'I always end up covering more than my share': 34-year-old brother refuses to go on family vacation and cover costs for constantly broke 31-year-old brother and his family

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 8, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It's nice to be able to provide for your family, but that doesn't mean that you want to be fully responsible for them. It can feel good to be able to treat them to a nice holiday gift or a trip every now and again, but only if it's on your terms. You wouldn't want them to expect those treats and gifts, otherwise it might start to feel like a burden. But when you set up a pattern of behavior, it can be hard for them not to turn into full-blown expectations. 

When you're used to being paid for, you might not want to give up that luxury, even though you know you shouldn't technically depend on it. But that's a hard lesson to learn, and not one you will learn easily. It's up to all sides of the party to make sure nobody is being taken advantage of, especially when it comes to family. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to go on the family vacation because I'm tired of always covering the extra costs?

    So this happened last week and my phone's been blowing up ever since. I (34F) have always been the "responsible one" in my family. I have a good job, no kids, I save my money. My younger brother (31M) and his wife (29F) have 3 kids and are constantly broke. My mom says it's "just a phase," but it's been like this for years.
    via u/mazymayes
  • 02
    ABAN DO NMENT
    via Frank Ching

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But that ball is easily dropped, and sometimes a hard boundary has to be set. Like in this story when a brother tried his best to draw a line in the sand regarding what he was comfortable paying for. But his family didn't respond well. Read on for the details and see what you would have done.

  • 03
    Every summer we do this family vacation to the beach, usually a rental house that we all split. Except I always end up covering more than my share. Last year, my brother said he couldn't afford his part until "after the trip," and surprise surprise, he never paid me back. I also paid
    via u/mazymayes
  • 04
    for the groceries, gas, and even his kids' amusement park tickets because "they didn't wanna feel left out." My mom said I was being selfish when I brought it up.
    via u/mazymayes
  • 05
    So this year, when the group chat started planning again, I said I'm out. I told them I'm not going, and if they can't afford the trip without me footing half the bill, maybe they shouldn't go either.
    via u/mazymayes
  • 06
    Now everyone's p ed. My mom said I'm "punishing the kids" and my brother called me cold- hearted. Even my cousin, who usually stays out of it, said I could at least come and "just not pay for extra stuff."
    via u/mazymayes
  • 07
    I'm tired. I feel like if I go, I'm enabling this. But now I'm wondering if I went too far. AITA for saying no?
    via u/mazymayes
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10514241024
    via Joseph Sharp

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters gave their opinions on this family drama.

    Advanced-Pear-8... 10h ago NTA- keep your foot down and stop being their ATM. You said it best if they can't afford it don't go!
    via u/Advanced-Pear-8988
  • 10
    Alisha235a · 10h ago . NTA. This isn't about being cold-hearted, it's about not being a doormat. Your family needs a reality check on their spending, not a bailout.
    via u/Alisha235a
  • 11
    Constant_Host_3... • 10h ago NTA. Go plan a vacation by yourself or with a friend, where you aren't treated as the cash cow. Your title is misleading - you aren't just covering "extra costs", you have been covering essential costs like groceries and gas and your brother's share of the rental house. Tell your cousin that.
    via u/Constant_Host_3212
  • 12
    Calling a woman "cold hearted" is a classic manipulation technique to maneuver her to prove "I'm not cold hearted, see, I'll fall in with your plan!" Your mother is the one who went too far by claiming you're "punishing the kids". Kids aren't entitled to beach
    via u/Constant_Host_3212
  • 13
    vacations or amusement park tickets, and not receiving things they're not entitled to isn't punishment. They can be given a perfectly fun vacation that their parents are able to pay for, which they'll enjoy very much. And if the parents can't pay for any vacation, then aren't they the ones. "punishing the kids"?
    via u/Constant_Host_3212
  • 14
    As for your mother, you're her kid, and you're being exploited by freeloaders. If that doesn't bother her, it should. Mute their calls and texts and take a break from them. And prioritize doing something for yourself that you'd normally not do.
    via u/Constant_Host_3212
  • 15
    TexasLiz1 9h ago NTA - "You still owe me for last year. It's one thing to have me cover more but it's quite another to steal from me by lying about your intent to pay me back."
    via u/TexasLiz1
  • 16
    TheExaspera • 10h ago . NTA. I'm stumped as to why your brother is calling you "selfish" because you refuse to pay for his vacation... again!
    via u/TheExaspera
  • 17
    Affectionate_Bit_... • 10h ago NTA - just went through something so similar it's almost scary. Once you set boundaries with people it's suddenly a problem. Pull the wallet back out and, surprise surprise, you're the fun aunt again.
    via u/Affectionate_Bit_353
  • 18
    Lostinpandemic • 10h ago . Of course they're ped, they got dumped by the very best sugar mama. It really hurts to have to pay your own way ya know?
    via u/Lostinpandemic
  • 19
    Economy Voice7358 · 9h ago • The kids aren't being punished. There are lots of fun things kids can do during the summer that don't require an aunt paying for it. Their parents are just mooches.
    via u/EconomyVoice7358
  • 20
    don't yield- tell your mother and cousins that they are all welcome to pay for your brother's family to go on fancy vacations, but you've already done more than your share for years and you're all done now. They can put up or shut up. NTA
    via u/EconomyVoice7358
  • 21
    • Otherwise-Topic-1... 9h ago NTA. When the ATM stops being the ATM, then the ATM is cold-hearted. Ask them if they talk about their bank account the same way.
    via u/Otherwise-Topic-1791
  • 22
    wholoveslara • 10h ago NTA setting boundaries isn't punishment, it's self- respect.
    via u/wholoveslara
  • 23
    goomigator 9h ago . NTA. Parents playing blatant favorites like this always gets under my skin.
    via u/goomigator
  • 24
    Ok-Basket2305 9h ago I think I'd list what you paid for last time and that he never paid you back and state clearly that this is the reason for you not wanting to go. At least to your mum. If she thinks you're being mean 'to the kids' tell her to pay for them.
    via u/Ok-Basket2305
  • 25
    HapaHawaii • 9h ago Just start lying to your whole family. They cut your hours at work. You're looking for a new job. Your car might get repo'd. You have to take a 2nd mortgage on your house. You aren't making it. Ask your parents for $200 to help pay your phone bill.
    via u/HapaHawaii
  • 26
    drowning_in_cats 10h ago NTA. BUT I (55F) have been in the same situation for decades. The only way I can spend time with my brother & his family and my parents on vacation is if I basically foot the bill. (My parents were just cheap AHs and were along for the ride.)
    via u/drowning_in_cats
  • 27
    I stopped doing it for a while. But I wanted my kids to have fun memories with his kids so my hubby and I decided to budget for trips. every few years as gifts. It is was so much easier emotionally for everyone for me to flat out say "I'm paying for all of this. Merry Xmas and happy bday."
    via u/drowning_in_cats
  • 28
    We all have much better vacations together now. My brother still feels guilty but I have told him that I enjoy spending time with his now adultlings.
    via u/drowning_in_cats

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