Parents let 3-year-old daughter upstage 1-year-old niece's birthday, want her to blow out the candles instead: 'My niece started screaming and wouldn't let anyone sing happy birthday'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 7, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It's hard to sit by and watch somebody else's bad parenting. Everyone is entitled to their own parenting styles, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. But it can be incredibly difficult to just be passive while someone else is wrecking their child's future. It's even harder when your own child is mixed up in all of it. Maybe they have a friend whose parent is making some questionable choices. Maybe your kid is getting caught in the crosshairs. Or maybe they're in your own family.

You famously don't have control over the decisions of others, especially your own family members. But it can be hard to sit on your hands and watch them make the choices they are going to make. Especially if you're at a family gathering and one person's behavior is affecting everyone else. That's what happened in this story when the in-laws made life pretty difficult for the rest of their family.

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    Cheezburger Image 10514223360
    via Nathan Dumlao

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When it was one little girl's birthday, her parents took care to make sure she was the center of attention. But her 3-year-old cousin, and those cousin's parents, had something else in mind. When they let her roam free and take over attention, her aunt had some choice words. 

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    AITA for not letting my niece near my daughters cake

    Okay so my (26F) husbands (30M) family is really the only family we have. We celebrate holidays birthdays with only them. My niece (almost 3) is daughter to his sister. She was the first grandchild until my
    via u/Bb89101
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    daughter came along (1). Last week was my daughter's birthday and I refused to let my niece near her cake. Background: my niece is the center of attention for every event. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, Easter, she makes everyone sing happy birthday to her whenever it's time
    via u/Bb89101
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    for dessert. Even for other people's birthday she has to sit in their lap and have happy birthday sung to her with her name in place of whoever's birthday it is and she needs to blow out the candle of their cake. I just don't want to teach my daughter to do that to others so i don't want others doing it to her. Mind you,
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    yes i judge silently in my head, but I've NEVER said anything to her or her mom. Last week was my daughter's first birthday and it was time for the cake. I was sitting with my daughter in my lap and my niece confidently came over to take her place in front of the cake. I had previously told my husband to not let her do this as i
    via u/Bb89101
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    wanted my daughter to have her moment and also for photos and videos etc. so my husband picked her up and moved her away to her mom and said she's not going near the cake. My niece started screaming and wouldn't let anyone sing happy birthday as she was wailing and crying. EVERYONE was telling me and
    via u/Bb89101
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    my husband to just let her stand in front of the cake what's the big deal, or to let her blow out the candle but we refused. My mother in law ended up taking my niece outside so we could sing happy birthday and get it all over with. Everyone in the family said we were being ridiculous for that
    via u/Bb89101
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    and it's not that serious. I agree it's not that serious, i don't care what my sister in law does with her kids and how she parents but i do feel in this situation it was also my parenting style that would be compromised. I grew up with others blowing out my
    via u/Bb89101
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    candles growing up and honestly it felt like it took away from my special day. Might be stupid but i want to make sure my daughter knows her day is for her and her moments are special for her. I know she's 1 but still i think better to start from the beginning to set up for future birthdays. Anyway i don't regret my decision but am i the a hle?
    via u/Bb89101
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    Commenters came in and took her side.

    MarionberryPlus... 12h ago NTA, what is ridiculous is how an entire extended family is terrified of a three year old girl! She won't "let" you sing Happy Birthday? She "needs" to blow out the candle? WTH is wrong with her parents, and the rest of the family, that this child, alone in all the world, is never told NO?
    via u/MarionberryPlus
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    Jesus. What is going to happen when she's six? Sixteen? Your SIL is raising a monster and the rest of your family is complicit in it.
    via u/MarionberryPlus
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    op The Faith L Keep Life is too-sht to wa
    via Yoshida Keita

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    FoxxFluxx. 12h ago NTA. Niece is spoiled and entitled. She's being set up for some serious difficulties in life by her enabling parents.
    via u/FoxxFluxx
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    SuperiorityCompl... 12h ago • NTA. My sister always got to blow out my candles. I cut my whole family off when they all pitched in and bought her a brand new car on my birthday. Nobody had wished me a happy birthday yet and they bad been
    via u/SuperiorityComplex87
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    weirdly silent on me for a couple of weeks so I was low key expecting some sort of birthday surprise when my sister posted on social media photos with her new car and how grateful she was to her family members. for buying her first ever new car (she's been through
    via u/SuperiorityComplex87
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    dozens of used cars). I know it's not about material things but I'm trying not to cry typing this out now and that happened years ago. Anyway, my point is you are NTA and thankyou for standing your ground.
    via u/SuperiorityComplex87
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    Spiritual-Bridge3... 12h ago • Your niece is a young kid but she is definitely old enough to be taught that the world doesn't revolve around her and this occasion was a perfect start. You are absolutely NTA
    via u/Spiritual-Bridge3027
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    ForkliftGirl404 · 12h ago NTA. If you encourage this behaviour at a young age, it's harder to break later. My daughter had a big party last year (she's in primary school) and just before the cake came out, one of the
    via u/ForkliftGirl404
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    mums came up and asked if her daughter could sit next to mine during the cake cutting, I said of course and was about to think nothing of it till she said that she'd also prefer if we didn't sing the birthday song and her daughter got to blow out the candles. After that I straight
    via u/ForkliftGirl404
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    away said no, that this was my daughter's birthday not her daughter's. She then got angry and started to cause a scene, but I put my foot down and said no. I refused to let her sit next to my daughter (I put her at the other end of the table) and when she threw a tantrum and tried to come blow the candles out, I blocked her way.
    via u/ForkliftGirl404
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    mustafafuzz • 12h ago Dude NTA and definitely to that person said soft yta That spoiled kid lol getting taken outside and yall not giving in was bliss to read. I'm so happy for your kid!!
    via u/mustafafuzz
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    Internal-Unicorn1... 12h ago • Nta Whoever let that child get so spoiled is an a hole. School will be h I for her, especially if she gets invited to birthday parties. Someone (the parents) need to teach that child some manners.
    via u/Internal-Unicorn1629
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    GitLegit 12h ago NTA. I'm honestly shocked that anyone would go along with the idea that a kid should get to be the birthday girl for every birthday party they attend. Maybe it's a cultural thing or something but where I'm from it wouldn't happen in 100 years.
    via u/GitLegit
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    iwonderwhatsinsi... • 12h ago NTA. You are right to stand up for your daughter. Your niece needs to learn it's not always about her.
    via u/iwonderwhatsinsideof
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    Impossiblelce6811 · 12h ago NTA but your husband's family is for allowing that little girl to behave that way. If they allow that in their home, there's nothing you can do. But in your house, it's your rules. If they don't like it, they don't have to bring the kid over for special occasions.
    via u/Impossiblelce6811
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    Pretty_Goblin11 • 12h ago Niece is gonna be intolerable by the time she is ten. Veruca is that you? NTA
    via u/Pretty_Goblin11
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    innernerdgirl • 12h ago NTA. Good for you. It's so exhausting when people want to you to support their bad parenting.
    via u/innernerdgirl
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    unloved 12h ago To all of those people saying you were being ridiculous: Can they work all week and then I collect their paychecks?
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    I'd start intentionally being petty, so maybe don't listen to me. Every mother's day, I'd address all cards to the niece. Every birthday, hand their birthday money to niece. Every single holiday, I'd go out of my way to abide by them making niece their priority.
    via u/____unloved____
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    Oh, and I'd absolutely blow out niece's birthday candles. Why not? It's not a big deal, after all. (This isn't me trying to be petty towards the kid that isn't at fault, but tbh she likely won't remember it anyway.) NTA
    via u/____unloved____

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