42-year-old man discovers that his wife of 10 years has been repeatedly going to "help out with the dogs" of a co-worker who she claims goes "out of town" a lot: 'What single man wants to spend 2 hours a day talking with a married woman with kids?'

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    "[Am I wrong] for losing respect for and suddenly not trusting my wife of 10 years?!"

    My wife has repeatedly been inside his home to "help out with the dogs" when he's supposed to be out of town
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    I (M42) recently discoverd and confirmed directly with my wife (F42) that she has been communicating with a single co-worker (M about 40) from a completely different and unrelated division (so they're not discussing "shop") for at least 2 hours every day on Teams messenger.
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    This co-worker lives in our city but over 30 minutes away, however, despite an already busy schedule, my wife also. has repeatedly been inside of his home to "help out with the dogs" when he's supposed to be out of town.
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    Lastly, they are connected on Snapchat which my wife already had installed on her phone from communicating with her much younger sister.
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    The points I struggling the most with are: *1) What single man wants to spend 2 hours a day talking with a married woman with kids? *2) Why do they need to be connected on Snapchat?
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    *3) Why hadn't she mentioned on her own that she's taking time out of her day to travel accross town to take care of someone else's dogs? *4) Obviosuly, just feeling personally disrepected.
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    PatentlyRidiculous • 18h ago Your gut is telling you what is happening. Don't ignore it.
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    First Assignment9773 • 17h ago If it was a casual friend why wouldn't she tell you about it? Why the secrecy? If she is hiding it or lying to you about it, a lie of omission is still a lie, it is at least an emotional affair. If she has access to his home and you weren't aware of it that is a major red flag. How could you ever trust anything she says again.. When confronted did she gaslight or tell you the entire truth? Did she allow you access to her communications with her friend immediately?
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    NaughtyNpreciousx • 18h ago Speaking from my own marriage experience, secret communications are relationship killers. My husband and I have a full transparency policy with opposite-s friendships. Your wife hiding this connection is a breach of trust, plain and simple. You're absolutely right to be concerned.
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    guitartkd 16h ago This 100%. The hiding of this connection is an issue in and of itself. You would have known about him and all the aspects of it if everything was on the up and up. Giving the most benefit of the doubt (and you have plenty of reasons to doubt) she's deliberately hiding a connection with another person outside of the marriage from the other person in the marriage. That's a serious breach of your relationship on its own.
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    Conscious_Stage8630 • 18h ago You don't buy this do you?? The excuse is so lame. This is massive disrespect. Check her phone and socials. This doesn't add up.
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    mustang 19671967 • 18h ago You know the answer, if it was Me personally I would see a lawyer, get divorce papers drawn, don't need to file them yet but give them to her and then tell Her she needs to go to work and tell them about the affair, if she. Warns him it's over and you and I are going to your family right now so you can tell them about the affair and if you blame me In anyway we are done. I would still leave. Do you think if she found you doing this she would be ok with this.
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    Internal_Statement74 • 18h ago Jesus dude. She did not go to his house to watch his dogs. She went to his house so his dogs can watch her. She is having a full blown physical affair and you seem to be so timid. Disrespected does not even come close.
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    1 Keyser_Soze • 18h ago ATA minimum she is emotionally cheating but chances are it's also physical. I only say that because of the visits to his home to "take care of his dogs". You need to get a full confession. Start protecting your money and see a lawyer, asap. Find out your options.

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