29-year-old plans family vacation for 30th birthday, sister complains when she won't split the cost of her niece coming along: 'She said I'm being unfair'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 21, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

By their very definition, vacations are something that is meant to be enjoyed. However, this doesn't always prove true in practice. Often, the more people who are joining a holiday, the more potential there is for disagreements and drama, and if family happens to be involved, the odds of this increase even further. There is nothing like planned relaxation to bring out unexpected stress.

When it comes to having a vacation with other people, there has to be a lot of thought put into everything from travel to location to accommodation in order to make sure that everybody has the highest chance of being happy with the end result. In a large group, there is almost always somebody who has something to complain about. Whether that is resolved peacefully or spirals into something bigger is highly dependent on who is involved and what they are demanding, as well as how acceptable everybody else finds it.

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my sister I won't be helping pay for her daughter's vacation expenses?

    I (29 F) will be turning 30 next year. My family of 12 plans a vacation every year, but for milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50) the birthday person get to choose the destination and we use the vacation to celebrate them. With my 30th being next year, I found some airbnbs in a couple different states on the east coast. I had picked these places because the houses had a game room, pool, backyard, movie theater, and generally a lot of room for the kids (my niece and my dad's 2 new kids, all between 3-
    via tlars003
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10508469504
    via Minnie Zhou

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself struggling with this while trying to plan a twelve-person family vacation for her thirtieth birthday. She found what she thought were a couple of good Airbnb options for all the family in the states where they were thinking of vacationing.

    The only hitch was that her sister hoped to split the cost in a way that her daughter and their dad's younger kids would be paid for by the entire group, and not just their parents. The birthday girl told her that she felt this was unfair, causing some upset. She wanted validation that she wasn't in the wrong.

  • 03
    In a conversation with my sister today, I told her the cost per person and mentioned she'll have to pay for her daughter as well. She got upset, saying that in previous vacations we split only by adults and didnt include children. She said I'm being unfair as they're so small, and they don't even need beds as we could bring air mattresses for them. However, I feel I made great effort to find places reasonably priced, and catered to kids so they can enjoy the trip as well. She said I shouldn't be
    via tlars003
  • 04
    I am single, no kids, with no plans on having any. I'm not sure why I'm expected to split the cost of vacation accommodations for 3 kids that aren't mine. And it makes me annoyed because I know if I give in this year, every other year after I will still be expected to pay for part of the kids accommodations. So, AMITA? Update: I will not have my own room. Our top choice place has 6 rooms, 6 beds. Everyone shares.
    via tlars003
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10508469760
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders agreed that the demand was unreasonable.

    Human_2468 My family rented house for 25 people. My dad and I figured out the price per person. Each family had to pay for its members. So my niece and her husband had to contribute for six people. My dad only one, me and my husband were two. Maybe if you break down that cost that way, you will show your sister how much her family needs to contribute. Parents should be responsible for their children.
    via Human_2468
  • 07
    tlars003 OP I did, I told her the cost of the house all fees and taxes included was $5500 for 4 nights. And so that price divided by 12 makes each person's fee $450. She asked why I divided it by 12 and not 9, and I said because I included the three kids in the breakdown. And that's when she got upset that we've never included kids before, and the cost should be divided by 9 instead. But at that price, why am I pay more than $150 extra for kids that aren't mine, on a trip they're not required to
    via tlars003
  • 08
    ERVetSurgeon NTA. Find a place with three bedrooms and no game room so it will be cheaper and she can share a bed & room with her daughter. Don't pay for a game room because you won't need it.
    via ERVetSurgeon
  • 09
    Jane Austenismy Jam I have never understood why children don't count as part of the costs. They take up space, use the bathrooms just as much, and most likely make a much bigger mess while also being much louder and rowdier. In my family we pay by #of people in your immediate family with all of us splitting the cost of my 84 year old mom's share. I would never allow my sisters to pay for my child to vacation. I brought my child into the world, my child is my responsibility to pay for. That inclu
    via JaneAustenismyJam
  • 10
    Traveling-Techie She should try that argument at Disneyland. It's about $104 for ages 10 and up, and $6 less for kids 3-9.
    via Traveling-Techie
  • 11
    Darien_Tyne NTA you tried to find places that would accommodate the kids and they aren't yours. If you offered to help pay then that would be fine but it isn't your responsibility to pay for every kid just because you planned it
    via Darien_Tyne
  • 12
    RJack151 NTA. Tell everyone that you will not pay for anyone other than yourself. Their kids are their problem.
    via RJack151
  • 13
    Chicago White Sox35 NTA. For a family vacation, you usually cover the cost of your own stuff and your own kids, not split the kid fees amongst everyone.
    via ChicagoWhiteSox35
  • 14
    Sea-Solution-8038 Why isn't the family paying for you since it is your birthday? When we do things like this, the birthday person (not their whole family) is not charged for their share. But that isn't always good either as those entitled people will definitely choose an outrageously expensive trip. The kids are guests too. If you had kids, you would be paying for yours. Either they pay for the kids, or they stay home. But I tend to think like you. I don't want to pay extra for family members th
    via Sea-Solution-8038
  • 15
    tsunamisurfer35 She (your sister) said I shouldn't be "nickel and diming" her (your sister) and my dad for the cost of their kids. (Also, I do not have a good relationship with my dad anyways, why am I paying for his kids?) Either your Dad has had other children by a different Mother. Or the alternative is unspeakable.
    via tsunamisurfer35
  • 16
    Sufficient-Dinner-27 NTA. So here's an idea...go on your birthday trip alone or with a good friend. Someplace that would be wonderful. You're at loggerheads with your sister, and you don't have a great relationship with your dad, so all in all, sounds like. a birthday vacation from H_I. "But it's a tRaDiTlon". Who cares? Don't be enslaved to a habit.
    via Sufficient-Dinner-27
  • 17
    Chaoticgood790 NTA just tell her that she can find her own Airbnb for her family if she feels it's too much. Maybe split by rooms that way she is not paying as much as anyone that is taking up two rooms
    via Chaoticgood790
  • 18
    confusedcollstudent In my family, we do not count the kids for things the adults are splitting. But we all like each other. You can try to compromise by splitting the cost per room. This is how my family splits it if we end up somewhere that someone ends up sleeping on a couch or pull-out bed. Or you can see which adults ARE willing to contribute more to even out the cost for adults with children. Just because you don't want to, doesn't mean someone else wouldn't mind. NTA tho, you had to rent a
    via confusedcollstudent
  • 19
    ElectronicAd6675 I can't imagine asking other people (especially family) to pay for my kids on vacation.
    via ElectronicAd6675
  • 20
    different-take4u NTA, If they were to take their kids on a vacation they would be paying for their kids. This is no different. Instead of an b-n-b maybe it should be a resort hotel so everyone has to pay for their own rooms. That would be fair, not as good, but fair.
    via different-take4u
  • 21
    Usual_Bumblebee_8274 Why would someone without kids have to pay more because someone else decided to have some? That's like expecting extra days off or sick leave because you're a parent. It's a choice & even child support agency factors in rent & utilities because ITS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PARENTS
    via Usual_Bumblebee_8274
  • 22
    theDagman That trip sounds like a nightmare. NTA.
    via theDagman
  • 23
    Charming_Narwhal_970 They may be small and able to sleep on air mattresses, but they will be dominating your vacation. That alone should mean that they should be included in the price per head.
    via Charming_Narwhal_970

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