33-year-old dad demands partner pay travel costs to pick up 10-year-old son 7 hours away , she refuses: 'I feel like I'm being taken advantage of'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 11, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Finances are a controversial topic in many relationships. From who pays for the first date to how the household expenses are split, the combination of money and relationships can attract some strong opinions and create crises for couples. While many people agree that there must be shared finances within serious relationships, there is a limit to how much most are willing to contribute. If they feel the balance is tipping in a way that doesn't favor them, problems arise.

This can be especially important for couples who have kids, as they have a responsibility other than themselves to think about. Everybody knows that parenting doesn't come cheap, and if one parent has to take on the burden of that cost more than the other, it can be a breeding ground for resentment as well as highlighting other issues that are stemming from an unfair relationship dynamic that isn't being addressed.

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  • 01

    AITAH for not wanting to finance the travel?

    Context: 29F I have 2 kids (1 & 8), house, car, and work remote full time supporting my family. SO 33M hasn't worked in about 1.5 yrs, broke down vehicle, 1 kid (10). We have been together for almost 6 years. He stopped working after I had my son and seems to always have an excuse on why he can't work. Currently it's because his vehicle is broke down. (Side note: I already put 600 into it for him to fix it and it's not running. He also refuses to scrap it and take that money towards a new one. s
    via Travel-Bug1623
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10516296448
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman was starting to feel this way after her partner, who had a son from a previous relationship, requested that she pay for him to travel in her car to pick him up and bring him to their home for the summer vacation. He and his mom lived a multiple-hour journey away from their family, and it would be a significant cost.

    The woman was weighing up refusing, as she had grown tired of covering costs for her partner while he was long-term unemployed. She wondered if she was being unfair.

  • 03
    Issue: His child lives with the BM 15 hours away (she moved away). BM demanded SO do all travel for the past two visits. SO couldn't afford it and didn't want to fight BM in court over breaking court order to meet half way. SO then had to forfeit the last 2 visits. Now in about 2 weeks SO is supposed to travel 7 hours 1 way to pick up child and bring back to the house for the summer visit. Again SO has no car and no job. In the past when SO was working I would help out if SO was short on money o
    via Travel-Bug1623
  • 04
    I'm the type of person that I like to help when I can and I like feeling needed but at this point I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I shouldn't have to hand over my car and my money for SO to see his child. I feel like that statement is petty though. Then again that takes away from my kids. Which isn't fair to them either. I don't make a lot of money. I make enough that we get by living within our means. Traveling 14 hours total would drain all my money. Maybe I'd feel differently if SO
    via Travel-Bug1623
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10516296704
    via Roman Marshin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders wanted to bring a reality check.

    Carolinaxx12 NTA. You're a partner, not a personal Uber and ATM. If he cared about seeing his kid, he'd be figuring it out-job, court, rideshare, something. Instead, you're footing the bill while he gives excuses. Girl, you're supporting two kids... not three.
    via Carolinaxx12
  • 07
    Historical_Bed_568 Sounds more like 4 kids since her SO is immature and lazy and she's supporting him too. Does SO send child support payments? My guess is NO. Time to just kick SO out for good.
    via Historical_Bed_568
  • 08
    NTA HotDistribution5159 He's using you. and you know it. Stop mothering him. You already have two children, you don't need a third one. At this point ask yourself, what is he contributing to your life? He should be the one finding solutions to his problems. Step back and let him figure out his mess and face the consequences.
    via HotDistribution5159
  • 09
    NYCStoryteller Why are you still with this hobosexual deadbeat dad?
    via NYCStoryteller
  • 10
    Debbie0357 Why do you think she left him? Don't you see the pattern? The only way you would be the A H is to accept that mess and stay with him.
    via Debbie0357
  • 11
    SuddenFlamingo100 If you're not married to this why are you still with him? He doesn't do a thing to help himself or his kid. How does he keep up with child support payments or are you paying for that too? You can have a better quality of life if you lose the loser, you've carried him too long already. Your child will have a better quality of life. I see zero downside in leaving him, once he has no other options he'll start adulting again whereas now he has you to be his sugar momma/housekeeper/
    via SuddenFlamingo100
  • 12
    TopAd7154 YTA for putting up with it. Start putting an end to this nonsense. Tell him he's got 30 days to get a job and sort himself out or you're gone.
    via TopAd7154
  • 13
    Prize_Maximum_8815 SO seems to be unmotivated to deal with any issues on his own. He continues to push you to get you to solve his problems. He will continue to push until you stop giving in to him. You know what you need to do. Sorry you're going through this. Good luck!
    via Prize_Maximum_8815
  • 14
    monkeybyz Your SO needs to take care of his own financial obligations for his child. Don't sacrifice your own childrens' needs for his. Sounds like you are the bread winner and probably do everything else as well. The ex-wife is an ex for a reason. You teach people how to treat you. He treats you like an ATM for his child because you've allowed it. Stop doing it. Tell him he needs a job if he is planning on picking up his child. No cash, no gas. No job, no car.
    via monkeybyz
  • 15
    Aggressive Cup8452 Men can be gold diggers too. He trapped you with one child and now he's not working and needs you to fund his life. He's asking you to fund him and his child (10) this summer in addition to your 2 kids. So 4 kids in total plus the travel. What is he bringing to your table? NtA
    via Aggressive_Cup8452
  • 16
    K_A_irony What exactly is this guy bringing to the relationship table? He doesn't work. He presumably doesn't pay child support. He takes your money to fix a car then doesn't fix it. Why are you with him? NTA
    via K_A_irony
  • 17
    Charming_Figure_7054 NTA. If the biological father isn't doing enough then you aren't entitled to. It's his DUTY. That's the least he can do. I appreciate you thinking about the child but that's just unfortunate for the kid to be stuck in this situation. End of the day you can help your SO for the sake of the child but how long can that go on realistically? If life goes on the way it's going right now, the child will get their heart broken at one point or another.
    via Charming_Figure_7054
  • 18
    Different Dust_4189 Honey, why are you still with this man? How long are you going to let him s k you dry? He's a grown man who needs to get a job. You need to move on and let him go.
    via Different_Dust_4189
  • 19
    0091dit It seems to be a much deeper issue than this trip. Is he paying child support at all? Is he doing much around the house? He needs to find a job, as you don't seem to make enough money for him to be a stay at home dad. You are partners, and you are in this together. You may be laid off or something at some point - how would you feed your children?
    via 0091dit
  • 20
    Momof3CMM SO is a manchild and a user. You don't need a manchild. Just get rid of him.
    via Momof3CMM
  • 21
    Sea_Yesterday_8888 I get times are tough, I know a few hard working people who can't find a job right now. Most can't afford to travel. But you completely lost me in that he doesn't call his child. Why would you be with someone like that?!
    via Sea_Yesterday_8888
  • 22
    Jerseygirl2468 NTA because ultimately his relationship with his child is HIS responsibility. questions though, do you two live together, I assume the 1 year old child is his, does he do the childcare while you work? Ultimately he needs to get a job, especially if he has another child he should be sending money to.
    via Jerseygirl2468
  • 23
    Sad-Country-9873 NTA for not wanting to pay for HIS travel expenses. But you have been enabling him. You have been his ATM. I would just flat out say, I don't have the funds for that.
    via Sad-Country-9873

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aita parenting dad Travel family trip reddit thread Reddit mom unemployment money unemployed son
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