make while he gets to play dad in peace without any real financial consequences.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 13
    I don't see an innocent child I see proof that he got to have everything while I was left humiliated and still paying for it. And maybe part of me wants that kid to grow up knowing their cushy early years were courtesy of their dad's first wife.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 14
    Now I'm spiraling and I needed to get that off my chest with someone I trusted, and now I feel like a monster for even thinking it.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 15
    The hardest part is that I chose to be childfree to protect my peace and preserve the freedom to use my time and money on my terms. I have neither now, at least not for a fault of my own. I hate this. I'd rather pay for my own kid at this point. It feels like I'm being punished for not wanting to have his children when he wanted me to.
    via u/throwra-babyqy
  • 16
    PerspectiveKookie16 NTA Feeling resentful about paying alimony is understandable, especially when you think he is manipulating things to make sure the cash flows as long as possible.
    via u/PerspectiveKookie16
  • 17
    You're divorced & have no children that would extend him being involved in your life. Send the checks with a count down in the memo line - 36/36, 35/36, 34/36.... But you need to put up blinders about him - no checking his/their social media, no calls or texts, no talking if you run into him, tell mutual friends you need a complete blackout of info pertaining to him, ...
    via u/PerspectiveKookie16
  • 18
    There will be a transition period before you can put your marriage, deceit, divorce...behind you. A therapist would be an appropriate and dedicated place to release these built up emotions and hopefully allow you to focus on yourself & other positive things.
    via u/PerspectiveKookie16
  • 19
    vanilla_whispers_x talk to a lawyer about possibly modifying the alimony
    via u/vanilla_whispers_x
  • 20
    LLL1Lothrop Get a PI to see how much time he spends at her house. The PI might take some training classes with him and they could share their divorce stories together on how they took advantage of their ex-wives. Then get a better attorney to see if it you be modify it.
    via u/LLL1Lothrop
  • 21
    RandomCoffeeThoughts Agreed. This is three years over 30. It would be different if he somehow finagled a situation where you are paying alimony for 18 years, but it's three years and while that time drags for you, it's also going to go by quick. And my inner cynic tells me also isn't moving in with her because there's another sidepiece already.
    via u/RandomCoffeeThoughts
  • 22
    mcmurrml She does need to keep an eye. He actually moves in with this lady it can be cut off.
    via u/mcmurrml
  • 23
    kimmysharma NTA! Also look at it this way you get the last laugh... what's his plan when the 3 years are up? He has a kid to support on his little income
    via u/kimmysharma
  • 24
    MrPetomane You are NTA and not a monster. Its not your baby so who cares what you think about it. He is not your husband anymore and paying alimony into this situation feels unjust. You are right to call out what feels like an orchestrated organized scheme to milk you of full alimony. While he laughs in your face about it.
    via u/MrPetomane
  • 25
    And on top of it, your sister full of self-righteousness, indignantly criticizes you for feeling the way you do. Id ask her whose side she is on and thought you could lean on her for support. You did or felt nothing wrong. Id be having wild visions revenge. NTA
    via u/MrPetomane
  • 26
    theficklemermaid NTA. He literally boasted about this, so it's understandable you are upset and you were confiding in your sister, it's not like the kid is ever going to hear it. She can't expect you to feel warm and fuzzy about your ex conceiving a child during your marriage. At least the alimony will be over in a few years and then you can have nothing to do with him and he will be stuck dealing with the consequences of his actions.
    via u/theficklemermaid

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divorced baby affairs affair cheating husband personal trainer partners girlfriend cheating exes ex wife divorce family sister ex husband alimony money
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