29-year-old snoops and finds out about roommate's raise, demand they start covering 80% of the rent despite agreeing to 50/50: 'What you make is NONE OF HER BUSINESS'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 27, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Roommate situations can be hard to settle, especially if you're around the same age. Maybe you're making a similar amount of money maybe you're in similar stages in life and maybe you need each other to be able to afford your rent. That's what roommates are usually for, after all. But what happens when an imbalance starts to grow? Do you maintain your sense of commonality as roommates or do you start thinking about things a little more equitably? 

Is it fair for one person to make more money and still pay the same amount of rent? These are all tough questions to deal with especially if you lack communication as roommates. These issues will come up and if you don't have a good way to deal with them, they might take over your roommate dynamic. There is no hard and fast rule on how to deal with these types of conflicts, but there are only ways to communicate more effectively. Snooping certainly isn't the answer.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to pay more rent after getting a raise my roommate found out about?

    I (28F) had a huge promotion at work recently. I was excited about my promotion but chose to keep it to myself because I tend to be private about money.
    via u/VividProfessional116
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10510697472
    via Bermix Studio

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But that's exactly what happened in this situation where one roommate’s curiosity got the better of them. They snooped and found out something that maybe they definitely shouldn’t have. But after they learned this new information, and after this initial boundary was crossed, there was no way to maintain the relationship that they had before. So when confronted about a growing financial imbalance, one roommate took to the Internet to see if they indeed should be paying more. Read on for the story. 

  • 03
    I've been living with my roommate (29F) for over three years. We pay 50/50 for our apartment, but she earns far less. than I do at her nonprofit job. Last week, I accidentally left my laptop open and she saw my bank account, and my new balance. She confronted me immediately.
    via u/VividProfessional116
  • 04
    She was upset that I did not tell her about my promotion, and now wants me to pay 80% of the rent because I earn so much more than her. I told her that I do not. We agreed on a 50/50 split when we started living together, and I do not think my salary of the 50/50 agreement. I also have student loan payments that she does not.
    via u/VividProfessional116
  • 05
    She brought it up again yesterday saying it is the right thing to do, and I am being selfish. I reminded her that I also buy the vast majority of groceries and also pay most of our utility bills without problems.
    via u/VividProfessional116
  • 06
    I don't think my financial success now obligates me to subsidize her housing. She chose her career path with the understanding of the salary limitations. AITA for not wanting to pay more rent now that I got a raise in my career?
    via u/VividProfessional116
  • 07

    Commenters came in to breathe a little reality into the situation.

    Responsible-Start... • 6h ago NTA You are roommates not spouses. If she gets use of 50% of the apartment then she should pay 50% of the costs for being in that apartment.
    via u/Responsible-Start307
  • 08
    If she can't afford the rent there then that is her problem to fix not her roommates. She sounds emotionally immature expecting other people to make up for her deficiencies and give her a more comfortable life.
    via u/Responsible-Start307
  • 09
    If the roles were reversed what would your expectations be for her and her money? Reversing the roles can help you be fair to both yourself and her. Also, caving in to toxic immaturity does not help. It enables people to be more immature and delays their healthy natural growth.
    via u/Responsible-Start307
  • 10
    If she refuses to grow up you might need to find a new roommate or new living situation. Good luck!
    via u/Responsible-Start307
  • 11
    DolwantToKnow64... 6h ago . INFO: WHY don't you pay 100% and she can just move out? You're not her ATM and she isn't entitled to your money. If she wants to share an apartment with you, than she's obliged to pay her share of the rent: 50%
    via u/DolwantToKnow6417
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10510698240
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    What you make is NONE OF HER BUSINESS. ALSO: CALL HER OUT ON SNOOPING IN YOUR COMPUTER!!! NTA
    via u/DolwantToKnow6417
  • 14
    nefariousratking • 6h ago Absolutely NTA and totally inappropriate for her to ask. You are flatmates, not life partners, and that kind of request is something that people in partnerships do for one another, for love, because they support one
    via u/nefariousratking
  • 15
    another. You two are financially independent from each other. She is not your family. There is no reason you should have to pay for her to live. Really audacious, entitled, and spiteful that she would even ask. In what world would any flatmate ever say yes to that request?
    via u/nefariousratking
  • 16
    vernes1978 · 6h ago Imagine signing a contract with a rental agency and ontop of the yearly rise in price, they access your bank account or social media and increase it also based on income adjustment. "Yeah we saw you posting. on facebook you got a raise so we increased the renting price" That is what your roommate is doing.
    via u/vernes1978
  • 17
    Alternative-Copy7... 5h ago Info: Why do you support her? Are you married? Are you planning to marry? Are you planning a life together? Splitting the rent other than 50/50 is a ridiculous ask. But you already pay for her food and utilities. Why?
    via u/Alternative-Copy7
  • 18
    . Phil_Oop_North • 6h ago Absolutely NTA, no question about it. To be blunt, she's an AH for even asking. And I find it hard to imagine she just happened to notice your bank balance when passing
    via u/Phil_Oop_North
  • 19
    your laptop, rather than noticing it was open and choosing to look. I'd consider that a gross violation of my privacy and would find it impossible to ever trust the person again. It's really simple, the pay rise is yours singular not yours plural.
    via u/Phil_Oop_North
  • 20
    TweetHearted • 5h ago I won the lottery and we told no one.. not one single person knows and they won't until we di . It's been years . NTA but sadly you may need to find a new Roommate or move
    via u/TweetHearted
  • 21
    . dragonetta123 • 6h ago NTA. You have an agreement. I'd personally go, "I'd need to look at what I could afford if I moved out and lived by myself instead of having a room mate before I even
    via u/dragonetta123
  • 22
    start to consider changing our 50/50 agreement. Let me do some research". If they are that skint and you genuinely have a good living. arrangement, they'll back down pretty quickly.
    via u/dragonetta123
  • 23
    mck-_-6h ago NTA. is she thinking? You aren't partners so your money has nothing to do with her. If she wants cheaper rent she can move out. It's absolutely mind boggling the mental
    via u/mck-_-
  • 24
    gymnastics involved in justifying her asking for your money. Just tell her she is absolutely out of line and it's your money. Also probably be prepared to find another living situation. Money is usually the cause of relationships breaking down in situations like this.
    via u/mck-_-

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