“You have no right to quiz me on my own child”: 34-year-old dad quizzes ex-wife on their 18-year-old son after noticing how hands off she is, she takes offense but the internet backs him up

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 29, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Not everyone is born with the same amount of intelligence, sense of responsibility, or moral code. Obviously, the debate between nature versus nurture is real, and how we're raised definitely affects who we become as people. But there's a bit of genetics at play too. If we have phenotypic genetics that affects our height, hair color, and face shape, then why wouldn't we have the same genetics at play affecting aspects of our personality? IQ can be passed down, and a family of geniuses will keep having kids who are going to be born slightly smarter than the average person. A family of addicts will also have a child who will be at a predisposition to adopt an addiction. They're just things we need to understand and deal with as we get older. 

In the story below, the protagonist had his first child at 18. Since then, he's done his best to be a father and maintain an appropriate and healthy relationship with his mother, his ex-wife. Things don't always go as planned though. 

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    AITAH for giving my wife a quiz on our child?

    Cheezburger Image 10510607360
    via Pixland from Photo Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Throwaway for privacy on my main.
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833

  • If one isn’t born with some great intellect, or sense of responsibility then those things can be learned. Parenting is something that takes an immense amount of intelligence and sense of responsibility, but can we safely say most parents harbor those qualities? I think not. 

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    My ex wife, "Melissa" (37F), and I had our son, "Matthew" (16M), really young. I was only 18 at the time now 34. The few years. - following his arrival were a whirlwind. I was in college,
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    tackling as much as I realistically could each semester (summers included) so that I could start my career as quickly as possible.
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    Melissa and I divorced pretty much immediately after I secured a steady position for myself post- university.
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    Throughout it all, my little village was there for me. There were a few people by my side, but particularly my mom and my childhood friend, "Vincent" (38M).
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    He was there through first giggles, diapers changes, me sobbing at 3am worried I was the worst dad in the world, etc. Then we got married, which means he
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    stuck around through last minute school project supply runs, being the go-to calculus homework helper, and moonlighting as a driving instructor.
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    Mine and Melissa's lives look very different from one another's these days. It really doesn't sit well with me, how uninvolved she is. We have a week by week
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    custody agreement, but it doesn't seem like Matthew is allowed to have much of a life at her house.
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    His birthday was last Saturday. I'm always in charge of throwing the parties and I enjoy that. But it was just yet another year of watching the painful reminders that she is so hands-off. At one point, I
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    FAMILY
    via hidesy from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    asked her to hand something to Matthew's best friend. This is a kid who practically lives at my house he's over there so much and she couldn't identify him by name. I had to point him out to her.
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    Later that night, I pulled her aside and was just talking about how sad it was. I asked her a few questions, like what video game is he interested in right now.
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    What's his shoe size. Who are his close friends. Just basic questions a parent should know about their kid, and she struggled to answer any of them. She left pretty soon after, claiming I had no right to "give her a quiz on her own child." AITAH?
    via u/Cool-Instruction-833
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    ERVetSurgeon • 15h ago NTA. You are absolutely right, she should know all that and more about her own child. Why not go for full custody? It would signficantly improve Matthew's life.
    via u/ERVetSurgeon
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    angelicak92 14h ago I remember quizzing my parents on who my friends were, my favorite colour and favorite band when I was his age, they couldn't answer a
    via u/angelicak92
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    Cheezburger Image 10510608384
    via Michal Collection / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    single thing. Kids know who's interested in their lives and where they're safe. His mum is in for ar de awakening when your kid is 30, has his own children, and she's alone for the holidays. Nta
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    HarryBossk 12h ago Another one of these. "AITA for being perfect?"
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    el_grande_ricardo • 14h ago NTA. Ask Matthew if he wants the custody arrangement changed. Maybe he could do one weekend a month with Mom.
    via u/el_grande_ricardo
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    • coolexecs 14h ago NTA. I'm glad that you, Matthew and Vincent all have each other. It sounds like you have a beautiful
    via u/coolexecs
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    family. And soon, Mathew will be able to make all his own choices about who he spends his time with.
    via u/coolexecs

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