Mom abandons daughter at 13 for affair partner, comes back when she is 36 and protests when son-in-law doesn't want her to be her 3 kids to call her grandma: 'They won't be calling her anything, because she won't be around them at all'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 23, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

We are often told that there is nothing stronger than the bond between a parent and child, particularly when it comes to moms. However, time and again, reality proves that this is far from the case all of the time. Plenty of moms and dads seem more than happy to jeopardize the well-being of their kids for the worst of reasons, creating added chaos in their lives at a time when they are already vulnerable.

As if this betrayal of trust wasn't bad enough, a lot of parents like this end up adding insult to injury when they expect to be redeemed for their bad behavior once their children grow up. While this is sometimes doable, it is ultimately the decision of the child whether they want that person to have a place in their lives again. It is no surprise that when they decide the answer is no, drama can arise. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10509020928
    via Taylor Friehl

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for not allowing my MIL to be involved in our kids' lives or be called 'Grandma'?

    I (35M) married to my amazing wife (36F). We have 2 young kids together, soon to be 3, and we've recently laid down a firm boundary with her mother (52F), and some extended family think we've gone too far. Let me give some background to the story, my wife had a really rough childhood. When she was about 13, she caught her mom having an affair. Being a kid and still believing in trust and family, she confronted her mom. Instead of dealing with the situation maturely, her mom freaked out. When her
    via No_Garbage6488

  • One husband and father found himself caught in the middle of a situation like this when his wife's mom came back into her life in her thirties after abandoning her for an affair partner when she was thirteen. The couple had two kids and were expecting a third, leading the mom to desire a role in their lives as a grandma.

    However, due to her poor treatment of her daughter, the young parents didn't want her to have a role in the lives of their family. She was not impressed, and neither were some of the mom's relatives and friends. He wanted to know if they had gone too far.

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    My wife was kicked out of her home. She bounced through foster care and eventually ended up living with her dad. It completely shattered her. She's been in therapy for years trying to work through it. There's a lot more emotional and verbal ab e in the background as well, including being told by her mom "I wish I didn't have kids" when we were out to dinner, these moment really defined her trauma. Fast forward to now. My wife and I are in a healthy place, raising our kids with all the love and s
    via No_Garbage6488
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    Not only do we not want her toxic behavior near our children, but my wife has said it's incredibly painful for her to hear her own kids call the woman who abandoned and emotionally abused her Grandma. We told her she can't have a relationship with them and they won't be calling her anything - because she won't be around them at all. Cue the drama. Now we're hearing from some extended relatives and friends of her mom, that we're being cruel, and that "children deserve to know their grandparents."
    via No_Garbage6488
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    This isn't just about one mistake. It's about years of ab e, betrayal, and abandonment. My wife has no trust in her mother. Why should our kids be forced to have a relationship with someone who treated their mom like trash? We're trying to break a cycle here. We want better for our kids. But I'll admit, I'm starting to wonder if we're being too harsh. So, AITAH?
    via No_Garbage6488
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    Cheezburger Image 10509021184
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    People supported how the couple felt.

    Arrozconleche Easy NTA, go full NC. Cut off any relatives who support her.
    via Arr0zconleche
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    CivilAsAnOrang NTA. No, do not allow emotionally ab ive people around your children. Also, what evidence is there that this woman has changed in the slightest? She's still apparently wildly selfish and incapable of appropriate behavior. Not the kind of person who should be around children.
    via CivilAsAnOrang
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    ReindeerBudget1333 Exactly. Wanting a title like "Grandma" without doing any of the work or showing real growth just proves she hasn't changed. Protecting your kids from that kind of a person isn't harsh- it's responsibility.
    via ReindeerBudget1333
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    Slow-Company-7711 NTA. AT ALL! Use those relatives words and twist them back but insert MIL as a Mother. "Children deserve to know their Mother.. she should've started there". Or "the pain and abandonment my wife went through was forever so yea.. the punishment fits." F that.. don't be pressured by these fools
    via Slow-Company-7711
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    Fit_Base2089 Where were all these concerned relatives when your wife's "mother" sent her to foster care? NTA. Block them all.
    via Fit_Base2089
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    AdeptPrune3421x 'people change' yeah well so do nappies and they're full of toour wife got ABANDONED n ppl wanna play happy families?? naaa mate ur kids deserve peace not trauma rebranded as 'nan'
    via AdeptPrune3421x
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    Narwhal Terrible4680 NTA at all. Children deserve to know their grandparents? CHILDREN DESERVE PARENTS, but guess who chose to throw away their child for some . Tell that to the flying monkeys who decided to pipe up now
    via NarwhalTerrible4680
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    Kyra Heiker It was not one mistake, it was a huge betrayal and violation of motherhood and providing a safe space for your children. It's not punishment, it is self-defense and preservation. Hope this clears that up. Call things what they are, never minimise the damage done.
    via Kyra_Heiker
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    Jmfroggie Nta. Mother made her bed, now she has to live in it. Any family who argues with your choice should be told that if that woman had wanted a familial relationship, she wouldn't have kicked out her minor child and told she wasn't even wanted. NO ONE HAS ENTITLEMENT TO ANOTHER'S CHILD!! She screwed up her chance to be a member of the family when she abandoned her own daughter. There's no coming back from that.
    via Jmfroggie
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    GardenSafe8519 My dad hasn't seen his grandson since he was 3. He's 33 now. I cut contact years ago. NTA
    via GardenSafe8519
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    ΝΤΑ boundaries4546 In direct response to "children deserve to know their grandmother". I would respond: "I one hundred percent agree children deserve to know who the grandmother is. Fortunately my egg donor is not my children's grandmother, and is not my mother. Therefore she will never meet these babies, which are strangers to her." OR Give your mother a choice, her husband, or her grandchildren. Either way she doesn't get to meet them ever.
    via boundaries4546
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    QueenScarebear As despicable as she is as a person and mother, I think the final decision should be left up to your wife. I've been through something a little similar with my husband, and that's what I did. All I did was support his decision. I think that's all you really can do.
    via QueenScarebear
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    Agreeable-Inside-632 Children deserve to know their PARENTS even more. Grandparents don't "deserve" anything. Where was this family when her mom kicked her out? Shame on all of them.
    via Agreeable-Inside-632
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    Geezell Um, MIL left her 13 year old child behind for her husband. Showed a young girls that you clearly gotta put the man first. Have your wife tell everyone she is doing exactly what she was taught and they can all get bent if they have a problem with it. And then enjoy all the quiet (well until the newest one gets home) as you block everyone.
    via Geezell
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    Retiree-2023 NTA, my stepson's mother and father divorced when he was 14. She took everything out of the marital home when she left. Even HIS bedroom furniture, dishes, cookware and flatware. She ignored him till he was 28, she then convinced him to move across the country to reconnect, after 6 months she basically told him "this isn't working" so he was on his own, NC from then on. His father told him when he left if he went to his mother he was through with him too. NC with both his parents, d
    via Retiree-2023
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    chagrindoors In order to be a grandma, don't you have to be a mom first? Seems to me she resigned from being a mom, therefore she doesn't get to be grandma.
    via chagrindoors
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    drapehsnormak One mistake Anyone who calls abandoning your teenage child that is an absolute sh and needs to be fully excised from your life.
    via drapehsnormak
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    Mom2rats47 Absolutely NTA! Number one job is to protect your children and you're doing that by keeping that woman away. From your wife and children. As for the people making negative comments about keeping her away- add them to the list of distancing yourselves from. Choosing the affair partner over their own child terrible!
    via Mom2rats47
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    SadFlatworm1436 Easiest NTA ever ...that woman made her choice, she kicked out her daughter so she lost her right to be a grandma. Also doesn't sound like she's ever taken responsibility for her actions, just demanding reinstatement into the family. People showing their true colours demanding you forgive her? Block and move on
    via SadFlatworm1436

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family drama aita foster care affair wife grandma relationships grandchildren husband mother in law family reddit thread Reddit mom
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