Host mom flips out when 19-year-old nanny buys snacks, refuses to share them with her 2 kids: 'I'm only allowed to eat the items from one cabinet and they only replenish once a month'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 13, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Pretty much anyone who has worked in childcare will realize that it can be a wildly underpaid, underappreciated, and exploitative job. A genuinely frightening number of parents look upon the effort and responsibility it takes to keep their kids safe and happy, and decide that they want this task done while parting with the least amount of cash and resources possible.

With this in mind, many moms and dads in need of a babysitter will turn to family and friends to help them out, but sometimes this isn't feasible. That is where paid help comes in, and unfortunately, not every parent appreciates the work that they do as they should. Being a live-in nanny usually means being on call to watch the kids whenever your employer wants you to. You might hope that this means they would give you the right amount of compensation and appreciation in return, but often that isn't a reality.

 

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  • One young au pair found this out the hard way when she travelled to the United States to care for two kids while she was studying. She immediately ran into difficulty with the family's strict rules around food, which allowed her to make meals from only one cupboard in the kitchen containing basic ingredients that were replenished once a month.

    She began to use her small income to supplement her diet with some snacks, which at times, she ended up eating in front of the children she was caring for. They began asking if she would share, and she told them to ask their parents for snacks, as she was worried about her food budget and the family tended to eat very healthily.

    When her host mom found out about this, she raged at her both for bringing junk food into her home and for not sharing with the kids. The nanny was left wondering if she had been too selfish.

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    Cheezburger Image 10505208320
    via Wesley Tingey

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to let my boss's kids eat my food?

    In february, i (19f) arrived in the US as an au pair. If you don't know how the program works, basicaly you're hired as a nanny but you're not paid a lot (i get $196 per week), because the family gives you a place to stay and food (in their house), and they also pay for your studies (up to $500). It was the only way i could afford to have the exchange experience, and i really wanted to take this chance, so i came. The two kids i take care of are great, we talk a lot and i already learned so much
    via Remote-Narwhal5726
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    Since i arrived, they told me that i'm only allowed to eat the itens from one cabinet, nothing else, and they will only repleanish once a month, and they have cameras and will see if i try anything - i don't know if this is true but i woulndt steal anyway. In my cabinet they just put tortillas, a few canned vegetables, beans and mac ans cheese boxes. No snacks, drinks, cheese or meat, chicken, none of these. I talked with my agency here and they told me that the family is alowed to do that as lo
    via Remote-Narwhal5726
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    But the food thing was really getting to me, so i started to use the money to put things in my cabinet. The problem it's that they are super healthy, and they don't let their kids eat Chips Ahoy, Pringles, beef jerky, stuff like that. I wasn't trying to eat in front of the kids on purpose. But i spend most of my day with them (when they aren't in their classes), and i get hungry, so i eat in front of them, and they started to ask me to eat too. My money doesn't get me very far, my parents have n
    via Remote-Narwhal5726
  • 05
    They did, and their mom blew up at me (in front of them), telling me that i had a lot of audacity denying her kids food inside her home, that if i ate in front of them, i had to share, and that i couldn't bring this kind of junk into her home. I couldn't really say anything in fear of her just dumping me on the street, but i told had i didn't have enough money to buy an amount that i could share with her kids, or buy healthier, and that i would really like to share mine if they shared theirs - i
    via Remote-Narwhal5726
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    Cheezburger Image 10505208832
    via Esperanza Doronila
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    Commenters assured her she was not the one in the wrong here.

    Worth-Season3645 NTA... You are in the US? And a family is treating you like this? And your agency is doing nothing to help you? You are allowed nothing other than what is in your cabinet? What do you drink? Water? How do you feed the kids? Are you allowed to eat the same lunch? Do they share dinner? And now they want you to share the snacks you buy with your money, the little that they give you, with their children? This sounds like a Law and Order episode. You are essentially a slave and I sin
    via Worth-Season3645
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    Remote-Narwhal5726 OP Yes, i am in the US, but with everyones comments i'm starting to think that maybe is better to go back home than stay here waiting for a new match... I'm only allowed the cabinet things, that's why i buy junk foods, i don't feel that my food will be safe if i put in the fridge, or that they wont say i'm stealing from them. I cook for the kids, they eat fruits and healty snacks. They share dinners and breakfast most days, i eat before or after then, depending on how busy the
    via Remote-Narwhal5726
  • 09
    Pleasant-Thing-3239 I was reading an article the other day about how nannies are in such short supply. I would leave that family and find another. You're young, on a visa, and think you have to let these people treat you however they want. That's so far from how it should be. $196 a week? That breaks down to, what, $2 an hour at the end of 6 days. You're not the a hle. You're just working for a your agency is run by h_les. And
    via Pleasant-Thing-3239
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    themanny I'd counter with there's a short supply of people willing to pay what a nanny is actually worth.
    via themanny
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    PapayaMamma Get out of that place ASAP. Any human being who doesn't provide a person living under their roof (employee or otherwise) with fresh food (you say you only get tinned options) and then gets revved up when you don't share snacks that you have personally paid for on your poor $2 an hour salary - snacks that she doesn't even endorse her kids to eat - is a huge red flag. Actually, it's hundreds of red flags waving all at once. Get out. Get out now. There's a massive power trip going on an
    via PapayaMamma
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    catskilkid You need to request a new assignment from your agency. There should be NO issue with a new assignment. Also let the agency know about this family so anyone else coming will get the low down on this horrible woman. They are looking of child care but really are looking for slavery with extra steps. Get out, this woman will not change her tune.
    via catskilkid
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    deadaliveinlove No, she needs to get the h I away from that agency because they approved of how she was being "fed". This poor girl needs to find a legitimate agency. God I hope they're not doing anything even sketchier like holding on to her passport!
    via deadaliveinlove
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    EmceeSuzy You are NTA but since your agency will not help (which is a disgrace) you need to leave. I am surprised that a diet of nothing but shelf stable foods would be considered appropriate. That tells me that your agency is garbage.
    via EmceeSuzy
  • 15
    TheSlyFox777 The mom: Stop bringing this junk food into my home! Also the mom: How dare you not share your junk food with the kids! Unfortunately, this is a common capitalist psychopathic mindset in America to not see other people (especially foreigners and immigrants) as humans but as profit margins from which to extract the most value out of your labor for as little money as possible, even if that means neglecting your basic human needs to your own detriment and suffering. Also, it seems like
    via TheSlyFox777
  • 16
    Ok-Complex-3019 You absolutely need to get another family or go back home. It is sick they only allow you the bare minimum of food.
    via Ok-Complex-3019
  • 17
    chjoas3 NTA and please find a new family. I was an au pair when I was young and couldn't stand up for myself. I was working 50-60 hour weeks. Doing the whole family's laundry including towels and bedsheets, ironing the father's designer shirts, picking up parents dirty underwear that they left on the bathroom floor, making breakfast, packed lunches, and hot dinners mon-Fri for the whole family. I was just the help. However, two of my friends had host families who had them as part of the family,
    via chjoas3
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    wildferalfun I am so sorry you are being taken advantage of in this au pair situation. Please notify your agency immediately. You do not owe the kids your food nor is it appropriate to dictate that. You are NTA. Au pair programs are ripe for ab e from these types of people. An acquaintance of mine was working to lobby for better protection for au pairs in our state because the below minimum wage pay and often inadequate living arrangements were akin to slave labor. I know this is suppose to ne c
    via wildferalfun
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    PeachBanana8 You are NTA but you need to leave this placement, even if it means returning home. They are exploiting you.
    via PeachBanana8
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    SaturdaysaremyFav2 NTA. Either go home or find another family to match with. These people are taking advantage of you & it probably won't get better.
    via SaturdaysaremyFav2
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    HyenaGlasses Nta if it in anyway helps you, you could always buy a packet of something very healthy and then just dump all your snacks in it, a one time expense to have both the kids and the parents off your back until you can match with another family. It sounds childish but it works as a temporary solution.
    via HyenaGlasses
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    StAlvis ΝΤΑ In my cabinet they just put tortillas, a few canned vegetables, beans and mac ans cheese boxes. Quit.
    via StAlvis
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    No-Marketing7759 You aren't invited to eat with the family?!?! What the actual F?!?!
    via No-Marketing7759
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    cranbeery NTA but please find other work or go home before their weird restrictions make you sick.
    via cranbeery
  • 25
    Timely Egg_6827 Try and match with another family as soon as possible. The children may be sweet, ther parents just want cheap labour they can look down on. They may need a nanny but you do have other options of escape if you can match with another family. And when you leave, make sure the agency know that they are not suitable employers. Your AU pair friends aren't facing the same situation where the food provided is sub-standard, low protein and un healthy. I'd go for malicious compliance - ea
    via Timely_Egg_6827
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    MochaMellie NTA. You need to get out of that house. My cousin did this in an exchange very similar in France and had to go to 2 different families because her first family treated her like a servant. They're not entitled to treat you like cr por to demand you limit everything you eat to make it convienyent for them. They're 10000% taking advantage of you and this system. Contact your agent again, tell them it's an unsafe environment because you're unable to bring any food that the parents don't
    via MochaMellie

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