“You’re not the live-in nanny”: 34-year-old single mother expects 17-year-old male roommate to take care of her son when she’s not home, he refuses

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 23, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

When you're young, having roommates can be the best part of your life. It's like having a built in social community without even trying. You come home, you can relax, debrief, laugh, watch a movie, or cook with someone who's a friend without the hassle of inviting them over, or waiting for them to leave. When you're on good terms with your roommate and you like spending time with them, your life improves immensely. I've definitely been on both sides of the coin. I've lived with my best friends, where every time I come home I'm entering into a fun and social space that always feels right. I've also had the opposite, where I come home and want to run straight to my room because the mere sight of my roommate makes my skin crawl and sends my heart racing. Feeling comfortable in your living environment is crucial. My advice: live alone. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a 17-year-old guy who's living with a mid-30s woman with a child. The boy comes over once in a while, and at first everything was innocuous. Over time, tension started to build, and their wholesome environment becomes wrought with passive aggressive overtones. Read the full story for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for “letting a child starve”

    "You're living under my roof and eating my food"
    via Prostock-studio / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So here's some context: I (17M) live with a 34F woman in the city. She's not my mom, not a relative, not a family friend like irc she was a friend of one of my mothers colleagues but don't quote me on that — literally just someone I split rent with. Rent in
    via u/bopitbob908

  • This woman is a single mother…hm, I wonder why she's single. She seems like an absolutely insufferable nightmare. She can't expect her random roommate (who's only a teenager) to take care of her son in any. She's lucky enough that he's willing to bring up food if she orders it. Asking him to cook dinner is out of the question. 

  • 03
    this city is insane, and since I go to a private school here (which is about two hours from my actual home), this was the only realistic setup. We both pay rent and live our own lives. That was the arrangement.
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 04
    She has a 7-year-old son, and lately she's been expecting me to feed or "watch" him in the evenings. This wasn't discussed beforehand. I didn't sign up to be anyone's babysitter. I'm currently on study break for my final exams in May, and I usually just stay in my room all day grinding through prep. Her
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 05
    kid gets home around 4 PM, and she doesn't finish her second job until around 7:30 PM most days. Until recently, the kid just grabbed snacks or something from the pantry, and that was that.
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 06
    But this past Friday, she messaged me saying she'd be home late — like 1:30 AM and asked me to - - make dinner for her son. I replied, "Nah, I'm busy with something and can't be bothered to make anything. If you want, order Uber Eats or something and I'll go down and pick it up from the front desk."
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 07
    She said she couldn't do that (gave no reason), and I didn't follow up. I was busy, and honestly didn't feel like I should be responsible for that situation.
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 08
    She got back home late and was ped. Told me I was selfish and inconsiderate, that I'm "living under her roof and eating her food" even though I'm paying rent, like I said — and that the least I could do was help her out. I told her bluntly that I'm not her babysitter, I didn't
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 09
    agree to take on any responsibility for her kid, and that it's not fair to try and guilt me into it just because I'm physically present.
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 10
    Since then, it's gotten worse. She's started making passive-aggressive comments stuff like, "Must be nice to only care about your little exams," or complaining loudly on the phone when I'm nearby about how some people "don't respect the house they live in." She slams
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10496480512
    via demaerre from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    doors, sighs dramatically, and sometimes tries to bait me into arguments by asking things like, "So are you too busy to even say hi to a child now?"
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 13
    I'm trying to keep my head down and stay focused, but it's exhausting. I pay rent. I stay in my room. I'm not being disruptive. I never agreed to provide childcare, and I don't think it's fair that she's treating me like I did.
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 14
    So Reddit, AITA for refusing to cook for her kid and not taking responsibility for something I never signed up for?
    via u/bopitbob908
  • 15
    E... • 16h ago Edited 16h ago She has a 7-year-old son, and lately she's been expecting me to feed or "watch" him in the evenings. This wasn't discussed beforehand. I didn't sign up to be anyone's babysitter
    via u/EmploymentLanky9544
  • 16
    You're not the live-in nanny. She is taking advantage of you being there, and trying to brow-beat you into compensating for her neglectful parenting.
    via u/EmploymentLanky9544
  • 17
    Also, you're a minor. And you haven't agreed to any child care. If she chooses not to be present, not feed her kid, or not supply the care that a 7 year old needs, that's something Child Protective Services might want to know about.
    via u/EmploymentLanky9544
  • 18
    Talk to your mom. This person is becoming ab ive. Time to find other living arrangements. ΝΤΑ
    via u/EmploymentLanky9544
  • 19
    Fe... • 15h ago • Edited 14h ago "Must be nice to only care about your little exams." Response: Yeah, as a 17y/o child (use this to your advantage), it's my sole job. One my parents-the names on the lease?—prefer to be my primary focus.
    via u/FenyxFire
  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10496481024
    via vkyryl from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    Tell your parents. In this situation, you are the child, not the adult. Let them handle the roommate/their associate and remind her that the arrangement is not for her to passive aggressively manipulate their child into potentially messing up their exams so she can shirk her duties as a parent. NTA.
    via u/FenyxFire
  • 22
    gringaellie •15h ago NTA you need to tell your parents/guardians what she's doing.
    via u/gringaellie
  • 23
    OwlStrict1849 • 16h ago NTA She's a delusional her remarks to you are unacceptable and
    via u/OwlStrict1849
  • 24
    You don't have to do sh for that kid and don't feel any type of way And if the remarks keep coming at you hit back with some and put her in her place
    via u/OwlStrict1849
  • 25
    unserious-dude • 16h ago NTA. Try to find an alternative accommodation.
    via u/unserious-dude

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