Middle child refuses to reconnect with the family who disappeared during his deployment, and resurfaced years later only to ask for money: ‘I called all of them, sent letters, and tried to visit just to find that the house was already being rented out’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
May 25, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Family members are the only people who can completely vanish from your life, reappear years later, and still expect you to foot the bill, all while insisting you're the one with commitment issues. There's an entire greeting card industry for the heartwarming military homecoming, but try fitting "everyone moved, disconnected their phones, and changed addresses without telling me" onto a Hallmark. Our guy was growing up as the middle child, and the unofficial conflict mediator, and that apparently earns you the grand prize of being forgotten the moment you no longer resolve their disputes, even if you're out risking life and limb in a desert while everyone else argues over the remote.

Reconnecting with estranged kin is a bit like recycling plastic straws—you want to believe it makes a difference, but most of the time, you're just left with a soggy feeling and the bitter taste of cardboard. This man was ignored in childhood, abandoned in adulthood, and rediscovered only when the family piggy bank runs dry. And when this family does reach out, it's less "we missed you" and more "can you Venmo some cash, by the way." Just sprinkle in a little passive-aggressive guilt from a sibling and voilà, instant family reunion.

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  • "AITAH For refusing to reconnect with my family after they cut me out while I was on deployment"

    "I really didn't buy it to be honest. [She] Then immediately asked if I could send money"
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  • For some back story I am the middle child of a family of 6. At the time it consisted of my mother, stepfather, older brother, and two younger siblings. Growing up I was always the one who solved family conflicts and
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  • sort of the like. At the same time I feel like I wasn't even noticed much in my family. My parents were never really active in supporting me while in school. I played sports and got good
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  • Cheezburger Image 10508943616
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  • grades but I guess that was just expected of me. I can think of two events they showed for one football game and my highschool graduation. They were late but at least they showed up.I enlisted in the military right out of
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  • highschool since I needed some better opportunities outside the small town I grew up in. They didn't even make an effort to show up to my basic graduation. I didn't mind snce I was kind of
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  • used to it at this point.I thought that at least the relationship with my mother had improved at the very least since she would call me every other night and ask about me and talk about home.
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  • I left for deployment in the spring of 2019 and I had let everyone know that I had to go. I would call home when I got the chance and everything seemed fine at first.
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  • Half way through my deployment when I called home my mom told me that she was getting a divorce from my stepfather. She had been unhappy for a while and I
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  • supported her decision at the time. I really didn't hear much after that from anyone. I tried calling home a few times after the news but couldn't reach anyone. I
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  • Cheezburger Image 10508944128
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  • came back around the holidays and still could not get a hold of anyone. I called all their phone numbers, sent letters and even decided to take leave to visit just
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  • to find that the house was already being rented out by someone else. They had very little social media presence and what they did have they must of deleted.My contact information hadn't
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  • changed and my phone number is still the same even now. At first I was very depr sed but over time I started to feel like I was over the whole ordeal. I got an
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  • injury in 2021 shortly before my contact was up which made reenlistment difficult and had to leave. With the whole mess from the polemic it made it difficult to find work or even use some of
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  • the education programs. I had a little bit of money saved up but nothing substantial to afford living without work. With no safety net like most people have
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  • with their parents I had to couch surf until I found work and could afford to rent an apartment with a friend of mine.
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  • It was last year when I received the first call from an unknown number from the same area code as back home. I didn't pick up the first time but they called back
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  • right away. I picked up our of curiosity just to hear the voice of my mother on the other end of the line. Maybe I should've felt something but I felt indifferent.
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  • She didn't really asked me how I'd been or apologized for disappearing without so much as a letter or a text. She said the divorce was messy and that everyone had to get new phone numbers and lost my contact
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  • information. I really didn't buy it to be honest. Then immediately asked if I could send money since they were in a pinch and needed to pay the bills. I got mad and hung up. She called a few more times but I didn't pick up. A few months later I got a message
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  • from my older brother saying I was being petty and needed to help family and what I should forgive them. I didn't reply. Every once in a while I get a call from my mother, sometimes I pick up and she says that she feels bad
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  • for just disappearing but that I should forgive them and try to reconnect. My siblings have made no effort to contact me since. I did think maybe I was going a little overboard so I started to make an effort to reconcile with my mother at the very least. I told her that I really didn't trust her since I thought the whole
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  • situation was messed up but we could maybe start reconnecting, I was blunt that it wouldn't be the same as before but I would at least make an effort in my part. I started calling her every two weeks or so the conversations were usually short but I didn't mind since I was still skeptical about any actual change. This
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  • continued for a while and I thought that there was progress. Here is where I think I might be the A hole. Since most of the contact had been initiated by my for the last eight months I started cutting back on it to test the waters. Last month I didn't reach out at all to see if there was
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  • actual effort from her side or if it was just to keep up an image. You see at the end of last month it was my birthday. I wasn't expecting anything grand since I'm a grown adult but at least a text would have been nice. It's been almost two months since I
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  • last contacted and still silent on the other end. I feel like the cycle is just repeating again and I'm just done. My friends think that I might be overreacting, but I don't think I am.
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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